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A Bottle Rum

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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Wed Dec 14, 2016 6:29 pm

The blonde would take in the words, a thoughtful expression crossing his face as he rubbed his chin a bit. So this one didn’t label something as betrayal until someone was close to him and then had bit him? On one hand, Rika could see that path working, but on another he couldn’t. A bite was a form of betrayal no matter how light it was, no? “Ten perhapsss we see in different layerz when it comes to ta term….” Minor things could be forgiven and maybe if the person wasn’t giving up, more than one chance could be granted. It was hard to say...even more so when this one seemed to apply betrayal to something more specific and leave the rest to the wind. It was an odd way for sure that Rika didn’t understand too well. Maybe he just formed bonds differently and placed different values on things in the end. Maybe that is why this was a bit hard to swallow fully. He wasn’t for placing folk on a leash or anything, it was just his value system was different than the others since it seemed like a lot of things he viewed in layers while the other viewed them in more direct paths.

“Hrmmm..” the blonde would frown a bit as he absorbed what the other said next as he chewed lightly on the inside of his cheek. “We somewhat understand, buhh not fully agree...Dun tink we ever will since it only makes some sense in our headz.” He understood walking away from what didn’t work, but to grow no attachments to something after hanging around it for a long while or even a few times? He didn’t quite get this one. Provided the relationship wasn’t going anywhere bad, how did one stay distant from what was happening...and if one was distance, then how could one tell when the matter was just right? Did like with seeking an answer for him walking away, you simply had to ask him? Or did he have his own way of showing the progress? The whole concept was baffling really and opened up a lot of questions that the blonde was unsure if he should ask now or not. Those probably were getting to personal no? So maybe another time? Who knew. The waters were already odd to say the least, so maybe if it did come to that they could talk about it, but for now the blonde didn’t poke further into the matter and simply accepted the differences for what they were for now. “Ah well….won’t argue ‘ginst tat.” That was all the blonde would have to say towards the remark about one doing their own thing. You...honestly couldn’t argue with that. Even if it made their life hell, people were going to do what they were going to do and the quicker one understood that wasn’t going to change any time soon, the better off one would be and could work on actually working through said differences and come to agreements that worked for both sides rather than just one.

That matter aside though, it seemed that at times the pair could actually sail on the same boat without killing each other….or at least appear that way on the surface. It was hard to gauge if this agreement that rules and what not needed to be discussed at some point or another was a good thing or a bad thing, but Rika was just happy that another argument didn’t erupt from this one. With one thing settled, it would seem the door would be left open for a much larger and uglier beast to take the floor….

A beast that only got even more and more complex and ugly the more Rika tried to explain what he needed the other to do. He tried to explain, he honestly did, but just like others before him the explanation only seemed to infuriate and frustrate the other party that just didn’t get what he was trying to say.

As he heard the onslaught of questions, he would shake his head as he closed his eyes tightly. “I…” His voice caught as he tried to figure his way out of this one, but just could not. It wasn’t that he was lying about anything or that he wanted to be ignored. He didn’t want the other to shut up...that was not what he was asking him to do. He was telling him to be himself, but instead came off as contradicting and confusing. He wanted to explain, but no matter which way he turned, the road only seemed to get more and more muddled….and as it became more muddled the greater the self hate became and the pressure that built within.

He literally felt like he was suffocating here and while at first he appeared highly wound up, he would unexpectedly settle into a strange sort of calm as he looked over at the other with that odd smile. “Juss be you….we can’t really demand much more tan that….As for us...maybe ignoring our existence iz the bess ting to do. It causes a lot less headaches and blood pressures rizing through the roof,” he said his tone calm all the way as he said the words, the smile never leaving as he decided it was best to remove himself before things got worse…”It iz unpleasant and no itz not right for us to do tiss to you or utters, sso we are gonna ta leave before we makez tings worser. As for yar wordz, we will consider tem…” He heard everything loud and clear and quite frankly had heard similar things time and time again just in less direct ways. It was the same thing in over...and over again. Anger and what he should do and what not to do, but no one ever stopped to consider that maybe he just didn’t know how to do that. That he couldn’t just suddenly clean up his act and suddenly be better. It was an issue... He knew that more than he cared to admit, but people only saw the surface view and tossed him in the boat of too sensitive or babyish to bother with or not lecture. Man up, they said. Man up....

What made the matter worse was he had no way of actually explaining the damn thing in a way anyone could understand. Even less so to someone that seemed to run off of directness like Sharaku did. It was nightmarish and he hated every second of it. He supposed leaving now would leave a bad impression on the other, but he honestly didn’t know what else to do. The more he sat and tried to talk, the worse this would be...and it wasn’t really fair to the other when the issue was his own. So he got up to leave hardly being surprised as the other turned away from the whole kiss thing and warded him off well enough with a simple don’t. He would keep his distance more or less and when the question of how worse it could get was posed, the blonde by that point had stood up straight and was shifting to head to the door.

“Dunno…” was all he said to that and then took his leave. Back outside, the blonde took to wandering the streets, the air cooler air calming him a bit, but not enough to knock away the misery within. He took note as he looked about that the Sharaku was still in the area; however, upon seeing him, the blonde felt something clinch within his chest. He had probably screwed up anything good that had been going there and after what had just happened...he couldn’t exactly bring himself to approach the other. There were no words or anything to make up for that one, so why bother to fix it now when he knew it would only get uglier?

Too drained and depressed to even try at this point, the blonde would make a note the guy was there, but instead of approaching he would drift along the pathway for a small distance before drifting off into one of the town’s side alley where it was quiet and he would probably not be looked for. Drifting midway into the alley, he would plop down next to a dumpster scaring away a cat in the process, but he honestly didn’t care as he sat near the smelly thing feeling as if he belonged right there with the trash. He was worthless anyway, so this place was probably the only place he belonged in the end.

Heh…It always ended this way didn’t it? With these self-center illogical dark thoughts? Always... So why...why did he not just end it there? Literally erase himself and end everyone’s misery? Why did he convince himself every time, he could go on and things would get better when they only seemed to get worse and worse each time?

He honestly didn’t know as he quietly pulled his legs closer to himself before resting his head against his knee...and actually start to cry this time. It was a quiet bitter cry aimed at no one but himself as he wondered why he couldn't just do something about this. Why was he scared to act...or face this head on? He was a person right? He should have this ability and yet....here he was crying by a freaking dumpster when because he could not figure it out on his own.

He wasn’t sure how long he was going to stay like this. Didn't bother trying to time it all...He was too broken at the moment to think straight or do much else, but cry and continue to swim through that pool of negativity with him. In time, he would be able to pick himself up he suppose, but just not right now....
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Thu Dec 15, 2016 11:18 am

Layers? That sounded like too much bother. Feelings towards stuff or people were already complicated as is. He honestly didn’t see the need to personally attempt to complicate them further unless necessary. Or insert them literally everywhere for that matter. He didn’t see such stuff in layers. He simply recognized them for what they were and moved on. No point in mulling over the degrees of severity much unless it was truly demanding attention and a more detailed evaluation. Most situations however were pretty simple and could be swept away and cleaned out easy without the need to add extra dimensions that would only make the process more complicated. ‘’I prefer to not even think of the term unless I have to.’’ He would apply a judgment once he was faced with an exact situation. These theoretical equations were more or less useless anyway. Why make an overly layered system for something feeling based in your head, when real life situations are very fluid anyway? They may just turn your expectations around in the end. It’s best to put the pieces together when you actually have them in your hands.

Speaking of sense, he would tilt his head slightly. ‘’Well, what makes sense in reality matters more than what only makes sense in your head anyway, doesn’t it?’’ Sure, you can toss ideas and bounce them around inside your skull, but the result that actually comes from them outside your head is what matters. The things in your head might as well be completely useless, or something that you are throwing away could in fact prove to be great when applied for real. Of course, if you want to just sit and theorize without trying, that’s your choice. But then you can prove nothing in the end. That said, the next set of comments would pass by smoothly enough. There was no more to add anymore, seeing as the blonde opted to not argue in anyway, thus that particular matter would drift into silence before other issues overtook it some time later.

…and well, it still didn’t make any sense to him, but what else was really new? Though, one part he maybe did understand…but that only meant the blonde did not understand him in the first place. Just because he had tried to speak of more nice things before, that did not mean he wasn’t being himself at that point…or any point during this whole exchange, to be honest. Of course he wouldn’t get being told not to do that as a request to just be himself…because he hadn’t been trying to pretend in the first place? You can’t really tell someone to be themselves by telling them to stop doing certain things…not unless you know that those things in question were in fact some form of fake to begin with. He never gave any thought to how genuine he was in the first place. He just did what felt right. Unless he was consciously forcing himself to act a certain way, it was moot to even try to figure out how much he was being himself. There was no definite answer. The blonde would only keep tripping himself up if he tried assuming the meaning of shown behaviors and basing explanations on them. The best way really was to just be direct and saying what you wanted in flat, general terms. At least for as long as you didn’t know the person you were speaking to well enough to be sure in your guesses. Speaking of knowing and whatnot, headaches had nothing to do with this either? The other was really overestimating his stance on this. That was the only thing really rising through the roof at the moment. Yes, he wasn’t pleased with this development, but that was only natural, wasn’t it? Only some masochist would enjoy dealing with these things after all. Still, that alone did not say just how big of an effect did it truly have. Mildly displeased? Yes. However, he was pretty much calm in the end. He kept himself in check way more than the other, but apparently the guy did not realize that at all, being as focused on the possible negatives as he was. ‘’You’re thinking way too much into this….’’, he would comment simply, not even knowing what to say to it in the end. He could express a more direct disagreement with the thought patterns of the other…but what would that accomplish…? Probably the exact opposite of what both of them would rather see happening.

He would opt to say nothing to the next response, simply because he did not want to drag it out. Trying to reason was not working at all anyway. Regardless…would it really be right of the blonde to want to complain about how he was always told the same things? Considering that so many people apparently have had the chance to give him their opinion already…the demands were hardly sudden at this point, were they? Must have been a good time since the guy has heard it the first time. Seeing how bad it was though…well, did anything get changed since then? If you haven’t gotten off your ass and accomplished anything throughout all this time, maybe it is in fact warranted of people to keep reminding you. There is no way that you’d still be this bad if you were giving it all you could from the beginning. Even if it was hard and went slowly, some results would have been showing already. You don’t know how? Then work on finding out instead of being bothered by people laying it on you over and over again. They will never stop doing so if you don’t ever do some real shit about it without simply giving up right away.

Such a pain though. He was tired. Too much has happened throughout the entire day already. Somehow though, it always came down to someone else breaking down instead of him, even if they probably didn’t even have to deal with half of what he had. It was honestly beyond tiresome to always have to swallow others’ blow outs and tantrums, like he was some wall for people to use when they wanted to ping balls back and forth. And yet he always did it for some reason, even though he could easily just show people the finger and tell them to find someone else to implode over. It was as simple as that, but he never did it. Sometimes he wondered whether there was something wrong with him too, for doing that. Maybe he would explode himself one day as well? Wouldn’t that be an interesting ending? Ah well. No matter though.

What did matter however, was the fact that he found himself outside eventually, with nothing to do and nowhere to really head to. Which wasn’t all too new, seeing as he was always a wandered of sorts, and hardly ever felt drawn to a place that he would actually wish to stay at. So, why did he end up keeping an eye on the other? Even after all this? One would probably have a very hard time guessing that, and to be frank, even he wasn’t completely sure at this point. For some reason, it still sounded better than sneaking around like a shadow while doing nothing. This would at least give him something to engage his thoughts with. Even though he be damned for they obviously weren’t going to be the nicest. Same old? Maybe.

The only small snag in the situation would be that he wouldn’t quite end up following the blonde directly. Oh hell no. Not with the destination in mind. That was just a horribly bad idea. Drinking already made his stomach do loops randomly…and while he could probably stand stinky trash normally…he wanted to be nowhere near that like this. He didn’t want to start feeling sick now, so that was simply a no-go. What he would do though, is get a little bit of exercise done, which would actually end up being a nice thing, and find his way up on the rooftops on one side of the alley in question. Much better. The colder air up there was in fact rather pleasant.

That said and done, he wouldn’t go out of his way further. Did he only stick around to watch? Who knew. Still, he would not speak to the other, although the blonde would be able to notice him if he paid some attention, seeing as moving about to get to his spot wouldn’t be entirely silent. Not when there was no one else besides them in the area to drown out any noises. For now though…he would just kind of stare out at the sky…

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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:55 pm

“Ah...K.” That was all the blonde had to say to that as he swallowed the other’s answer easily enough. The other had a very different way of thinking indeed. Instead of seeing in layers he seemed like the sort to just deal with what was in front of him and not create rings or layers that defined closeness or not closeness. The type where it either was something or wasn’t something. End of story. It was definitely more sure footed and less complicated than Rika’s system of thinking for sure, but in the end everyone saw relationships differently, no? So even if one saw things in a more direct manner another wouldn’t always do the same.

As if to prove this point, the other would make a comment that the blonde found quite intriguing. As he heard the words, the blonde would tilt his head at the other as he gave him a thoughtful look. “Purhapz….ten again purhapsss not. We tink maybe ta mind shoulb conssider a bit moar tan tat. See….Reality iz wut ta mind makes it, yes? Dessspite wut happenz or wut peeps do, iz it not ta mind tat shapess what we perseive as real or not real? Ssso how cam reality matter moar if the mind shapez it in ta first place?” It was an odd thing, but how could one say what reality really was without considering the mind in the process? Just like layers for emotions and what not, this wasn’t about theorizes or what have you, this was a way one processed the world and the people with around them. So naturally the mind was had equal weight in the matter...right?

Letting that curiosity go where it would, there would be a great gap of silence as some topics went to a peaceful rest and others were left in odd uncomfortable places. It was true the blonde probably had everything wrong, his mind too negative at the moment to see clearly and in turn see that the other wasn’t really getting mad at the situation at all. To him, the world was crumbling yet again and so instead of breaking down even more than he had already, the blonde decided to leave and head towards a more isolated place where he could battle this beast on his own like he always did. He had heard what the other said about overthinking things...and maybe he was going too far into it the madness, but even realizing this, he was still spiraling out of control internally with no way of stopping it.

When the other mentioned doing something about it before the blonde wasn’t complaining when he said he heard similar words time and time again. People that didn’t actually have the problem or had even gone through something similar never understood the matter. Never understood that pushing the one suffering towards the goal with words was not always the wisest path. Yes, he knew he had to move on his own, but that was really hard. It was almost like being chained up for so long that once you were finally free and could actually run, you just couldn’t due to fear and thoughts welling up inside that kept you chained by something invisible that made you suffer in ways that words could not explain. He knew what he had to do, but doing it? That was a completely different challenge...and it was frustrating to boot. He should be able to just take the jump, but he just didn’t… He didn’t get what stopped him or what he was fearing, but it was there. A barrier that held him back every time.

He wasn’t like the other. He wasn’t as strong as he appeared on the surface and even less strong when it came to dealing with issues pertaining to himself. Sure, he could throw on a happy face and love and care for others, but at the end of the day...he viewed himself as worthless. Yet much like helping himself, he was too much of a coward to kill himself too, so he was stuck in his personal hell with no where to run or hide. He just had to face it time and time again. It was a vicious cycle….an unbelievably illogical and vicious cycle that came harder each time he broke. It hurt like hell and always made him feel isolated from the world, but he suppose that was simply how it was going to be. No one could fix him, but himself so that was that.

...And so here he was feeling sick and physically beat up surround by filth and trash because he simply had no higher thought of his own self worth at the moment. He was a sad and messy case, but who cared? The trash next to him? He thought not. No he was alone in this personal hell and would remain that way for who knew how long. He didn’t expect anyone to save him from the hell and most certainly didn’t expect anyone to follow him into the alley where he quietly weeped in his own misery. He would cry for a bit with his head buried against his knee; however, a sound disturbed him from his hell causing him to look up with blood shoot eyes and a face that was pretty much a mess thanks to running make up that made him look like quite the monster to be honest, but he didn’t give a shit about that right now as his eyes scanned around the alley first to make sure there wasn’t some other drunk or hostile passbyer coming his way. When he saw the alley was clear, his eyes would drift upward and spot --

“.....”

At first the blonde’s expression was blank as he saw the very guy he had thought for sure would not show up again after what had happened and even if he had shown up again, this soon? No he did not think that possible...so why then was the guy up there now? Why was he watching him and then looking off towards the sky? What was that all about? Was it some sign that he was more superior than him? Was he mocking him or saw this as some sort of free show? Just what?

The blonde was confused and upset all at once. The two emotions shifting the blank expression into a frown of anger for two seconds as he glared up at the other. He wanted to chew him out, but knew that was no good. The guy….really hadn’t done anything to confirm his thoughts, but still…..

Trembling and unable to stop the still flowing tears, the blonde would look away from the other as a variety of things flowed through him. He was angry with the situation at hand, confused as to why the guy still sought him out (he highly doubted it was coincidence he was on the roof of the same alley he was in), and very much embarrassed the guy saw him like this. It wasn’t a good state to be in and as all those emotions went through him and mixed they would eventually settle into simmering pot of bitterness.

So when he finally did find his voice, it would come out heavy and worn.

“Habe come to gwak at tis miserable pile of trash? Iz it pleazing ta see?” Yeah he was bitter alright. There was no denying that from tone alone, but he didn’t know how to feel any other way...and he highly doubted this one sough him out to comfort him or anything. So if not to gwak and laugh then why was he on a roof watching him and the sky? Some part of him knew this would probably go badly...but then again, he wouldn’t be surprised. Nothing ever went right when it came to dealing with him like this, so why should he expect this outcome to be different?
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Thu Dec 15, 2016 3:00 pm

…what? This was getting a little out of hand, wasn’t it? Sure you can think of things beyond reality, but that doesn’t make them real? He was talking about actual reality that one can interact with and whatnot. If you have a table in front of you, it’s a table, and your mind isn’t going to change that any? ‘’Only to the extent it is possible though? The world around you won’t bow to just any whim your mind comes up, will it? If you imagine an apple in your mind, there isn’t going to be one in front of you as a result of that. What stays in your mind can go above and beyond, but the real world has certain rules your mind cannot simply bypass. The other way around is the same. I mean, you can think something is not real if you so wish…but if it is in fact there, your imagination won’t will it away by itself. It would only be a form of pretending it is not real. Being blind to what is doesn’t make your mind be the smarter one in the sack. A crazy idea in your head will only stay a crazy idea unless you can prove it works in the real world. If it can’t, then can you really say your mind is actually shaping something real there? I’m not saying the mind does not matter, but isn’t reality what confirms whether the stuff on your mind is in fact viable and worth anything other than being labeled as a random thought?’’ You can see reality however you want, but certain things are simply what they are. You seeing them differently won’t affect what they really are. A perception is how you think you see something, but your mind isn’t actually making that something truly be what you see. It may not be. You could just be hallucinating for all you know.

Whatever happened with that aside though…

What did that change? People may not understand, but is not saying anything wiser in any way? If they won’t let you know about it loudly enough, you’d get lulled into thinking being that way is pretty much okay, and have even less motivation to even consider trying to change. A false sense of security is no wiser path than pressuring. And maybe sometimes a harsh enough kick in the ass would actually do the trick. Who knows? There are times when you simply have to either jump…or let yourself fall down the deep canyon in front of you, because there is no way back anymore. One day, you’ll have to face the ultimate choice, because you’ve exhausted all the temporary escape paths already. No one can keep running from themselves forever, and trying to delay that can bite you in your own ass just as well as you think other people’s words are doing right now. You’ve got to pick which the lesser evil is yourself…

Regardless of what could or could not be, the reality was not much better either. Differently so for both of them though. Frankly, he had no idea what the guy was trying to accomplish at all. If the attempt was with the intention to draw some raise out of him, there would simply be none. He was done being mad a good while ago, and he certainly did not have enough energy left to do it again in such a short amount of time. Well, he could still be pushed sure, but it would take a lot more to make him go that way again, even a little bit. He would remain silent for a while, almost as if he didn’t even intend to grace that with a response. Eventually though, he would shift in his spot slightly. ‘’Is that really what you believe?’’, he would ask, his tone neutral and not really hinting at anything at the moment. Moving a bit to sit down on the edge of a roof, one leg hanging down, the other propped on the edge with his chin against his knee, he would add onto his inquiry. ‘’If you don’t mind my curiosity, could you enlighten me as to why do you think I would come here to do something like that?’’ His stand was certainly firm right now, and the other could probably try to throw a handful of trash at him and still get next to no reaction. Well, a reaction in the sense of it being an obviously negative one, that is. It was like…he was just letting things pass through him for now, more than anything else…
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Sun Dec 18, 2016 11:31 am

The blonde would hear the words that followed and give the other a perplexed look. That went way deeper than he expected it to go. All he had been getting at was that the mind creates the reality around a person...their understanding of it. He wasn’t saying the physical didn’t matter. No that was always there. What he had been getting at was what one referred to as reality. Sure the physical world could be considered a form of reality. It existed and did indeed impose rules and what not on the living, but at the same time just because everyone saw the same things and had the same rules that bound them physically, did that really make what was there a part of a person’s reality?

Maybe in the literal sense, but in the end the mind still warped and shape what one defined as real. So yes that imaginary apple may not be physically real, but does that make any less real to the one imagining it? No. If one believed it enough, even the imaginary were real things. That apple could indeed be very real to the one imagining it and in turn could indeed trick the body into believing it is real food. Sure, it was nonsensical, but that did not change the fact that for that person who believed in that fake apple that it was real. The same applied to ideas.

Yes crazy ideas really held no water until they were acted upon in some way whether it be by going to make the idea physical or simply acting out what you see in your head. The other said a wandering thought was a wandering thought until proven to work on the physical plain, but how about things that could not be proven and yet still existed? Were all those things about spirits and ghosts just a figment of someone’s imagination to him since you did not have any real proof that trying to communicate with them or do things for said spirits actually worked? Could not prove they were real or not? It was indeed a curious subject, but one the blonde had a feeling they would probably go in an endless circle about….and at this point in the game he was a bit done with circles for the time being.

So the blonde would only give him the odd look for a bit before shaking his head with a light sigh.

“Web dun beliebe da physsical can albways prove tings in a personz reality arb real or not.” He would shrug and let that one go there seeing no point in trying to argue over a point they may not come to agreement on in the end. Even less so when his mind was twirling a bit and emotions he tried to keep buried began to show as time went on.

When things escalated and the pair separated temporarily, the blonde had fallen in a rather deep state of self-loathing and depression that continued to linger for a long time. These feeling and these thoughts...they had always been there, but up until about a year or so ago he had always managed to ignore the thoughts..but then something broke along the way and they came at him with a vengeance. Always he was driven to the edge, but he always had found escape. Found some way of convincing himself he was okay and found a path to avoid facing what was there. He had been running...He realized that, but didn’t want to admit it. Not to himself or out loud. He kept it all hidden until the pressure built up and he came undone like now. Typically, he just struggled on his own and made up some other story in his head to convince himself he was fine….even when he wasn’t. He didn’t want people to see this side of him or know about it. Didn’t want to worry them...or gain judgement from it. So he stayed where he was. Right at the edge of that cliff of despair unsure if the next time he would actually succumb to it or not. He knew it didn’t change a thing what he did, but even so he was never forced to face the issue...until now that is.

The taller male had followed him and while he did snap at him, the other didn’t get mad or become sarcastic about it all. Instead, he remained calm and sat down on the roof...a sign he was probably not going to leave him alone. Now whether this was good or bad was yet to be seen, but for the moment the blonde was rather ruffled by the matter as his to lash out drive the other away failed, leaving him to be deal with being observed.

Unable to show much else right now, but agitation and anger, the blonde would hear the words spoken as his lips pulled back into an ugly baring of teeth as he looked away from the other disgusted not with the other, but rather himself and the situation as he rested his head on his knee and pulled his legs closer to him.

“Wut doze it matta ta ya?” he would mutter automatically backing up to try to avoid the problem at hand. He didn’t know this guy well and even if he did this was a matter, he was terrified to face head on. If he stated what was on his heart and mind...then how would that look to the other? Or anyone else for that matter? He would be laying himself bare if he spoke up and would be at the mercy of the other party, who could very well take his weakness and do something horrible with it if they wanted to...and there was nothing he could fight back with if that happened. No...He didn’t want that to happen….and yet he kind of needed that to happen to get better.

Worry and fear kept his mouth shut, but the longer that occurred the more his internal anger at himself built up. He hated being this way and when given a chance to potentially get this shit off his chest the first thing he did is back away and try to avoid it. Tch! Damn it...why was it so hard to do? It seemed so simple and yet here he was unable to make that necessary step towards change...and he hated himself for it. Yes...he really was just trash in the end. Hopeless, worthless trash…

The dark thoughts only made him cruel up tighter, the shaking still there as he tried, but failed to keep it all contained.

When he heard the other speak again, he reluctantly looked up at the other for a brief second taking note of the behavior and positioning. A part of him wanted to tell him to just go away, but at the same time he didn’t want be alone. He would look off to the side again unable to keep eye contact as he simply shrugged.

“Web dun see any uffer reason for ya ta follow or watch uz. Not like web’re buddiez or somefink, so we can’t see ya comin’ out of concern or care. So ef not ta gwak and be amuzed, ten why are ya ‘ere?”

His voice was dry, drained, and calm. A voice used to try and cover up the vast amount of agony he was going through with in. Even so the words were honest in the end. Though how long he would stay calm was questionable.
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Sun Dec 18, 2016 4:43 pm

Well, the two of them definitely had very different ideas about the matter. Besides, this was never about personal reality? That was hardly what he meant when he originally stated that what made sense in reality was more important than just imagination. So maybe to you that apple would seem real, but for as long as no one else sees it that way, and you’re just imagining things, you won’t accomplish anything truly real. People would only give you odd looks for trying to sprout nonsense and possibly label you as a lunatic eventually. If something can’t stand up to the outside world and succeed, what else do you plan to back it up with? Simply childishly puffing up and claiming that it’s true regardless of the fact that you can’t prove it to anyone by any means? That won’t get you very far in the world, now will it? Good luck finding people who will believe you forever simply based on your..pretty much empty claims. Well, guess there will always be some, but that is certainly not the norm. At least, he wouldn’t think so.

‘’If you can’t prove something by any means, what good will it do to you? You may think of something as real, but if no one else sees the same because you are just imagining it, it won’t go very far, will it? People need something, some solid reason to believe a claim. If you have none, how long do you expect they will blindly accept what you say as truly real? I’m simply saying that if you want something to get really accepted, it does need to have some grounding. Unless you plan to just float around in your personal world and dreams all the time without accomplishing much, that is.’’ Imagination is great. When you only do it for yourself. But to function in the world, you have to step out of your personal bubble too, and put out something solid enough.

That odd topic aside, things would become pretty grim soon enough, causing the situation to become kind of strained. And obviously very problematic. The saddest part was, he was probably not the best choice when it came to dealing with situations like these. While the setting wasn’t that unfamiliar to him, he was not very skilled in working things out properly. Which was likely going to make this endeavor even harder than it needed to be. Alas, someone had to do it, right…?

…whether it would be done right was another matter however, but there wasn’t really the time to think about that at this point. His reactions would remain minor, even in the face of what was happening, although he would tilt his head slightly at the question he got in return. ‘’Considering you’re the one who spit the idea in my face first, isn’t it a little too late to start claiming it shouldn’t matter to me?’’, he would inquire at first, his tone still in neutral zones. He wasn’t trying to provoke the other or anything, but he wasn’t going to lie there. If the blonde didn’t want that topic to start to matter, why try accusing him of such in the first place? Not the best play ever made. He would shake his head afterwards however. ‘’Regardless, why not? I can choose what I want to matter to me and what I don’t, can’t I?’’ He didn’t know much detail yet, so there wasn’t much in-depth reasoning for his choice to be given yet, but in the end, did he really need to say why he was choosing to dabble in something? People do such without explanations all the time, when it comes to various things.

When the next response came though, he would blink a few times at first, followed by a low hum as he thought about it for a while. Why? Well, that was the million dollar question, wasn’t it? However, the blonde had the wrong idea there, even in general. Does that matter? That’s like saying one simply isn’t supposed to care and help anyone they aren’t friends with. If that was the case, then stuff like charities and people helping strangers who need it wouldn’t even exist, would they? You aren’t restricted to only lending a hand to someone who is your buddy. Of course, you probably wouldn’t put your hand in the fire for such a person, but if it is something you can do without losing anything important…is it so unbelievable? Then again…he could admit he probably did not give the image of being a person who helps others for free. To be frank, he in fact did not do it very often. It really depended on the situation at hand, because circumstances can easily vary wildly. ‘’Well, if you really want to see, all you have to do is look hard enough, no? Do we need to be buddies for me to care in any way? People help each other for various reasons after all, and friendship definitely does not need to be the only one. If it was, nobody would be helping homeless people or raising charities for those who need it. So, why couldn’t I?’’ Of course, that was just the general premise, and his actual reasons were more complex than that. But still, it did kind of stand on that in the end. Just because someone comes around when you’re not doing well and isn’t your friend at that moment, does it really have to mean they’re there simply to make fun of you? Why did the other even think that way anyway?
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Mon Dec 19, 2016 5:49 am

He had tried to end the conversation about reality with his shorter response, but instead the other had found more to add onto it. Did this bother the blonde? Not really. It was more amusing than bothersome. So since they were in this spot, he would take in what the other said and in turn think quietly on the matter for a few moments. The words that were heard only addressed half of what he spoke of. Yes imagination was one reality, but there was one deeper that he was getting at with his words. The other said have a solid founding or some proof that people could get behind and follow, but what about spirits, religion, and other things of that nature? Things that did not have solid proof in any of the normal means and yet people followed without ever doubting what they were being told? Yeah, he had a lot to say about that one, but instead of pushing this matter further and getting into an endless debate over something that may go in circles and potentially go in a bad direction to boot, the blonde would give the other a small smile.

“Web still only see wut is presented az a partial truff. You don’t alwayz need solid proof for a following.” You honestly just needed a believable lie or story and a way with words to keep many hooked for years to come. Trick the mind and even the imaginary is real. The blonde would eventually shake his head at this. “Howeber, if ya only belief in somfink with proof ten web suppose that is yar choice.” He would say before becoming quiet and not pushing the matter forward unless of course the other wanted to continue the conversation that is.

Rika would go with the flow of that matter until it decided to end and then from there? Well…..

Rika’s mood would remain unstable and unpredictable as his misery continued to eat at him. He would shift from deeply sad to highly agitated in seconds making it hard to gauge just what might or might not trigger the blonde; however, despite this rather dangerous field, the other stayed around and decided to test his luck by interacting with the upset blonde.

To his inquiry, golden eyes would snap back up to the taller male as a splash of red tainted those orbs.

“So stating a fact is suddenly need for concern?” The blonde’s eyes would narrow as he growled the worlds at the other. Well, he had given an answer to the previous inquiry in his rage unconsciously, but even more important than that was the behavior displayed that the blonde had zero tolerance for word games and if one wasn’t careful, the wrong sort of pokes could make the situation worse no matter how calmly they were delivered. Despite the neutral tone used, Rika was in no mood of having words thrown back at him or being blamed for starting things simply because he had stated something in his moment of despair.

He did not need someone to play blame games or any other sort of game with him. Nor did he need someone poking at him like he was some sort of strange specimen to be examined. These sort of things already made him feel uncomfortable in normal circumstances and in this state that discomfort was only amplified. So while the other may not have meant anything beyond simply questioning the blonde, his calm behavior and neutral approach had a dual effect on him since Rika couldn’t be sure what the other meant….not that he really knew what the other meant at times when he was calmer, but that was another story. The point was the first inquiry came off as a “you did it, so deal it” sort of comment that just rubbed the blonde wrong despite the delivery.

Wherever that went though, the flare was minor and would quickly burn out as the other asked another question...A question that had the blonde looking away again as he settled into a moodiness. He didn’t have an answer or a counter for that one. There wasn’t really one since everyone was free to choose what they did or did not do…. Did or did not care about. So at first the man would get silence and then a moody “We suppoze so….”

Though why the man was bothering with him at all was beyond him. In fact, it puzzled him so much that he had actually questioned the guy about it. As the other responded back, the blonde would remain looking off to the side as he used his hands to carefully wipe away some of the ruining make up. He was still a mess to look at just a little less so with some of the make up removed from the swipe. Regardless of that, the blonde would take in the answer and with a little time he would answer back in those same dry tones from before.

“No. Web suppoze not, but we didn’t askz for a general scoop off ta matter,” the blonde would pause as he took a deep breath ignoring the hideous smell of trash somehow as he leaned back against the wall and looked up at the other feeling sick and drained. “....Ya don’t seemb like ta sort ta go out of yar way to come to someone’s aid...shallow tinking maybe, but honestly ya seem ta be ta sort to juss shove off when it combs to stuff like tis. Even more so wiff a stranger such az us….So we askz again. Why are ya bothering with uz?”

The blonde’s tones were calm, but he was dead serious about his question. He wanted to know what the other’s deal was. While it was true that some people did give and aid out of the goodness of their hearts so to speak, Sharaku did not to seem to fit that bill. Instead, he seemed to be the sort to only be bothered with something if in turn it was going to get him something in turn. Though what the hell the other expected to get out of this outside of perhaps a headache and frustration was beyond the blonde who not exactly the best at imagining happy scenarios at the moment.

Even so for the time being the blonde had settled into a calm sort of moodiness that was still explosive, but at least for now hadn’t been triggered too badly as he took to observing the other above him who despite how the tables were turned remained...and who knew maybe underneath all the scowling and turbulence that was his emotional state the blonde actually appreciated this, but at the same time he was in no condition to show it. Still at least he wasn’t biting for now…..
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Mon Dec 19, 2016 4:02 pm

‘’Well, if people want to follow things that could possibly be a lie, that’s on them. I think it could be a rather major waste of time to keep investing beliefs in stuff that never gets proven and doesn’t even help you much as is, even with plenty time available for someone to find a way to do so. There’s a point past which I’d really start wondering whether I’m not just being led by the nose. I suppose many people are too easy to sway though, because they simply want to cling onto seemingly great things, even if those things never turn out to be reachable, no matter how long they wait for it.’’ It just didn’t sit well with him. He’d rather be a bit skeptical instead of blindly eating every bite offered. If he was interested, he would perhaps look into something, but when the possibilities appeared to come up pretty much empty, he wouldn’t keep at it forever. Religion has always baffled him, to be completely frank. At least, most of the religions that existed. If God truly existed and cared so much for humans, then why did so many innocent people die all the time? You could spend so much of your time praying to higher beings and whatnot, even giving them offerings…and then just randomly die in a car crash or such without it even being your fault. What did the almighty God ever do for you then? You won’t live a better life simply because you believe in deities. Nor do you have a better chance of having more luck or living longer. No one will grant you that just because. So what is really the point of holding this spiritual stuff in high regards then? You could instead spend the time wasted on that on bettering yourself. If said spirits are never proven real, it’s as if they had pretty much zero true presence. Which brings the question…do you even need to believe in them? You’ll live pretty much the same life whether you do or don’t.

Whatever though. To each their own in the end….

Ironically enough, despite having such high opinion on believing in things without proof and whatnot, the other certainly knew how to be overly paranoid about stuff. One can be concerned whether there is true need for it or not, can’t they? Plus, someone could certainly use taking a few chill pills. ‘’Considering what said ‘fact’ was? I’d say it easily can be. Not sure what are you getting at in the end though. Or if you expect me to just pretend I never heard you say anything simply because that’s what you’ve decided to want on second thought. With all due respect, I can only work with what you give me, and that’s how I shall roll.’’ The other could get mad all he wanted to, but that wouldn’t change anything. You said what you said. Even if you didn’t mean it, you can’t simply erase those words out of existence. You could try to explain yourself somehow or politely give a reason for it to not be discussed, but not like the blonde was making much effort there. He wasn’t going to accept blatant avoidance and snappy bites as a good reason for him to stop. If you have it in you to bite and get angry, then you should be able to redirect that energy into some more substantial words too. You can’t take things back, but you can always make up for them somehow.

The next comment seemed to pass pretty well, and he wouldn’t dig further into that, having gotten an answer that did not require further talk for the moment. The one after however, would definitely require a lot to get through. This was mildly off-putting, to be honest. Like, hey, why should the other get a pass on avoiding questions while he gets drilled for an answer? What makes it suddenly more okay to press on when questioning is turned against him instead? His expression would turn blank for a good while. More so than usual, which would mean something about this probably bothered him a good deal. He would shift a little to sit up slightly more straight. ‘’You really like being paranoid, don’t you? What’s it matter why? I would think most people would be glad that someone stayed around in the first place, rather than looking for all the details as if trying to drive even that one person who bothered away. If you were indeed right in your opinion, wouldn’t that mean I shouldn’t even be here now?’’ His tone did gain a slight edge this time around, although it wasn’t really aimed at the other specifically, and didn’t quite give the impression that he was mad at the guy or such. He just seemed…mildly uncomfortable, more or less. Sometimes he seriously questioned his sanity when it came to doing these things. Was it truly worth it? In all honesty, he didn’t know for sure. It was too late to turn back now though. He was no coward, and whether this was worth it or not, he already wasted the energy to get as far as this anyway. Would be even more of a waste to just flee in the end. He didn’t want to do this but…what else was there to do…?

His thinking process was pretty fast though, so despite what he said before, the blonde wouldn’t get much time there, and probably not enough time to give a proper response. Which worked for him anyway. He would give the other a rather bitter look for a moment. And he wasn’t even trying to eat lemons here. Still, it was obvious enough that this didn’t come easy for him for whatever reason.


‘’Alright, look, I’ll talk. However, it would be greatly appreciated that you pull your weight too, instead of trying to avoid the actually important questions while you spend the time poking holes in my reasons. It’s only fair.’’

How about a more fair game? If he had to answer things he didn’t like talking about, it would be very nice of the other to make the same effort, instead of spending his time hissing and tossing out unpleasant opinions. He didn’t enjoy one-sided endeavors very much. It’s not even a good motivation to keep going when you’re the only one giving up anything in the end.

Well, he couldn’t know whether the blonde would choose to listen and make the effort, for he could still just get noped afterwards and be unable to do much about it, but so be it. For now. Shaking his head to himself, he would move again, this time to stand up and linger very close to the edge of the roof he was on.

‘’…you’re not wrong about one thing. I’m not exactly keen on lending a hand to everyone around me who seems to be not doing well. It isn’t my responsibility to fix other people’s problems for them. Why should it be? I have my own issues to deal with after all, and it’s not like I expect them to be solved for me. On top of that, many people are adept fakers, and play their misery off to be worse than it is, just so they can get cared about for free. I hate that. What a good part of the society has become, because they are unwilling to make any effort on their own. Sure, it’s easier to appeal to the good-hearted people and get special treatment even when you don’t truly deserve it, but it’s a very low blow to pull….’’

He did not wish to become a doormat just to have people see him as a good guy. He’d rather be called a jerk and lend a hand only when it was truly necessary. People can think what they want to. If he knows that they don’t have enough knowledge about his actions for their opinion to be truly valid, there’s no reason for him to take that to heart too much. He knows what he does and why. They only know what they think they see. And there’s a difference between those two.

‘’But….that doesn’t mean I don’t understand. I prefer to be firm, because sometimes that’s what people need. If I were to just wiggle around and say nothing, would they ever truly realize that something needs to be done, and that running away in fear does nothing in the long run? I don’t seek to make people think that their blow outs are okay even when they are not. Lulling them into believing they are fine enough in a way won’t motivate them to want to push through the issues. It will instead give them another reason to cling onto the idea that perhaps they don’t have to fight and will be just fine without taking any action. Some like you may see it as a way of shoving people away. I just think that there has to be someone who pushes others forward when they’re reluctant to get a move on by themselves.’’ Well, just to make things clear. Might as well be thorough with it if he was taking the gander to answer to this. And perhaps this info would be of use eventually, who knows?

He would click his tongue lightly. ‘’To answer that ‘why’ of yours though…’’, he would trail off a bit, an odd expression passing over his face before he took on a more forward stance, his hands on his hips.


'’Perhaps I am not the sort that openly supports sticking one’s hand in fire to provide aid to random people. I can’t deny that. However, I do know what’s it like to be on the other side of the fence. I’d rather see people learn how to be competent, that much is a fact, but we can’t always be. While not for the exact same reasons, I was in your kind of position once before. I ended up being helped by someone I didn’t even know. He only knew me from seeing me hang around where he lived and we never spoke to each other before. Yet, he bothered to go out of his way to stand up for a random stranger. I…don’t really know whether it’s worth it for me to do this. But perhaps I don’t even want to know. It is what it is. I don’t have a better explanation, so take that as you will, if it truly matters any.’’
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Tue Dec 20, 2016 8:27 pm

“Iz tat so.” The man was quite the skeptic and while some of what he said was true, the blonde still did not agree fully with the man. Some things simply could not be proven and when it came to spirits or God, he didn’t believe it was all a matter of trying to hold onto something great. No it went beyond that and seemed to heal and make believer’s stronger in the long run. There was no proof what those that led religion gatherings said was true outside of what was written in books or the stories others told. There was no proof and yet thousands of people stayed on particular paths to serve and spread the love of God to others. There was no proof that anything they did was right or would be pleasing to God, but they did it anyway. Believing fully in their beliefs without proof that anything they did was going to gain the ultimate prize at the end.

Rika didn’t believe this made their path foolish or fake, he just saw it as another way of viewing life as a whole. Just like he saw the whole argument of there not being a God due to what actually happens in reality as another. They were all views of life that he took in and accepted in his own way. Everyone had their own way of believing in things and making sense of the world and in the end there was probably no right or wrong to live life, so why bother trying to convince someone your way is the only way if you had different views? He didn’t believe in doing that or condemning someone of a different mindset for their ways. No he was fine with discussing such matters even if one was different from himself belief wise. He found such discussions quite enlightening and great opportunities to be exposed to things he otherwise wouldn’t be exposed to if he simply stayed around the same all the time.

...And perhaps if he had been actually sober rather than drunk, he might’ve attempted discussing this further despite the fact he knew they more than likely would go in circles since they were indeed on opposite ends of the spectrum. It was definitely a topic of interest for him, but for now he didn’t push the matter any further as he left it with his short response for now. Maybe if somewhere down the road this topic came up again they could go further than this, but not now.

No instead their chat would decide to go down a darker rabbit hole where high emotions and negativity resided on one end and some rather surprising patience and calmness rested on the other.

To what was heard, Rika would only give the other a glare. As much as he wanted to find something to bite back with he just couldn’t for two reasons really. One...there was really no arguing that point. He couldn’t take back what he said nor could he control what the other did with it and two...he honestly had no legit reason to stay pissed at the other who for whatever reason had decided to come out of his way to find him despite the state he was in. He….was just being difficult, wasn’t he?. Some part of the blonde knew this, but did not want to admit it out loud, so instead the mixture of guilt and hurt became silence as he watched the other for a bit longer before looking away and resting his head on his knee... a reluctant acceptance of what was said.

He would keep quiet letting small silences pass between them until the situation came back to his question of why the other was even bothering with him. When the other began to speak at first, the blonde would tense as the other called him paranoid. He didn’t like that and could actually find a lot of rather unpleasant things to say back in response to the that. Paranoid..He wasn’t paranoid. He just wanted to know what the other wanted with him. He had to be here for something right? So what did he want to do? Stand there and lecture him? Examine him like some sort of alien specimen? Logic him to death? What? What was it that he wanted to gain so badly that he was willing to stand/sit there and take the verbal abuse or even linger around such negativity? Why did it matter, he asked. It mattered because what the man said or did not say would help Rika’s suspicious mind become clear on somethings floating upstairs. He just needed to know what he was dealing with….Sure words could decieve, but he didn’t think the man before him would pull that sort of trick...or at least he hoped not.

Despite this, the blonde would shoot a glare at the other at first and had half the mind to tell him off; however, he held his tongue as he heard the change in the other’s tone and took note of the other’s odd behavior. It was nothing huge, but still the other didn’t seemed pleased or comfortable at the moment, but why that was Rika could not tell as he took to reclining against the walls watching the other with a moody, yet somehow still neutral expression. The said he would talk...on the condition he too talked. Well he wasn’t so sure how inclined he was to do that, but maybe he would consider it. At least that is how he thought as he looked off to the side a bit not accepting or denying the terms for the time being as he simply took to listening to what the other had to say.

He was right that the other wasn’t the type to simply lend a hand to others just because, but the reasons for this was vastly different than what the blonde had first imagined. It wasn’t that the guy was stuck up or arrogant or even cold hearted, but rather simply because he didn’t want to be yanked around by those being insincere or false with what they displayed. He didn’t trust what he saw….so it made the blonde even more curious as to why he had gone out of his way and came to him. While it was true he was by no means faking any of this, how did the other determine who was lying and who wasn’t? It was a curious matter that got the blonde to slowly turn his head a bit so he could see the other better out of the corner of his eye.

His expression was still riddled with moodiness, but there was a slight change in the glare given. It wasn’t a hate filled one, but rather one of consideration as he continued to watch the other still unsure how to react to him or his word….and maybe if he had stopped there the blonde would’ve reamained even more uncertain, but the man continued on.

To the next part the blonde would wince a bit as he looked away from the other again. The other was cold to push others forward. It seemed like a strange and rather frustrating way to do things and yet…..Somehow it made sense when he thought about it. It was true this was the first time he truly broke this badly before a stranger. In the past he had gotten close to it, but the nearby friend would calm him down with pats and softs words and just gently remind him that it was okay...that they were always there...when in reality only three were truly at his back and now that they had moved elsewhere no one. Sure he had Mother, but all she did was pretend to comfort him one minute and then bark at him to do something about said crying fits another, but her reasons were always due to not so much care, but simply wanting him to be stable enough to carry out whatever plan she had in store. From her, the matter ended in frustration forcing him to walk away to be alone and fight out on his own….make up his own lies as to why he was okay and didn’t need to off himself. Those walls....familiar, safe, but fake. As soon as they were removed he was lost and vulnerable…. He hated the feeling and the thoughts of what would happen if someone caught him like this. This guy though….He had done what he feared would happen, but instead of trying to give him a wall to hide behind and telling him it was going to be okay, the man above him forced him to face what he did not wish to face….He didn’t want to face it….and yet…..

While his body did shake and the occasional unsteady breath came, the blonde would swallow what he heard in his own way as he picked at a piece of glitter on his dress.  “.......” The blonde would remain quiet his eyes only returning to the other when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. As for what he heard….

Rika would watch the other on the roof quietly for a moment as his expression became blank even though his eyes remained tense. It was hard to say what was on his mind at the moment or even if he was going to say anything back. At first it seemed as if the blonde really was going to say nothing, but then he would close his eyes as his head bowed and he let out a sigh that sounded almost relieved This guy…he really was just trying to help wasn’t he? He suppose he should stop being a pain in the ass then….

Rika would reopen his eyes a bit and speak.

“Tis sorta stuff matterz to uz….moar than we care to admit….We rather be sure tan be left with our thoughts on somefink we honestly know nuffing about. Even more so whimb we are like tis…” The words were soft and hesitant, yet audible in the alley. This was hard to do...open up like this, but even so the blonde continued on. “We arb... accustomed to peeps juss sayin tings to make us feel better to later use uz for their own purposes when we are better. We habe cumb acrozz pure kindness...maybe once in our lives, but itz been so long we cannot remember if it waz real or juss a dream….You wayz...pull at uncomfortable tings in my life. It remindz us too much of what we get all ta time whimb we are like tis. Wordz to do tis or pats to make uz feel better juss so in the moment we are back on our feet we can be of use for some selfish purpose. We are so used to the one comforting uz….but only doing ‘cause somefink is wanted in return….like web owe tem for what they do...we suppoze we don’t take as well to genuine kindness...becauze we honestly forgot what it iz...Itz been tat long. So when presented wiff somefink that seems to good to be true….web lash out…. Bad we know, but we dun wanna fall into tat samb hole over and over again…..don’t want utters ta do the same tat happens already to uz….” The blonde would take a breath to steady himself before continuing on.

“Ya asked if you shouldn’t be here…..but in reality web are lucky ya didn’t say screw it and walk off yet. Our behavior iz far from forgiveable or excuzable, but….it is what is...Tis is just how we are,” his eyes drifted up to the other as he attempted to smile, but instead the look came off as grimace of pain. “A mizerable piece of trash….hardly worth anyonez time ….” he would trail off there as he hugged his knees to himself feeling highly uncomfortable. He was opening a door he had avoided for years and with a strange to boot . He wanted to run, the anxiety and fear about what he was doing high,  but….he forced himself to stay. He could not run...not again…Besides...he felt he at least owed the other something for what he had shared. After all, he did drive the other to reveal something he probably didn’t want to reveal, so he suppose it was only fair to share similar information and allow himself to be vulnerable too….Though whether this trade was good or not would depend on what the other did now that it was out there.
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Wed Dec 21, 2016 6:08 pm

Yes, so it was. And so what? Just because some people kept doing such without needing any proof, that did not mean it was a very valid counter in the end. He wasn’t saying this to refute what people did or didn’t actually do. That wasn’t something he could change with his words regardless of what would he say. In the end, he didn’t really even care what others did? It had no impact on his own actions, or even his opinion of a topic for that matter. To him, believing in something that could just be a well thought out hoax meant literally nothing. If he had to choose, he would rather believe in someone who he knew was real. That way, he’d know he was doing it for a good reason, and actually have a solid reason to feel good about doing it. Rather than just empty beliefs that are based only on the hope that maybe, just maybe you are looking up to someone that in fact does exist. It didn’t matter that some others did it. He just couldn’t. Such a course of action simply didn’t make him feel anything. It wasn’t worth it. Not when there was nothing there to even slightly convince him that the God or whatever was truly there. That said, he would simply shrug in the end. He didn’t have anything more to say without pretty much repeating himself at that point, and it didn’t seem like the blonde was trying to make the conversation progress beyond that either. So guess that was that?

Too bad things didn’t pass away as smoothly as that when it came to the tougher topics later. Ah well, what can one do, right? Sure, silences happened, but not all of them were very pretty. Still, he wouldn’t try and keep talking in any of them. He had no response when he got silence to his last words, and pushing a matter over and over would probably not change anything. He could talk a lot when prompted in some way, but going out of his way to yap all the time whether he had a reason to or not was not his style. In case the other would expect him to pull the convo along by himself each time, then he would find out that such was not about to happen. Not unless he really felt the need to state something after everything died down. Which, he honestly did not. He didn’t get baited easily by glares and pissy looks alone, and saw next to no reason to respond to those when they weren’t accompanied by something else as well.

And well, he definitely had more patience for silence anyway. At least when compared to having to withstand continuous blow outs. Because he could easily become unpleasant when someone didn’t know how to stop harping at him, while silence didn’t give any specific reasons for him to retaliate. Unless it descended too deep into obvious ignorance, at which point he would probably opt to act in some way, of course. But with how much he was already speaking, he was fine enough with an occasional break or two here and there. For as long as he did get a sensible response in a reasonable amount of time.

That in mind, he would keep his previous stance for now as he listened to what was said. His expression would eventually change into a mild frown though. It wasn’t directed at anything in particular however, as he seemed to simply be thinking about something for a while. Not for extremely long though, as he would move one of his hands to scratch the back of his head after a few moments. ‘’Maybe it’d do you better to keep an open mind? If you push away even those who mean it, then you will always be left with only the bad experiences you’ve already had to think about. That won’t help you believe that the good ones in fact exist. Just so you know though, I never cared about such. I don’t want forced favors out of people. They don’t mean anything to me. If I manipulate someone to give me something, it means they aren’t doing it solely because they want to. That makes it lose value in my opinion. It means little to me unless it’s done genuinely, therefore I see no need to play people that way. Besides, no offense to you, but I don’t think there’s anything I could really want from you? I can do things like hanging out and drinking even by myself, and I haven’t been given a reason to think that you have something specific I could benefit from. The only things I’d truly wish for from others are ones I cannot get with the method you speak of anyway…’’ For real though, what could he want from the guy? He knew little about the blonde in general, so there was literally nothing he could focus on there. And the more mundane things, he could simply do himself. In fact, he would prefer to do what he could on his own, because that guarantees he won’t have someone else randomly screw it up for him. Regardless, he was no puppeteer in general, and even less so for reasons like these. He didn’t even like it when people felt like they owed him. That’s not why he did things for others when he happened to go that way. Most of the time, at least.

Not that it was the biggest problem at the moment anyway. He would shake his head slightly. ‘’Why do you seek to underestimate yourself so much? Everyone makes mistakes and screws up, regardless of who they are. It’s not like anyone is perfect, so why assume you’re the one who sucks way too much? I get bad rap all the time. People love to claim I’m arrogant or that I don’t give a fuck about them before they even get to know me for real. If I were to have an existential crisis over how much of a shit I can be or come across at times, I would probably be dead ten times over at this point. I don’t need to care about what every random person thinks of me, for as long as I’m willing to believe in myself. They generally don’t know me enough to pass valid judgement over what I do. So, what is it that makes you so certain you aren’t worth anything? Every person has their own value, regardless of whether others are willing to see it or not.’’ Yes, a lot of people are dicks and will happily make you feel like you’re a failure if you don’t hold up to their expectations. But does that define you? Not unless you let it. They can go fuck themselves? Everyone has their bad moments, but that doesn’t make them trash. Unless they really are a screwed up person due to their actions. But people who commit murder, rape, steal etc. more often than not don’t even care about that stuff. If you happen to be a psychopath…well, that sucks? That’s a whole another matter though….
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:22 pm

Gods and not gods. Lies and truths. What someone chooses to believe in and what some choose to not believe in. All these pathways were possible when it came to humans, the creatures that God created to have free will and the ability to choose. With so many pathways it was no surprise that two opposite would cross paths and in turn perhaps buttheads due to differences. It was bound to happen that struggle that came with trying to understand or interact with someone who was vastly different than yourself. However, despite those struggles what mattered in the end was whether or not that opposite could accept the fact you were different and accept your path with respect. He wondered...would the other respect his path if he were to go into this conversation any deeper? Would he accept or would he simply continue to counter and find ways to poke holes in his beliefs that could not be proven? He was tempted to ask in that silence, but instead he would only watch the other for a few moments with eyes narrowed with thought. Then blinking that expression would become neutral as he saw the shrug and simply let his eyes focus on the crowds around him for a bit. Maybe that was best examined or tested when he was sober.

There would be a calm between them for now, but in time that calm would break leaving in its wake a road that Rika never thought he would be walking down with a stranger. It was a dark road that no one should have to walk let alone observe, yet somehow he had ended up in alley surrounded by trash with another actually talking to him despite his emotional and mental state being in no condition to contend with another at the moment. At first he felt offended by the whole thing. This guy watching him from up there with a calm state of mind. He envied the guy his calmness and stability….and while at first it did make him bitter and caused him to snap…. Inwardly, he knew he was wrong -so very, very wrong. As the realization settled in with time, that envy and bitterness turned to despair and self-hate. The cycle continued on and on eternally keeping him quiet until the other had actually finished what he was saying.

...And when the time came for the other to stop speaking and for him to actually make a move? Well he took his chances as uncomfortable as it was. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Or even if he would walk away from this any better than he was now, but even so he allowed himself to be vulnerable… and so now he had to deal with what was given back. Despite the early glares and snarls, Rika’s behavior now leaned towards the meek and frightened. If he was a whole he might’ve been able to put up a better front. Hold his ground better and not end up like this….a broken mess. Heh...ironic...Even his physical predicament and issues reflected just how much of a messed up piece of trash he was.

That wandering thought aside though, the blonde would remain holding his knees close to him, trembling after he had spoken. He couldn’t believe he had actually done that and was now terrified of what the other would say or even thought about him at this point. He didn’t know why this was the case….why he worried and felt like he was about to drown for doing something he probably should’ve done a long time ago, but that was just how he felt as he forced himself to look up at the taller man to try and at least see the reaction (if any) that was being given.

He would see the frown and almost immediately look away as he winced uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure what that frown was for, so it took all his willpower to keep all the negative thoughts at bay from an action that probably had nothing to do with him. He would fight with himself quietly showing only his moodiness on the outside that did not even begin to touch what was truly going inside him at the moment. When the other spoke, the blonde would glance up at him with a drained expression as he absorbed the words and then closing his eyes for a bit, he would stay quiet. Had he decided to not to respond anymore? To try to just sleep it off or ignore the problem at hand? No he wasn’t doing that, even if it did take him a good while to actually reopen his eyes and respond back.

When he did finally respond, his words remained soft and drained as he kept his eyes on anything except the man above him.

“Perhaps...yar right ‘bout ta opened minded ting…” he would begin his eyebrows furrowing a bit as he thought. Here was another ironic point. He was actually a people person, but his whole life style had had been designed to drive people away as he sealed his heart from the world. He was trained to kill, but not feel. Taught to act confident and be bold, when in reality he wasn’t anything like the show he put on...And in the end when he couldn’t pretend anymore, he was left to face the broken thing he was.
You know what the most frustrating thing about it was? Some part of him was telling him that he wasn’t always like this. Not always broken mentally or physically. Not always someone’s tool and toy...and yet no matter how much he dug in his mind he could not recall why that was so. Couldn’t recall anything outside of the life he had been living up until now. The splitting and all this mess…. He didn’t get any of it and pondering it as he was now only made his head hurt even more causing him to close his eyes as he leaned his head against his legs with a sigh his mind swimming as it went from one thing to another. He was confused no matter which way he turned, but he knew one thing for sure: He didn’t want to be alone and fight this thing alone anymore. He genuinely wanted to open up to someone and not be afraid to be vulnerable. He wanted to end this misery and be free of whatever the hell it was that had been slowly getting worse and killing him over time. Whatever made him this closed off, whimpering thing that was pathetic and useless to the world. He wanted the cycle to end….just end.

Maybe down the road….someone had been trying to help him...but he drove them off because they couldn’t handle his negativity. Or maybe they didn’t have time for trash like him. He wasn’t sure anymore...and the more he tried to untangle himself from the hellish web, the tighter it became. He struggled for a bit with himself becoming quiet for such a long period of time it would seem he had all, but forgotten the rest of what the other had said, but he hadn’t. He heard what the guy said and once he composed himself enough to speak again he would move his head to side a bit so at least he could be heard despite keeping his head pressed against his knees.

“Meaningless unlezs genuine...Ten we suppose...ourb trade of information iz meaningless ta ya... since ya got what you got because you gave us something seemingly uncomfortable to you...” He would trail unable to go further for the moment. He had tried to keep his voice calm and neutral, but if one listened carefully his voice did crack a bit and sounded rather strained as he fought with the turmoil of emotions within. Yes it was true he did feel obligated to give information due to what happened, but at the same time it wasn’t just any old information he had given either. What he gave was quite personal and honestly it wasn’t something he shared under normal circumstances; however, these circumstances were not normal….and him opening up to the guy before him….went beyond just obligations. It was almost like a cry for help, but he wondered if the guy even got that message and if not maybe he had made a mistake sharing what he did with him. Unlike the other, Rika didn’t see this as meaningless just because it had been prompted by the desire to trade something of equal value. This situation wasn’t meaningless to him…but would the guy above him understand that despite their differences. Would he even care anymore…?

As for that last part, that wasn’t the best thing to ask or say to someone in his state of mind. In fact, it was one of thethings that actually made this sort of condition worse and more solid.,,,because it gave negativity within a spot to smirk at him and say it was right….and that did more damage than one could image.

Even so, he wouldn’t cry as he let out a faint scoff and a weak smile crossed his lips.
“It’s no surprise. Trash doesn’t have anything of value in it or anything you can benefit from. No surprise you wouldn’t find what you were searching for here….and maybe even at all. Valueless is valueless.”

He said in a fashion that on the surface seemed light hearted, but that light heartedness was shallow holding a lot of hurt under it as some negative thoughts within him only became more solid. He was indeed valueless...and why was that one may ask? Well the guy above him certainly dove right into that territory didn’t he? Unlike before the blonde didn’t hesitate as long to answer as he sat up and leaned back against the wall, his golden eyes looking up at the other as he kept the smile devoid of warmth or play on his face.

“Underestimate? Value? Ya really think tat appliez to somefink like uz?”’ he would begin and then blinking his head would roll a bit towards the left. “Ya say ya get a lot of flack for ta way yar iz...ya tell uz it dun matter what utters say...tat ya are ya and believe in yarself….Ya stand strong alone, buh...we are very much worthless and valueless on tat end. We arb valued and worth somefink only when we camb used ta do somefink...and succeed at it. Once we fail or break...we arb nuffin. Juss tis,” he would move his hands and gesture towards himself. “Somefink….tat is broken and doesn’t have value...cause it has no use….Tat is why we are trash...and better tossed tan saved ta bring more displeasure…”

As he spoke his words remained soft as his eyes lowered to stare at some spot on the wall. The blonde seemed to believe his own words pretty well, but whether that was the story he made up about himself or one he had been actually told so much that he actually believed it was another matter...and maybe even a moot point in end. Regardless it didn’t look like he was pulling out of this state of his. What unfortunate matter for the other.
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Thu Dec 22, 2016 5:39 pm

This whole back and forth, if it could even be called that was becoming unbelievably painful at this point. For several different reasons. Well, not necessarily at first, but he didn’t have anything to really say to that short maybe statement regardless. Unless he wanted to repeat what he already said last time, which would more likely than not end up being moot. Thus, he would pass over that one in silence, which would promptly be followed my more silence. That was nothing new though, and besides, the silences were actually the most peaceful parts of this, were they not? Sort of, at least. Still, he couldn’t really complain for as long as they didn’t end up lasting forever.

What he did want to complain about though, were some of the responses he was getting. His eyes would narrow in mild annoyance once the next words came. ‘’Alright, hold on. You’re not making sense now. The hell are you even on about? I fail to see how me being uncomfortable is in any way related to how genuine anything of this is. Because you effectively just lost me there. I never said anything like that.’’ Those two matters were completely unrelated? Besides, he had been speaking on the subject of being nice to people and whatnot only to gain something from them. This current situation wasn’t even truly applicable. He didn’t seek to gain anything from the other, thus the whole thing about meaning wasn’t exactly relevant. That, and he wasn’t going to apply said system to literally every exchange he had with people. It was really just his general view on the situations when things could potentially head that route.

And while he took that one pretty well still, what came after that was seriously beginning to tick him off at this point. He was not speaking just to have his words turned into all sorts of ugly stuff for no valid reason. The corner of his lips would twitch. ‘’One, you don’t even know what the fuck is it that I would be searching for to claim you can’t possibly have it. Two, I don’t know whether you have your ears clogged by something right now, but I was speaking about people in general and about levels of involvement with them determining whether they can give me what I truly want. Not you specifically. I would honestly appreciate you kindly bite your tongue to clear your mind before you go putting words in my mouth just so you can have something to justify calling yourself trash. I’m not falling for that kind of reasoning. I know what I said and what I didn’t.’’ This was frankly starting to cross the line. He was trying to be sort of nice allright, but if this was how the blonde wanted to play, he was very capable of baring his fangs and shutting down the nonsense. He wasn’t going to let the other twist his words however he wanted to, just because he needed something that would better suit his claims.

He was perfectly fine going this way too. Letting himself be pushed around was not on his agenda, not matter how much were he to feel like being nice to someone. There are limits to everything. Speaking of limits, to the last claims, he would only manage a snort as he rolled his eyes at the blonde. Please. Enough of this madness.

‘’No offense to you, but this is literally the biggest load of bullshit I have heard in my entire life. And I’ve heard a lot of things already. Tell me this. Are you a person or not? Because if you are, then you definitely cannot be some item that only has value when it is of use. Unless you want to tell me that you are just a material thing instead of a living being. No living being is there simply to be used by others. We live for ourselves, and there is very little need for others to have to validate our existence. Most people live for their own sake, so why couldn’t you? You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone, seeing as no one owns you. Who says you have to do shit for others to be someone? I would like to meet the one who creates such bullshit rules. Is this really what you want? To be some slave and value yourself based on what others can do with you? I’m pretty sure you don’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be despairing over the matter. So why the actual fuck do you believe something like that?’’
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Sun Dec 25, 2016 6:29 pm

Well, one topic would die down in a more or less peaceful fashion. It seemed that neither male wanted to go further into the topic of what to believe and what not to believe even if the reasons for being silent were different for each. The calm that settled between them would be a nice break, but when they did get talking again...well calm was far from what was achieved.

While Rika heard what was being said and perhaps even understood what the guy was driving at, this did not change the fact that he could not pick himself up or keep his mind from turning what was there into an attack. While he certainly wasn’t doing this to be babied or pitied, a softer approach might’ve talked him out of the depression. Walked him into another lie that could hold him over for a short time...keep the monster at bay; however, the man above him was anything, but soft or gentle. Instead he remained firm in his stance and in turn began to display anger at the blonde's behavior.

The words he got back to his last remarks would make blonde instinctively flinch. The other wasn’t taking to well to this...and to be honest he wasn’t surprised there. He would be quite peeved himself if placed on the other end. Anyone would and yet he couldn’t stop himself from being negative. Instead, the remarks made the thoughts go even darker. Still holding himself pretty tightly, the blonde would give a small response.

“‘Cause it waz a trade….what we said iz fake to ya...tat is what we were speakin’ uhf...” It was a low response. A response without any fight to back up it. It was just a depressed drained response that would probably not make the situation any better as he remained sunk in the hell hole his mind created, so deeply he could not see the truth of the matter or any light in it. It was a sad case for sure, but it was a thing at the moment that only seemed to go further down the hill as he continued to listen and take note the other was actually getting mad at this point.

He would hear the words spoken and literally bite his lip hard enough to almost make it bleed. He was getting himself into trouble and yet had no way of saving himself from it and no one to save him from facing the consequences of what he was doing. It was downright frustrating, but he didn’t know any other way to respond back to this outside of shying away or trying to hold it in….all of which failed now since he was cornered and too drained to move from his spot to even attempt to escape. He had no choice, but face the monster he kept locked up all this time head on….

So he would take the first snap in silence, the only sign he had heard what was said was the fact that he pulled himself into even a smaller ball as he kept his eyes away from the other. He was scared and pretty much having an anxiety attack at the moment, shown in the way he trembled and also had irregular breathing. He wanted to just scream and lash out at the other, chase him away, but for whatever reason the words did not come and his body refused to move from the spot. It was a hell he tried to keep in, but as time went on the battle wore him down to the point where his expression would become blank and hard to read and his voice dry and monotone. When the other came at him with his words, the blonde remained focusing on the spot on the wall rather than the other as he gave an automatic response back.

“We wereb a creature created in uh lab, desigzed wiff only one purpose. Ta kill….we’be only known masters and cages. If we obey we are safe...if we disobey...there is pain. We habe no utter use outside uhf killin;…...Never habe….We are simply a tool...that haz slowly becomb more and more broken over timb….We habe no value if we are of no use….There is no other way in the matter…”

A small light would revealed a bit about the way Rika had been raised. The creature had always been in cages or locked rooms. He was rewarded when he did something right and punished badly when he messed up. He was always watched and observed. Trained from birth to jump through hoops and obey. There was one part of his life where he remembered actually believing he could be free. A place of true happiness and hope, but the moment the one that gave him that hope became too ill to keep him and handed him over to Mother that hope had been thoroughly snuffed out in another fashion. While there was no lock and key or bars holding him back, he had been trained to stay and obey his master. If he didn’t he honestly didn’t know what he would do or how to do it. The idea of trying, taking a leap of faith and doing something on his own never crossed his mind, so he remained a prisoner to conditioning and his depression….He honestly saw no other way out of this outside of death, but how the other would take this...That was another matter.
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Sun Dec 25, 2016 7:27 pm

What? He had just said it would be nice for the other to actually say something relevant in return. Nothing more, nothing less. That is not exactly a big trade that requires specifications and whatnot to go with it. Even then, the point remained the same. What did the blonde know of how he took the words? Genuine, fake, whatever...all empty assumptions since he himself never said what he thought of this particular situation exactly. He would raise an eyebrow. ‘’That’s the same damn thing as what you tried to say before. I never said what I think of your words, so why do you keep assuming I see them as fake? How am I supposed to talk about anything with you when all you do is twist my words into something bad?’’ The guy hasn’t even seen what bad would really look like if he decided to be that way….

Though, that didn’t mean he would just stop. He was no cute teddy bear, regardless of what he was trying to accomplish. And this guy wasn’t making it easier in any way or form with his behavior. There was nothing to do though. It wasn’t his place to fruitlessly pat the guy on the back, and it’s not like the blonde would die from being scared. If he did…well, that would be a new level of pathetic, wouldn’t it? In which case, it would probably be for the better anyway. If you can’t stand your current life, but can’t stand doing anything about it either, then maybe you would really do yourself a favor by dying. Not that he was trying to be cruel, but if you’re too much of a scaredy cat to even attempt helping yourself/thinking in a different way, what can you expect of life? It’s not going to clear the path for you on its own. There is always something to do. Have issues? You can seek out professional help then, instead of weeping in despair about how you suck. But if you can’t even make that step, which is arguably simpler than trying on your own, then what? Might as well end it? While he didn’t agree with choosing death as one of the first options, he’d say that it still is an option. Many times, friends and family or even a person one doesn’t know that well can help said depressed person, but if the one in question refuses to both fight for themselves, and accept/seek help normally, the they are kind of rejecting all of their options outside of dying. A sad choice, but their own after all.

He would go back to crossing his arms over his chest as he stared down at the blonde.

‘’So? I would beg to differ. The only reason why there is no other way is because you don’t let yourself see one. Instead of searching for an answer, you curl up in a ball and sniffle like a baby. What are you even so scared of? You say you were made to kill, and I assume you’ve done such before…which means you aren’t weak. What would those masters you speak of be able to do to you if you made up your mind and turned on them instead? It’s not like you’re in a cage now, so what’s stopping you from taking action? There’s always a way if one wants it strongly enough. I’m guessing you don’t really? Seeing as you’re so willingly holding onto the belief that you can’t do shit, even though you have no definite proof whether you can or cannot. You yourself told me a while ago that some things don’t need proof to exist, to have people believe in them. How is this different? Why can’t you just show a finger to those who think they can control you and make your own reality?’’
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Mon Dec 26, 2016 5:26 am

“....” He didn’t say anything at first as he frowned a bit at the words heard. The other had a point. He hadn’t said what he thought on the words at all, but would that have made a difference? Maybe. At least it would shut down any negative thoughts that sought to twist everything touched into what it was not….Even so...was it completely the situations fault that this occurred? Or was it just Rika? At this point he couldn’t tell anymore and so a bit lost in general he would shake his head. “We hearb ta wordz...but in mah head they twiz….twiz and turns into somefink else...…..somefink unpleasant….” He honestly couldn’t see any better out come from the situation accept all negative, but why he believed this would occur so strongly without any proof or giving other options a chance? Was it really just a state of mind that did this? Or did he expect negative results due to the fact that is what he got most of the time when he messed up? Was this his way of unconsciously punishing himself because of an error he created earlier? And errors he continued to do now? Had the conditioning sunk in that deeply? It was possible due to his difficult behavior and the way he didn’t seem to see a bright light in a situation that wasn’t really that bad.

Regardless of being a little lost there, it did seem like the question had at least stopped the negative cycle a bit and got him to actually focus on something else for moment. So maybe this was a sign that Sharaku was actually getting through the veil of negativity and he was finally hearing things. It was hard to say considering the blonde remained quite shelled up and scared down below.  

He would remain like this during the silence that came between them. During that moment he would have his panic attack and contemplate how useless he was and how he wanted to disappear. On one hand the idea was appealing and seemed like the only real option in this vicious cycle, but on the other the question remained: is that what he really wanted? Did he want to wallow so far in misery that he could do nothing for himself and in the end wipe himself out? Did he really want that? Did he? He tried to answer the question, but could find no answer. Just like he could find no hand in to save him from the conflicting emotions within. The emotions that made him want run, or lash out...and yet told him to stay and be strong. Told him not to push the one person around at the moment that was trying help him. The whole affair made him a mess...and in turn a challenge to deal with.

Regardless of the mess created, the man above did not leave and the blonde did not flee leaving them at an odd sort of cross road for the moment as the tense silence would remain. When the other did speak, it would take a moment, but slowly Rika would look from the spot on the wall to the one above. At first the look was blank as the blonde remained quiet, but then the look would change as the blonde’s eyebrows furrowed with a mixture of things. He was hurting still alright, but what the other had asked him put a halt to the cycle due to the fact it made him stop and actually see the situation for what it was.

“Afraid of?” He would pause and think on that. That was a good question. What was it that he was afraid of? Was it failure? The unknown?...Both? As he pondered the question, the frown would deepened as he wracked his brain for an answer, but in the end didn’t find one that made any sense. He would shake his head after a moment as his eyes returned to the other and narrowed to bring him into focus. “When we tink on it….tere is not much fear wiffin uz….juzz….tons of self doubt. Web never thought ta turn againz our master….never thought to bite back...or make our own reality. We’ve never tried….Web juss hope an’ pray it getz better, but never move tried to move ta accompish what we wanted….The solution iz simple….and yet….so hard….”

It was a true statement that he hated to admit out, but in doing so he seemed to come to a realization about something in his life and in turn began to calm. He was stuck in this circle because he was afraid to leave the familiar. Afraid to fail because he was afraid it would bring him pain. Afraid of the idea of being alone...and lost in the unknown. That was the real reason he could not move, but how did one break a chain that thick? Did one simply take the leap and it snapped? Or was there something more that needed to be done? And if he took the leap would he be okay on his own? So many questions that only had one answer: try. Something so simple and yet so difficult as various things got in his way making him unsure of himself. The matter was confusing and intimidating, but at least now he actually seemed to start thinking a bit more rationally…..and actually seemed to be trying to find his way out of the mess within his head. Maybe a wall was what he needed this whole time. Someone that actually forced him to sit and think about the situation rather than allow him to run or coddle and calm him with words that only made temporary safe rooms to go into. He wasn’t sure on this, but something the man was doing was working because the calm he was finding at the moment was difficult and slow...and yet as he found pieces of it this calm seemed like just what he needed to get his shit back together. It was strange, but the blonde didn’t run from the challenge….even if it was something unfamiliar and uncomfortable to him. No instead, he found himself wanting to walk towards it instead...Wanting to grasp it and finally free himself of the chains around him and actually get better and find himself, true peace, and happiness. He wanted to grasp, but was very unsure of the path ahead. Even so he was taking a small step onto this path….but would he continue to walk forward or chicken out was another matter. Right now though at least he was at the edge of heading towards something potentially better than the present.
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Mon Dec 26, 2016 5:33 pm

Well, that much was a given. By this point, it was obvious enough that the guy was listening more to his own interpretations than trying to hear what was actually said for real. Which was an extremely faulty process in the end? If you imagine everything being bad, it will eventually turn out that way. Refuse to believe anyone around you could mean well, and they will eventually give you what you’re so bent on believing in. Only a completely oblivious person would keep being pleasant while being antagonized all the time. In that sense, you’re only bringing the bad things onto yourself, are you not? And giving yourself extra reasons to expect negative responses, because they will definitely come eventually in that kind of setting. He would shake his head lightly. ‘’That’s a self-defeating process, is it not? Expect bad out of people, and they will eventually start being unpleasant for real, due to how you treat them. You’re only creating a vicious circle that won’t go in your favor by doing that.’’ You’ll never catch a break if you don’t stop yourself from assuming such before you have any proof….

Well, not like he really knew what the blonde was thinking. Still, his opinion on the matter would not change easily. Your thoughts are your own, right? You should be able to control them, no matter how easy or hard it may seem. Having a grip on your own self is the first step to being able to accomplish things in the world around you. Otherwise, you run a high risk of pretty much defeating yourself by your own hands, before you even come to face a real enemy. And that’s not really an accomplishment to be proud of, is it? When you spend so much time doubting yourself, you’re actually setting yourself up for failure that doesn’t need to happen. Everyone is capable of doing great, but not when they sabotage themselves before they can pull off anything. Regardless, the answer to what would be done about that lied on the blonde in the end. He couldn’t really do much outside of saying his view on the matter. Not really.

‘’If things never change, they won’t stop. You do nothing, and they will always think trying to push you around however they want is fair game. I think this is a situation where hoping alone won’t truly get you anywhere. You keep serving them, and they have no reason to think that they should ever do something else than they are doing now. The solution may sound hard, but when you think about it…is it really? What is in fact the worse state in the end…doing nothing and swimming in self-pain forever, or enduring a bit of hardship to get to where you want and can feel good instead? Some things just won’t fall into your hands on their own. Besides, everyone messes up at times. But if you keep doubting yourself from the start, you’re holding yourself back from doing even the things you could do. By refusing to try, you’re actually playing into everyone else’s hands. They get free reign, and don’t have to make any effort to control you..because you literally hand yourself to them, so they can do whatever amuses them.’’ For all they knew, the only reason why these ‘masters’ had any leverage was the fact that the blonde utterly gave up right away, and let them do as they wished. If you always act like an obedient puppy, they will only take advantage of that more and more as time goes. Because they can see that you have no real fight in you, and won’t do anything against them, regardless of what they ask of you.
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Tue Dec 27, 2016 5:18 am

“Self-defeating….” He would repeat the words softly as he rested his cheek against his knee thinking. Was this really not getting better because of the way he thought? Did he get negativity because that is what he expected and in turn reacted as if it had already come before it really had? He would ponder that for a moment as his trembling began to die a down a bit and his grip loosened a bit around his knees. Was...was it really him in the end? He had heard a saying a long time ago that what you put out into the universe is what you got back, but for it to apply so literally to the situation…? “Perhapz it iz…” he would would say with a light nod, admitting that it probably was true. Even so that didn’t mean he could suddenly change the thought process he had had for years just like that. No that wouldn’t change overnight, but maybe if he tried to think more positively perhaps this whole matter would change, but could he do it on his own? He wasn’t sure and wouldn’t be sure until he tried it.

The idea seemed daunting though. His thoughts pattern came out of years and years of living in it. It made it hard to see just how he could fix himself, but he had to do something. Otherwise, he would probably end up just like this all the time and maybe one day even worse off than now. If he kept spiraling out of control….he would indeed destroy himself. He wanted freedom from this and once more the door was there, open and waiting for him to just make a move. All he had to do is step through and at least try to walk the unfamiliar path beyond. Just try. Speaking on that matter….

The blonde would shift slightly in his spot as he looked up at the other as he spoke on the matter of trying in his own way. To what was heard, the blonde’s eyes would narrow a bit as he sat and shifted through that one a bit. The idea of biting his master seemed bizzare….it was true there was no real love there at the end of the day, but if he bite the one who had raised him he risked losing her for her good and in turn being alone. And if he was alone what then? He would be a lost that is for sure and quite on his own with his issues, but was that really so bad? If he ripped the chain off, pull himself up, and forced himself to walk forward despite the discomfort, would he really be in a worse position that he was now? His eyebrows would furrow a bit as he weighed the pros against the cons. Outside of discomfort, leaving and trying to move forward seemed a better than remaining where he was. Sure there was a high risk of failing, but at least through struggle he might find something better than just staying where he was. He was uncertain, but at least the words seemed to help.

“We arb uncertain wha ta do, buh...we have ta do someting in order for tis to change. Tat iz true,” the blonde would say before pausing as he shifted in his position. He would struggle a bit thanks to being still a bit unstable from drinking, but also from being emotionally drained, but with some work he pulled himself to his feet and dusted off any trash that lingered on him. He would look up at the other, his expression still serious, but at least more relaxed than before. “Ya say...yar bad at comfortin'...yet ya seemed to habe chozen wordz we needed ta hear. Ya sure yar not a pro at tis sort of ting?” He would give a weak grin as he attempted to poke a bit despite the situation; however, the poke was a gentle one suggesting it wasn’t out play, but rather appreciation that he did this. Though whether or not the other could see that or not was left in the air and the blonde at this point was too tired to try and overthink the matter, so he let it be what it was.

He was feeling a bit better, but now the backlash had his body exhausted and feeling like shit. He wanted nothing more than to take a bath and just crash. He should head home to his....No. Not this time. Not home….Anywhere, but there. The little voice within was strong on this point. Something in him told him not to go back there just yet...and for the first time ever, he didn’t try to counter the voice or make some mental excuse as to why he had to go back there. This time around he simply obeyed it.

Staying a quiet for a bit, Rika’s eyes would drift from the man above him to down the alley. He was sleepy and needed to sleep this off; however, he didn’t trust himself to be alone. Sure he was fine now, but he was unsure what might happen when he woke up....

The blonde would sigh a bit as his head lowered and he looked towards the ground. He hated what he was about to do, but he had to do it….

“So like….tis whole ting has gotten uz tired, so we arb gonna go to ta inn to rest...We would like it if ya stayed wiff uz tonight,” the blonde would say and then looking up at the other, he would continue. “Would you do tat for uz?”

An odd question indeed that could be interpreted all wrong; however, the blonde’s tone wasn’t playful and there was no hint in his tired eyes or body language that he was trying to pull something with the oddness. He just felt better with someone else there with him. Even if it was this stranger so to speak. At least said stranger had helped him in a way no one else had done before and while he did feel guilty asking him to continue to put up with him, he much rather a familiar stranger be with him than requesting the same of an unfamiliar stranger or ending up alone. He wasn’t asking him to permanently stick around. He just needed a little support until he could get his footing again, but the question was would the other understand this request? Or would something else happen? Regardless it was out there now...so the blonde did his best not to ponder the matter and simply wait to see what happened from here...
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Tue Dec 27, 2016 6:03 pm

Well, it certainly was in this case. It’s only natural that people would lose their inclination to be hopeful about you if you kept constantly shitting over what they said, and slapping negatives onto it left and right. No one wants to put up with that kind of attitude for too long. Therefore, that saying would for sure apply pretty well when it came to a scenario like this one. ‘’Sure sounds like it to me. If people are trying to be nice, and you refuse to see it, they will eventually lose the drive to give away more goodwill for that price when there is no light at the end of the tunnel to be seen.’’ You can’t do that stuff forever. At a certain point, you will come to admit that it’s not worth it anymore, since you only get bad rap regardless of what you say. And that’s where you either start getting really agitated, or just turn around and leave, none of which are actions that come across as pleasant.

Technicalities aside though, it seemed that the back and forth was finally starting to settle down. And it was honestly just about time. Patient as he could be at times, he wasn’t sure how long would he be able to keep up with it before he really had enough and introduced his fist to the blonde’s face as a pretty much last resort option. A wonder of what would have happened, had the situation gone down that path. Maybe there would have been much more crying and hurt feelings, although at that point, it would be past normal levels one way or another, And who knows, sometimes making sure your point gets across in more extreme ways actually works wonders in making a person realize you’re dead serious with your words. Assuming they don’t decide to just label you as a bully instead. In which case, that would probably really turn out to be the end game. Regardless, none of that happened, so the question may never get answered. Meanwhile, different questions would enter the light of day.

He would tilt his head slightly, just watching at first, though he would make an odd face for a moment when the other poked at him, before just shaking his head slightly. ‘’Considering how it went rather badly the majority of the time, I’m not sure I could claim such a thing.’’ Were he a real pro, it wouldn’t have been that tough to get here, would it? Besides, he didn’t even really want to be. That said, he wasn’t trying to argue the point or anything. He simply gave a response to what was said, and that was that. Who knew what was really going on in his mind in the end.

That said…

‘’You sure you want me around?’’, he would raise an eyebrow in lieu to the odd question that followed. What for, really? The guy could be confusing at times. First leaves to be alone, and not actually wants company instead? What changed all of a sudden? Besides, it’s not like he was the best company ever. To be completely honest, at least. Though, he would shrug lightly eventually. ‘’I don’t really have any plans though, so whatever floats your boat. Just hope you won’t be complaining about your choice later…’’ Mess happened pretty easily with him around, and the situations that kept coming up proved that pretty well.
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Wed Dec 28, 2016 7:59 pm

The blonde would look up at the other with a rather calm expressed despite the exhaustion there. He would take in the words quietly before looking away with a nod. “....We see….” His response was soft as ever, but it wasn’t one to of negativity or hostility. It was just quiet acceptance of the matter as many things in his life began to make sense. The pain and that feeling of being abandoned and alone. In the end, he was a product of his own negative thinking that caused him to unintentionally drive others away...and in turn create his own chains and cages. The realization was a slap to the face that made him feel even more guilty about the way he behaved. He...shouldn’t have gone off on the other like that, or have even let this side of him show and yet if he never had they would’ve never had this conversation and he would’ve never actually face the various problems in his life and see them for what they were. Did this cure things instantly? No. That would take some work, but at least what had passed here gave him the strength needed to try to move forward. Though how successful he would be was another story and something he wouldn’t think about for now. He would contend with himself and getting his shit together when he was calmer. For now he just focused on now.

That aside though, it seemed a silence would come between them once more as the blonde closed his eyes a bit and just focused on breathing and calming down a bit more. He was lucky he supposed. After all, the way he had been behaving could’ve placed him in a spot much worse than this. The other could’ve abandoned him or even attacked. Both would cause him harm in some way, the former tearing apart something deeper while the latter would indeed hurt physically, but mentally maybe it would’ve been beneficial...and perhaps something he deserved if the other had to go that far in the first place to slap him out of depressed city.

Thankfully, the words spoken had broken through and the blonde slowly came out of the dark on his own following that small thread of hope left by logic and this guys presence. If things had gone the other way well...he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to think about the end results to either, so he let it go as he reopened his eyes and after a moment managed to get himself back on his feet.

As he poked at the other, he would take note of the reaction, but at the same time didn’t seem to be bothered by it as his weak smile remained. “Nah?” he would pause as the smile widened just a bit as he swayed in his spot before leveling his eyes with the area around them once more. “Welp...maybe ya juss had ta wrong sort of customerz.” He could see how the guy’s ways could rub folk the wrong way, but in the end if one took a step back and really tried to understand, they would find the guy while complex as hell and frustrating just had a different approach to situations than others. If one understood that, then he wasn’t as bad as he seemed. Though that did not mean he was any less difficult to handle….and it wasn’t until just now the blonde had realized this very fact, but even so the realization helped a bit in dealing with the man.

Speaking of dealing with things, let’s talk about this strange request Rika had just made. One would think that he had had enough of the guy being around him and in fact had originally walked away to be alone. So why was it after all that had happened at the end of the day when he was exhausted and needed rest, he asked the one person he probably should’ve been avoiding to stay with him? Well the answer was simple and complicated all at once, but would be given in response to the other’s inquiry and words as the blonde looked back up at the other.

“We willb admit yar an agitatin' azz,” he would begin with a frown. “Yar stressful and quite frankly web probably would be better off partin’ wayz here. Howeber..." The expression would soften as he gave the other a sheepish smile. “Yar ta good sort of azz. The type that iz sometimez needed in life ta move certain tings and while ya may not tink it….we find yar company kind of soothing. We tink we would juss rest better knowing yar there iz all.” He would give a light shrug at the end not seeming to be ashamed of what all he said. It was the truth. A complicated one, but a truth nonetheless. Despite the strife and struggle, at the end of it all he found himself appreciating the fact the guy was still there and for whatever reason putting up with him.

In fact despite the previous inquiry the guy seemed okay with the idea of staying with him. It was kind of a relief to hear that considering the other could've easily said no and walked off, but he didn't. He stayed....

The tired blonde would chuckle lightly at the words.

“Wellb, we can’t ssee it gettin’ much worst tan tis,” he would say. He honestly couldn’t see anything worse than what had happened happening. Would they get along wonderfully? Maybe not all the time, but perhaps the worse was over now for the day. Maybe they could actually be calm...and not murder each other by lingering in the same room together.

Regardless of the potential of things going wrong, the blonde found himself unconcerned about this as he swayed in his spot and began to move down the alley. As he did this, he would speak.

“Ta inn iz in ta center of town. We aren’t sure if ta roofs can lead ya all the way there though.” The town’s structure was odd in a fashion. Some buildings were close together and others not. While the streets below were more or less straight forward, moving along the roof tops was tricky...unless one could make leaps over great gaps or could fly. Regardless if the other stayed up high or not the blonde would head towards the inner part of town and head towards the inn….
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Thu Dec 29, 2016 2:43 pm

Finally, a little bit of calm seemed to have come about. Well, sort of. Even if that was probably not the best way to call it. He had next to no idea at this point though, so just about anything would work. Regardless, he didn’t really want to think about this anymore, and it’s not like he would come to some better conclusion by doing so either way. He could talk all he wanted to allright, but this wasn’t his battle in the end.

What would remain a battle however, would be these random misunderstandings. Unless he was the one getting what was said wrong this time. But...what customers? He had been talking about how the majority of this current encounter had gone by. Not about other people. Even though it often happened with them as well, yes, but that was not what he had been trying to point at with his words. He had been moreso asking as to why should he be calling himself a pro after how up and down this whole conversation and whatnot was. If he were that great, wouldn’t they have wrapped this up much faster than they had? ‘’Er, I was referring what went down here though…? Can’t say it went all too greatly for the most part. And other people are a completely different chapter.’’ Besides, by saying what he had, wasn’t the blonde basically calling himself a bad customer? Because what had happened here definitely hadn’t been an easy game.

Speaking of easy, nothing ever was, right? ‘’So you’re saying I’m both bad and good at once? I wonder how I even manage to exist.’’ Maybe he needed to try and split himself in half too? Actually on second thought, no, that would not be pretty. Although he had a hard time equating the idea of being an ass and doing good things at the same time. It sounded like a rather odd word choice to him. Don’t you call someone an ass when you’re trying to insult them, rather then otherwise? Unless it is meant to be a joke, that is, but he didn’t think the other was trying to fool around with him considering the situation. A lot of the things the guy said just didn’t go together. How do you find something both stressing and soothing at the same time? Those two are very different states of mind, if not as far as being opposites. Wouldn’t you have to be either one or the other in the end? Or is there actually an emotion that’s a crossbreed between the two? Because at the moment, he couldn’t think of one. Ah well, there was probably no point in trying to make full sense of the matter though….

‘’Well, that’s an improvement.’’ The one time the other isn’t seeing the worst possible side automatically? Maybe? After all, there is always something worse that could happen. Probably won’t, but could. Even if it was something not completely related to the situation at hand. ‘’Though, I say anything can get worse, but that’s just theory.’’, he would shrug slightly. Not like he was spending much time being bothered over such though. It is what it is. Whatever happens, happens. This wasn’t a situation that could be steered perfectly.

More importantly however…

He would frown slightly, scanning his surroundings in thought. Well….’’I’ll find a way. I think I like the fresh air up here more.’’ He would have to get inside a building soon enough, so might as well make use of as much as was possible until then. It’s not like he was extremely worried. As long as there wasn’t a place that was literally impossible to cross over, he’s be fine. And if there was? Well, he could always get down on the ground mid-way after all. No big deal, right…?
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Sat Dec 31, 2016 11:31 am

The man had done his part by speaking with the blonde and calming him. It was true he did still feel like shit and was uncertain of many things, but at least the conversation had gotten him thinking about things he hadn’t considered before and had been enough of a shove to at least help him see a bit clearer what path he needed to take to pick himself up again. Though the path to true healing that rested before him was shrouded in fog and the unknown. It was a scary path, but a path one had to travel alone to find what may lay in that mysterious fog... Facing whatever demons rested there alone. Sure others could support you and give you advice, but in the end success rested on one traveling the path. No one else could gain it for the traveler. No one. And to be honest the blonde didn’t expect the man to do anything more than what he had done. He was just grateful that he had somehow led him out of the dark pit in his own way. Sure where the blonde was left was uncomfortable, but perhaps being uncomfortable was where he needed to be to see clearly and for the first time in his life actually act to help himself.

He had been trained to kill and obey…..but also to depend on another. Depend on a master even if it was unhealthy for him and barred him in a way he did not notice until this fall out had happened. It was an unsettling fact to face, but...it was a truth he needed to address head on if he were to ever change from this. Healing would probably be a bumpy road, but perhaps that was alright. Maybe he would be someone better for it.

Mental battles laid to rest for the moment a calm would indeed come between the two as a small window of silence feel between the two. This silence was only broken by the minor chat of comforting and how the other was not as bad as he seemed to be in that department. Sure his way was rough and far from pampering, but used on the right sort of person and the method was effective enough. Would it always work? No, but for the time being it had done its job. Though it would still seem that even if success was found in one area, in other areas they would fail.

Rika would give a light chuckle as he shook his head a bit at what he heard. They just couldn't stay on the same page at times could they? It was amusing, but that amusement only last for a short while before he was settling into seriousness again. “Wellb it was sorta ruff ‘ere tere, buh….web survibed somehow…” The whole conversation had been ups and downs, but somehow they had gone through the worse and was still somehow talking to each other at the end of it all. Now whether or not this meant anything in the long run or they just happened to be tolerant of each other for now was another thing. Either way, the blonde was glad that this one hadn’t been driven away. That despite having to deal with his uglier side the guy had stayed in the end.

He was drained, but for the most part he pretty chilled despite the exhaustion. As heard the other words, he would shrug lightly at that one. “Ya arb what ya are. We tink we all are good and bad in our own wayz...juss some are more insufferable tan utters.”

Living things could indeed be contradictions and somehow exist. He couldn’t explain why that was, but it just occurred. Just like sometimes words that shouldn’t be used together ended up next to each other. Yes, he had called the other an ass, but it wasn’t to insult him or poke fun of him at all. He was using the word as a way to describe how his behavior could came off, but despite that under it all he was not such a bad guy. He was still doing something good despite seeming to be an ass on the surface. He honestly had no better way to describe the situation. Just like he didn’t have an answer as to why such contradiction could indeed exist, but maybe there didn’t need to be an answer to it in the end.

That matter aside, peace would continue to linger as the other seemed to approve of the blonde’s words on the matter not getting any worse... though what the other said next kind of counter-acted the approval. “Heh. Well that is true, buh I dun wanna think too hard on those theoriez,” Rika would say as he began to move down the alley a bit unsteadily.

Things could indeed get worse, but instead of talking about those theories and in turn giving a scenario a chance to become a reality the blonde choose to keep his mind free of those thoughts as he continued to move forward.

“Suite yarself,” the blonde would say in response to the other’s choice to stay on the rooftops. He supposed that was alright as long as the guy didn’t fall off those uneven surfaces. Still he had to wonder just how far he would get before he had to come down. The rooftops could be tightly packed one moment and then the next have nice size gaps that even one trained could barely make. It didn’t make sense to stay up there for long, but if the man wanted to do that, well then he suppose he couldn’t complain or tell him otherwise. Either way, the blonde would stay on the ground keeping quiet as he moved towards the center of town, his eyes mainly focused ahead, but occasionally drifting upward just to be sure Sharaku hadn’t slipped up or something up there….
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Sat Dec 31, 2016 4:17 pm

‘’…………..’’

Well, he was running out of things to say for real at this point. Frankly, he could speak a lot when he had a good reason to be doing so, but when the situation was flipped the other way, it wasn’t as easy as that anymore. What could he even say? The only things that came to his mind would probably come off as rather cryptic or cynical, and the mood didn’t really need that right now, did it? At least, he wasn’t clueless enough to think it would. Guess now was a good time to just shut it? Ironically enough, this was probably worse for communication than what happened before. Because back then there was at least a reason to keep talking and having a discussion. Now though? It was kind of starting to turn into a void where nothing more seemed useful to voice out. And maybe it was just a feeling for all he knew, but that didn’t change the fact that he had zero idea on what to respond with, without killing the talk one way or another. Which silence did as well, of course, but at least it was in a less invasive way…? Maybe…?

Well, he would always stare ahead blankly instead. It was not a solution, but it was something to do? He was listening though, if nothing else. Who knew what would come out of that, or what the other would think about the quietness, but it was likely the better choice of action for him right now. Talking as much as he had up until now had actually been pretty tiring for his standards, and he found it better to say nothing when the idea of the opposite didn’t appear meaningful enough.

He would open his mouth a bit eventually though, when they reached the theory remarks. ‘’I think about whatever comes to mind. Seems pretty simple that way…’’ Well, that operated under the fact that his mind typically did not come up with things that were utter garbage. Maybe the invisible filter was working? Or whatever would one want to call it. Still, it wasn’t often that he had completely brainless things bouncing around his skull. And when he did, it was likely not a good day. In more ways that one.

‘’I will.’’

Well, what else was he to do with that suggestion anyway? He would suit himself alright, that was the best thing to do after all. That said, he wasn’t too bothered by the layout of the roofs, although he did take a few passing moments to wonder just what kind of architect came up with those. It did appear a little odd, but in the end it was nothing he couldn’t deal with. Some exercise couldn’t hurt, right? The other didn’t need to be too worried, as he knew what he was doing for the most part. And if he needed to jump, then he would do so. After all, it’s not like the blonde was running down there, right? Therefore, he had enough time to make the right moves while still keeping up with the other. And hey, maybe it made for a good show too?
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:52 am

It was interesting how quickly conversation faded into silence once a calm of a sort had been reached. The taller man on the roof made no comment to the words he heard and so the blonde was left alone with his thoughts as he moved along the narrow alley. There wasn’t really much going on inside his head, the blonde having exhausted most of his energy in the battle that had happened before. Now all he thought of was rest and how it would be a bit rough in the morning thanks to this mental battle and of course being slightly drunk. He was gonna feel the aches of battle and the dull throb of headaches, but at least the worse would have passed over during the night. The sickness and disorientation...only lingering bits of that should remain, but the blonde knew he could handle that. So despite it all, he was looking forward to rest and trying again in the morning.

As for the company that he may or may not wake up around...well, the man did indeed have a way of getting to him; however, despite the struggle in the end the man had taken the heavier end of the stick and handled what was tossed at him rather well...and still was willing to stick with him at the end of it all. Whether the guy was simply helping him out or did it because he had nothing else planned the blonde had not a clue, but in the end he was grateful of the other regardless of why he did what he did. At any point, the guy could’ve said fuck it and left him on his own to sink into whatever hell he was headed towards, but he hadn’t instead choose to fight and stand firm.

It made the blonde wonder how the man could do that. He was sure he had his own problems and maybe some worse than his own, so how was it that he was able to weather through his ugliest and still be willing to stay with him overnight? It was indeed a mystery, but maybe he shouldn’t try and figure it out and just let it be what it was. It was okay to do that right?

He would shake his head mentally at that one as he continued to walk, listening to the area around him and the movement of the other on the roof above. When he heard the comment about thinking, the blonde would hum lightly. “Maybe it iz simpler tat way; howeber, for us it iz eazier not ta tink at timez and simply rest,” he would responded back in calm tones as the path ahead him widened as the alley came to an end.

Blinking sleepy, he would pause a bit at the end to look around town to reorient himself and then spotting what he wanted, he began to head towards the building at the far end. The blonde had heard the comment from the other about suiting himself and staying on the roofs, but as he moved along the perimeter, he wondered what the man was going to do. While the gaps he may have faced thus far were smallish, the gap between the buildings he was currently on and the next cluster was quite the jump. He supposed with enough speed and good timing a human could barely make it provided they could catch onto the edge in time, but that is if one knew what they were doing. Trying the jump any other way was dangerous and could lead to injury. Though the tall man above seemed to be handling the rooftop well enough, Rika had to wonder what he was going to do about this larger gap. Perhaps out of curiosity or concern, he would actually pause in the middle of the large gap between the two buildings and look up towards where the other was despite his sleepiness. He wasn’t going to jump that was he?
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Sharaku on Sun Jan 01, 2017 4:04 pm

Nothing? Well, alright. He wasn’t going to force any conversation to happen. Although it was a little weird in a sense. Still, probably better than the other options in the end. On the other hand, unlike the other, he was far less bothered at the moment. Nor was he going to be in the future. While the talk had been tiring, it was mostly a mental thing, and that would just pass away after a while. It didn’t affect him in any way physically, and while he did drink as well, it wasn’t nearly as much as the blonde had. He’s had like..one glass total, which wasn’t a big deal. Well, it was a bit at first, but that was because he downed it all pretty past. Which also meant that the effects would go away that much faster as well. He was barely even feeling it at this point, seeing as the cold fresh air helped clear his head quite a lot too. Most likely, he wouldn’t have any noticeable issues in the morning, unless he happened to fall off a bed and hurt himself or such during the night. Better not jinx that though.

‘’How do you not think? I didn’t think that was possible.’’ Well, technically speaking. Of course, sometimes he would claim he wasn’t thinking about anything, but that would be because those thoughts in question weren’t something that would make much sense when translated to words. Still, that falls under thinking as well. You can’t exactly just say nope and walk around with an empty head. And even when you’re sleeping, dreams are thoughts in a way too, so you can’t escape it that way either. Mysteries…?

Moving onto more important mysteries however, what was with these roofs? Most towns had their streets streamlined enough for this to not be a huge problem, but apparently this one wanted to be eccentric and have the buildings strewn around more than necessary. While mildly amusing, it was also a bit of a pain. But what do you do? Once he reached the end of the roof he was currently on, he would stop at the edge for a while, blinking a bit as he at first looked down when he caught the other not moving out of the corner of his eye. Hm? He would raise an eyebrow at his spectator before looking back up to narrow his eyes at the amount of empty space in front of him. Oh joys. Well, every normal person would most likely have called it quits there and went back to the safe ground, but when did he conform to the norm anyway? Besides, he had decided to stay up already, and he was not about to be trolled by some random buildings just because they were a little further away than he would have liked. ‘’I wonder who designed this…?’’, he would ask, a bit of a rhetoric question not really addressed to anyone, before shrugging to himself. Might as well? He would look down at the other once again, not exactly sure why was the guy choosing to watch him. He wasn’t exactly the best entertainment, but sure? He was in a rather whatever goes mood at the moment anyway, so it didn’t bother him nearly as much as it could. In fact, he would actually give the other a peace sign before backtracking away from the edge for a bit.

He wasn’t too worried about not making this, although it was still a pretty annoying distance to cross. He knew what he was doing, and after all, while he was human, he wasn’t exactly normal either so that helped his case a bit more as well. Not that the other knew any of that of course, but did he need to anyway? Seeing the immediate reaction is always the most amusing, so he might as well make use of it. That in mind, having a bit of a head-start to get some speed, he would jump off pretty high, even pulling off a front flip mid-air. As great as that was, he couldn’t exactly jump far enough to land squarely on the other side, but he didn’t plan on doing that anyway. Instead, he would grab onto the edge with his hands, and use the momentum from the jump to push himself forward before he flopped down to hang off of said edge, and do a forward roll onto the roof, stopping in a crouch.

‘’They could make the surfaces less hard….’’
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Re: A Bottle Rum

Post by Rika on Mon Jan 02, 2017 8:04 am

He would drift on in silence since he had nothing more to say at the moment and the man on the roof remained quiet. The blonde didn’t mind the silence as much as he took to enjoying the crisp cold air against his face and exposed skin. It felt kind of nice despite its light bite. It was soothing and helped clear out some of the tension within him still as body took to slowly trying to unwind from the emotional roller coaster that had occurred internally. His head already throbbed, but that is what happened when he bitterly weeped. It was nothing a hot shower couldn’t fix...though if he were going to do that, then he supposed he should’ve brought a change of clothing. Ah well, he could at least clean up somewhat and worry about the rest in the morning. He had no plans of going anywhere except home tomorrow, so no big deal right? Besides, despite sitting next to the dumpster, he didn’t smell too bad. Sure some of the scent lingered on him with the alcohol, but it wasn’t enough to be nauseating lest the other had a sensitive nose or something. He supposed in the end, he’d have to work on getting the dress clean again. It was a pretty one and took a lot of work to create, so he’d hate to have to burn it like he did some of the cheaper ones that just could not be saved in any fashion.

In any case, he would have to contend with that issue when he got there because right now, he still had company and said company had decided to question his statement on thinking. To what he heard, the blonde would let out a soft sigh as a smile cross his lips. “Ya juss zone out or focuz on anyting, buh what is troublin’ ya. Kinda like meditatin’ or findin’ yar peace.” He would respond back easily enough, but wondered what sort of door this was opening. On one hand, his explanation was valid, but if one wanted to get technical and start picking at how the brain never rested, etc, etc, then this could very well turn into a debate upon which one side couldn’t really win due to the fact that the only way you truly cease to stop thinking was to stop living. So yeah...this simple explanation could go many ways, so the blonde would simply wait to see how it would pan out. It could prove entertaining...provided they didn’t clash horribly again.

On the note of entertainment though, the blonde would certainly get a show as the gap between roofs occurred. Now working on logic, unless the man was a daredevil and an acrobat on top of that, he should return to the ground to avoid injury. Now how he got down was gonna be entertaining in its own right, but on the off chance the other did indeed take a chance and jump? Well that would be something wouldn’t it? ...But he seriously wasn’t going to jump that was he?

Slightly concerned, but more curious than anything the blonde would stop and look up to where the other was. He would see him examine the distance and even ask a question to which the blonde would shrug. “Perhapz someone who waz tryin' to challenge ta idea of logic when it came ta town layoutz,” he would respond back before falling silent as he continued to watch the other. He would tilt his head at the peace sign unsure what that was suppose to mean as he saw the guy backing away. Was he going to leave then? Or -- Oh!

Rika would watch as the other did indeed make the leap getting some good height before descending towards the other side. The guy was able to catch the edge of the roof and flip himself to safety. To what had occurred the blonde at first was rather quiet before he was smirking a bit with amusement as he shook his head.

“Man...we are seriously startin’ ta tink yar a cat of some sort under it all,” he would say. The comment was meant to be a harmless joke. To be honest, he wouldn’t be surprised if the guy had some acrobatic training of some sort to get him across the gap like that. Even so that was a pretty impressive leap. If he were to attempt to make the same leap himself, well, he would certainly not be able to get the leverage to do a flip that is for sure. He could probably make it, but getting up on the roof again would be a little less graceful.

Ah well. At least he had gotten some unexpected entertainment that had somewhat helped boost him into a better mood than droopy. It wasn’t a huge change up, but his slouching was less and the light smile on his lips was more genuine than before as he moved forward once more. As he did he would hear the other speaking about the surface being to hard.

“Wellb if they made it any softer ya’d go right into wat iz tis?” He would pause as he moved to examine the building in front of him quickly for a sign and then spotting it continue. “Mmm. Tis lovely lingerie shop. Dun tink tey’d appreciate an unexpected sskylight.” It was true there were some softer materials to make a roof out, but to withstand weather and the potential roof hopper amongst other things? One would need a material that was a bit more sturdy and less giving if they didn’t want to constantly repair the roofs due to things coming through or damaging them.

That amusing event aside though, the blonde would move past the store and continue along until they finally arrived at the entrance to the inn. Giving a brief look upward, the blonde would see if the other would come down before shifting his weight and going towards the door. If the other was on the ground, he’d open the door for him and let him go in first. If not then, he would slip in and after blinking a bit to get used to the lighting he would drift towards the counter where a sleepy looking young man sat playing on his phone...
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Re: A Bottle Rum

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