When Midnight Jokes Become Real

While it was true words were nice, they were not needed at all times. The demon could deal with silences as long as they weren’t harming anything or came about due to less than pleasant things. He wouldn’t say anything when the other held his tongue a bit distracted at that point by the rubbing that was occurring as the other moved his hand back to his chest.

“Mmm,” it was a faint hum that could be heard under the soft purr that came from him. When the other paused and pulled back, red eyes which had been closed at that point opened slightly, but before he could think of actually looking at the other the guy’s hands were moving to his sides. Unlike the other the demon was not ticklish in this particular spot, so when he grabbed him and tugged upward the demon did not resist. He would let his body go with the flow of the pull just adapting his body and positioning so that one he could keep himself supported and not smoosh the other under him, but also to not end up hurting the guy by placing his hands in a spot they shouldn’t be. He wasn’t quite sure what the other was doing, but he didn’t overthink it either as he remained over the other his chest now more the guy’s face. The positioning sure made it hard to determine what the other was going to do and made it even difficult to look downward to see what was happening. Uncomfortable? Not really. He just trusted the other at this point and thought nothing of it.

Well whatever happened there, he’d let happen before moving in closer to the other and speaking with him. “No I suppose not, but perhaps it was waiting for this moment to be brought up,” he said back softly. Yeah. the first time around was always the most awkward. Trying to figure it out and get over certain fears or nerves. It took a while to get into a rhythm and sync up with the partner. It took time and practice, but Rika did not mind. He much rather find the right path versus trying to force something that was a no. By waiting the end results would be that much more rewarding...or at least he thought so, but then again he kind of like to work for things he saw worthwhile.

That aside it seemed that the conversation would move to a bit more unexpected territory at least for the other it would seem. The other would allow him to kiss him and not protest against that before he spoke on the odd topic at hand. “Mmm. I would have to agree with that and no. I didn’t want to do it right now. I was just curious of preference is all. If you were one to be no on the front of letting another undress you, I would kind like to know, so there are no surprise and at least know a bit about how to act in those situations.” Sure he couldn’t control any variables fully, but knowing a little about what the other didn’t want always made it easier to adapt in the end and not break the flow with errors like that that can be avoided with just a question or so.

Regardless of where that went, the demon would eventually shift a bit so he could actually lay down upon the other, he’d turn his head a bit so he could rest his head against the other’s shoulder easier as the other seemed to close his eyes and lean back against the sofa. Nestling himself against the other, he would use one hand to rub the other’s chest before settling his hand at the guy’s waist so they were in a hug of sorts.

“Heh. I dunno. Maybe it was when I fell out of bed earlier today,” he would say as he tilted his head back a bit to look up at the other with a smile.

Oh, it worked. Good, because he’d rather do it this way than asking the guy to move out loud. That would most likely prompt the other to question his motives, and as great as that was, his mind was not very interested in holding a conversation at that moment. Though if the guy really wanted to say something, he wouldn’t ignore, but still. Regardless, what was he up to indeed? It was actually quite simple. He had just wanted a better reach, since being lined up equally would make certain actions harder than they needed to be. He could definitely use his hands decently well like that, but that would be more or less it. His curiosity was floating elsewhere for the moment however, and this would work better for it. Shifting a little himself, he would move to prop himself up on his elbows, well, one since he was apparently about to use only one arm to hold himself up. It was a little harder like that, but he could hold his weight like that for a while anyway. That said, he would push himself up however much was necessary for him to reach where he wanted to, which seemed to be getting his face against the other’s chest. Even though his range of movement was kind of limited, he would do his best there, mapping out a small trail around the middle of the upper half of the guy’s chest with his lips. His free hand would stick to the other’s side for support, albeit a little higher up the body than before. Guess he wanted a taste? Who knew. Although truth to be told, he actually did prefer this type of method over hands both when it came to giving or receiving it. For the most part, at least. Sadly, doing things freely was sort of hard here. There wasn’t enough space on the sofa for them to be more side to side of each other to be able to perform most stuff. This current arrangement kind of meant that the one on top would have trouble using hands, while the one on bottom would have to struggle with the exact opposite issue. It was a little inconvenient, to be honest, for a lot of things.

Regardless of the boat he would land himself into by that unusual (and probably unexpected) move of his, they would eventually move onto small discussions over their predicament. ‘’I don’t know the answer to that anyway….’’ Things come up when they do, so there’s no telling at the end of the day. Nevertheless, they would have to take it as it went, unless they wanted to quit early due to the random shenanigans happening. Which hopefully, was not what was going to happen, since that would be a rather heavy blow for any future attempts.

‘’….I think…that would actually be kind of dumb. I don’t see why would it really matter who does it, aside from maybe because of convenience at a given moment. It’s not like the process or end result is very different based on who pulls on the clothes.’’ He kind of didn’t really understand the woes there. It made little sense to him. If you’re already fine with undressing and letting the other person see you naked, what does it matter who has the honors of making it happen? All that happens is the clothes getting pulled off, and he’d be damned if there was a huge difference depending on whose hands do it. Someone insisting on doing it themselves when it didn’t come naturally and killing the mood that way…well, he would probably just call it pointless nitpicking.

Anyway time for…more, uh, random inconveniences? This right there was one of the reasons small spaces could buff up the awkwardness and difficulty of things at the least expected moments. Well, he probably should have considered this as a possibility, but his mind was completely elsewhere before due to the stress inducers happening a while ago. Plus, he hadn’t thought that the other would just drop himself on him instead of doing anything, seeing as doing stuff was the original course of action. Errrr. Well, at least he was in a more calm state of mind at that point, so he wasn’t going to just flip out over things, as awkward as this technically was. Still….he would stare up at the ceiling for a moment, before coughing to clear his throat slightly. ‘’Um, I’m not sure I’m the best idea for a pillow right now. Well….depending on what you want I guess….’’ Then again, what did he know? Either way, this was kind of a retcon of the lap-sitting moment from way back when this all began. Except for the fact that he couldn’t exactly make joke comments about ‘what if’ this time around. Well….it wasn’t that ‘bad’ yet, seeing as the only way to notice currently would be some nice direct contact, which was exactly what the guy kind of did by flopping onto him. Derp. He could always try to pretend nothing was wrong, but that would only work if the other totally did not notice something was off for whatever reason, or just plain didn’t realize what was going on. He wasn’t that confident in his chances there. Besides, he was a little busy being perplexed at how was this still being a thing right now after all that stressing from earlier. If he had the time for it, he would definitely seriously question what his body was doing. First of all though, he’d have to deal with any reactions coming his way…

The move did indeed work and perhaps what happened once the demon was in position was a surprise. It was hard to tell since the demon kept himself more or less supported shifting only when needed to make it easier for the guy to do whatever he was about to do. The guy would find he didn’t have to move extremely far to get what he was after, the demon more or less remaining semi-low making it easier to reach him without having to full sit up or worry about awkward maneuvering thanks to being too close. And when the other did get to what he was doing? Well, needless to say the demon did react. His body would tremble slightly as if a chill went down his spin, an unintentional thing, but it happened as he felt the other under him doing what he did. Half of his mind was unsure what to make of this. After all, this was a guy doing this and he was doing this stuff to a guy and yet for some reason it felt so right and good. It was kind of panic inducing, but unlike before he did not let his anxiety over uncertainty ruin this as he closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling against his chest as his lips parted slightly. “Mmm. Slightly lower and to your left,” he would find himself muttering as he held onto the sofa, making sure not to fall on the other due to this as he stretched the tiniest bit. His directions were pretty specific and yet not at the same time, the demon wondered if the other would even find what he was directing him too or if he’d miss all together. Well wherever that went, the demon would enjoy the moment while it lasted only coming out of it a bit when the light chatting began.

Light chatting that was slowly dying it seemed, since the first response to his earlier words only received a light shrug from the demon. “Maybe there is no answer,” he would say and leave it pretty much at that. Things did indeed come and go just as the waves at sea did. There was no telling when and where said topics would come up, but when they did run ashore one could examine them then rather than question whether it was meant for now or later. It was one of those odd quirks of life that one just rolled with and a topic that unless there was a reason too Rika wasn’t going to pull it apart to greatly.

Moving from that, the pair would somehow get onto the topic of clothing and undressing. “It is when one thinks of it, but a control freak wouldn’t hesitate to make the argument it wasn’t. Luckily for you, I am not such a creature,” the demon would say with a smirk. He honestly didn’t care either way. If clothing was going to go, they were just going to go whether he did it himself or let someone else do. Still it was always nice to know little tibbits like this so that no snags came up from unknowns later.

Speaking of snags, how did unintentional ones seem to sneak in at the oddest of times? It was true that the demon and guy had been making out in a way, so the issue of touch didn’t seem to be a problem and yet for some odd reason when it seem appropriately to temporarily cuddle with the other, the demon found himself feeling as if maybe that was an error. He couldn’t tell what exactly was happening, but something was telling him that the guy was perhaps not liking this cuddle part?

He wasn’t sure how to read the air around them when he did it and he even became a bit more perplexed when the other cleared his throat and spoke to what was the demon would chuckle softly as he closed his eyes for a moment. “Perhaps I shouldn’t be laying down on the job,” he would say before sitting up slightly as he looked down at the other. “We were in the middle of something weren’t we?” he would say, his eyes narrowing with the smile he gave the other. It was curious really, the demon wasn’t reacting badly to what had happened and didn’t seem like he was going to bring the whole house down due to not being able to get a cuddle, so maybe what happened was fine. Who knew?

All the demon knew was that he’d give the other some time to respond if he wished and then when said time was up, he lean over to make contact with the other’s lips before moving the kiss down to his chin and the middle of his chest where he settled once more to nibbling this time going toward the right breast instead…..

Well, whether he was paying much attention to what was happening or not, he would nevertheless remain silent for the time being. Which was arguably not all that surprising, given his current occupation, as much as he could have pulled away for a while, had he truly wanted to speak. He didn’t feel like he really needed to do so, however. It was much simpler to just not break the moment, and besides, the other could easily make him stop, were something an issue. All the guy would have to do is move out of reach, and he’d have to pause due to that. Arrangements aside however, he wasn’t giving the matter much thought, unlike the other. The idea of how okay it was to be doing stuff with a guy wasn’t one that would bother him, since he didn’t particularly care. Besides, even if he did have doubts for whatever reason, it would likely come around later, seeing as the current situation was pretty simple, and didn’t make the gender differences all that obvious just yet. Either way, it was highly unlikely to happen. In fact, if anything, he’d sooner have a pause in case he was doing this with a woman, which was irrelevant for the time being anyway.

That said, he did seem to register the other’s words, and while it was unknown as to what he was thinking there, it did appear that he was trying to more or less comply. It was a bit more annoying to accomplish, being on the bottom position like that, making it harder to move around freely. He could tilt his neck only so much, which was mostly upwards anyway, and even with the demon stretching around, it was still more beneficial for him to shift as well. He did not want to be stuck in odd positions for too long, because that could easily start getting unpleasant. Well, he tried getting a little lower at least, his hold on the other’s side tightening a bit for a moment. He probably wouldn’t be able to accomplish a while lot though, since the guy was still occupying space between his legs, and that was a roadblock he wouldn’t be getting past anytime soon. Maybe he could squish himself a little bit though? Eh, whatever. He seemingly didn’t have to go too much lower, so he would manage the feat somehow for now, hopefully without earning himself some neck cramps for later. Speaking of which, while he had a decent idea of what the other might have wanted, he didn’t necessarily want to assume either, considering that he hadn’t been given an exact location anyway. Thus, while he would shift towards the direction given, he wouldn’t really try to stick himself to one specific area. For the most part, he’d trace a random pattern around the guy’s lower breast area, occasionally stopping to lick and lightly tug at the other’s nipple. He had only so many options after all. And there were a few ways this could go. Either the guy would let him move freely, let him know where to stay at exactly, or he’d just manage to read that from the reactions seeing as the other seemed to be more forthcoming with those. It shouldn’t be too hard anyway, since he was technically being a bit bolder than the guy had been, not quite minding using his tongue and all, with the exception of actually biting the other, for he didn’t know how well would that go through. Sounded pretty simple, right…?

Nevertheless, wherever that would go, they would come to a small break to talk eventually. Although, said talk would only last so long as well, slowly coming to an end itself. There really wasn’t much to say there, and he wouldn’t even try to do that, letting the matter float away where it would. Until the topic of handling clothes came up, at which he would snort faintly. ‘’Well, I’m not about to start having OCD about it.’’ He sure did like to keep his control alright, but this in particular was a rather asinine matter in his opinion. He’d be more concerned about whether he wanted to strip or not in the first place, rather than who did the job. At that point, what was even there to control anymore? Unless one side is the type to make undressing uncomfortable somehow, it would make very little difference there. Maybe the speed of it could be a factor, but that was again not a huge thing since it would already be agreed that it was happening either way.

Apparently, they weren’t in much of an agreement about what was happening next though. Then again, he kind of wasn’t sure, since the demon’s immediate reactions weren’t much of a telltale. He would lift his head up slightly to glance at the other for a moment, but he could hardly tell much at the moment. Sometimes, he really wished he could read minds or something like that. Ah well. Regardless, he did not have much of an issue with the cuddling itself. Just maybe the timing of that, and the fact that it could make for an awkward situation to lay like that at the given moment. He would probably get restless pretty quick too, since it was kind of abrupt to just switch to absolute chill in the middle of things, and he wasn’t sure whether he could adapt that smoothly, considering things. It sort of depended though, as perhaps a slightly active form of cuddling could work out in some ways. Not that they would be finding out about it however, since Rika apparently decided to just switch focus right away, whatever the reasoning for it was there.

‘’I…guess….’’, he would answer after a moment, his brows slightly furrowed, almost mildly hesitant on what to say there. Well, that was probably not the most appropriate word used, but there certainly were some question marks floating in the air, if nothing else. He felt like it might not be the best idea to start asking things and forcing another distracting conversation though, so he would more or less let things move on their own this time. Maybe they would touch on it later, or the other would decide to pursue the matter. Whatever would happen, he’d deal with it then.

Speaking of dealing with things…he would hum under his breath faintly when the demon moved to do things, letting his head drop back down on the sofa for a while as he closed his eyes. His hands would move to rest on the other’s shoulders at first with a light sigh. Well, for all intents and purposes, this was nice. And he would let the guy do his thing for at least a while, whatever it would end up being eventually. However, as much as he did like it, he was really starting to get a tiny bit restless there. He kind of just wanted to….ugh. He honestly couldn’t curse the lack of moving space enough at some moments. It was just so annoying to be butting head with the limits there, and he sure wasn’t interested in falling off like an idiot, because that would put a different kind of halt to their activities. Though, were the floor not an unpleasant place to roll about on, he would definitely feel inclined to just move over to it for the sake of convenience. Sadly, he would have to deal with the currently available options for the time being. Thoughts aside, he would eventually move to slide his hands down off the other’s shoulders, moving one of them to cup under the demon’s chin slightly in an attempt to make the guy look up at first. ‘’Hey….’’, he would mutter lightly, as he attempted to gently tug the demon back up to the starting point, where they were face to face. What did he want? Well, the other could either make a guess there, or just wait and let him handle that…..

This was a strange affair, his mind that is. See while he had shut down most of the thoughts to get this far, the further they went the more his mind began to question things that honestly he had no idea why he was questioning. Like sure he did lean towards women, but at the end of the day he did not care which it was he landed with as long as he was accepted for who he was, loved, and respected. He was a simple guy with simple wants, so one would think it would be an easy matter to stay in the moment and go with this lovely thing, but no. His mind had to go into over thinking at random ass times. It had to point out that this was a guy and began to go into question mode about right or wrong...which in turn lead to the core problem that was he just had no idea what to do. Sure he knew his way around a lady, but a guy? He had never considered this option and now that it was actually in front of him he didn’t know what to do as his mind spun for a brief time frame in a state of panic as what-ifs came up. Honestly it was enough to fuck up a situation, but the demon was not having none of that and so had politely told his mind to shut up as he forced himself to focus on what was right in front of him. None of this eternal shenanigans would show up on the outside...unless the other took note of the slight tensing when he first began to do what he did.

Regardless of this the demon did in turn relax and began to enjoy the kissing and such until he got an unexpected result from his rather vague direction. When the other went after his breast, the demon involuntarily shudder not so much out of displeasure, but rather his body taking in a different sort of sensation as he let out a soft moan of pleasure. For someone who was supposed a beginner, this one sure seemed to know how to play didn’t he and while this was all good and everything, this was not where he wanted him to be though before making a move he would let the other play a bit at where he was.

“Mmm. That is pretty good; however,” he would begin in a whisper not exactly wanting him to stop, but still wanting him in a different spot he would began to shift his body and moves his legs so they could spread to either side of the other that was under him giving him a bit more flexibility to perhaps get to where he wanted him to go. As he settled the demon would continue. “Go a bit lower. You’re almost there,” he would direct the other and then just let things play from there. the other was able to make his way lower, the demon leaning back only slightly to help with space issues. And when the other did arrive at his destination? Well needless to say the reaction was unlike any of the others. the demon would let out a hiss of pleasure as the other made contact with the area right between his chest and stomach on his left side. his head would tilt back as he kept his eyes closed a moan escaping him as the other worked around the area. He had no control of what his body did as he shifted slightly with the other's play never breaking contact or disrupting it as he just got caught up in this very pleasurable thing. It was hard to do too much though, he was on top after all and he did not want to smoosh the other, but it made it a challenge for sure, the other would probably notice a tiny bit more of the demon's weight upon the hand he used to hold onto him. if this had been any other way, perhaps with more space or even in the other's arms the demon might've done more or even just gone slightly limp due to the relief and pleasure this particular spot brought to him. this wasn't the only spot of course, but it was the easiest to get to and direct one towards, so that was that. Regardless, there would be no question of whether or not the other was doing his job well or not, the demon's visible reaction and sounds hopefully enough to clear any doubts.

In time, things would come to a calm as the other leaned back on the sofa and Rika decided to take that moment to cuddle and even had a little chat with him. To what was said in regards to the clothing, the demon would smirk a bit as he continued to rest against the other for the time being. “Well that is good. Really good because I probably would’ve died if you were.” Seriously, rip if one was that damn particular about undressing. If it was too out hand then what was even the point, plus it kind of broke the mood. Ah well. At least here that didn’t seem to be a problem and so the demon would let that conversation go by as it would.

When it came to the next thing that occurred,  while he could sense things were off, it wasn’t the physical things that were that made him concern or even the guy’s words. Could he feel a change in the other’s body? Yes. After all his own body did something similar and being close to someone like this, well if they picked up on those things then they would notice. Still unlike the other he did not have issue with this being there and so pass that over easily even when the other hinted at it. For him this was just natural and honestly the only reason he went into panic mode internally was because he was wondering more if he had fucked up somewhere. It was a rough spot that perhaps needed to be visited, but for the time being the demon wouldn’t let whatever it was mess up the flow too badly.

Though he had to admit he was a bit worried about said flow when he got the response from the other. He kind of hesitated himself wondering if the other would say more, but when he didn’t the demon would move to do what he did, keeping in mind the snags they needed to untangle perhaps when they were not so busy and things were calm again. In any case, the demon wouldn’t say much once he began as he moved about the other’s chest area with kisses, licks and sucks. He got some response this time, a hum here and the other actually touched his shoulders for a bit. The response back to what the other did was a light hum and purr from the demon. He was happy with this and probably would’ve continued if the other hadn’t stopped him.

He was just about to move to play with the other’s other nipple when he felt the guy’s hands move and then unexpectedly found a hand under his chin. Not resisting the tug, he would look up at the other in a sleepy fashion. He would give the other a small lopsided grin as he used one hand to brush the other’s face gently. “Yeah? Sup love?” he would ask softly as his eyes watched the other in a gentle fashion suggesting that despite him not making a move he was open to anything that may happen.

Well, what was right and what was wrong anyway? It’s not like the gender really determined that. Was being with a guy different? Yes, and so what? After all, every person is unique already, so even two women would not have to be the same way when it comes to ‘how do I do this right with them’. In the end, it just took some time getting used to what one had in front of them. That’s what you do with your entirely first time as well, not having any experience with either gender yet, right? It’s not all that different to sort of do it again. Thankfully, he wasn’t griping about the idea as much as the other in this case, despite the fact that he had zero real experience compared to the demon who had at least been with someone before, despite gender difference. At least one concern was making a good job at evading him. As for noticing what was happening, whether he did or not would remain a mystery, since he would not make any odd reaction either way.

As for what followed it…well, one could indeed argue that he was doing pretty well for a beginner. Can’t really deny that. Guess he was just quick at picking things up? He did technically know how to do things in theory anyway. Despite not having hands on experience, it didn’t necessarily mean he had never ever laid eyes on any information regarding the stuff or anything like that. And this didn’t strike him as hard to do. It was all about taking a chance and just being careful to not hurt the person unless they are into that, right? He could do as much when he wasn’t busy worrying about other things.

That said, what happened, happened. He did get momentarily disgruntled about the bit of extra weight, but luckily enough, it wasn’t bad enough for him to cave under it or anything. Though, he would definitely need to lay off soon after since he did not want sore arms the next day, as interesting as this activity was getting. The maybe unlucky part could be that unlike the demon, getting him to have a reaction as intense as that was not as easy. Even if he did let up and be more expressive, he still didn’t go under that fast. He sure had places he really liked to be prodded in, while they were also fairly simple to reach, but none of them were to the point where he’d literally swoon after one poke (unless his partner was just very skilled at doing it, and did it right). There were ways to get him there of course, but it typically involved more complex stuff, and likely not something that falls into the more cautious light play. Maybe they would get there eventually though….?

Maybe after a light break, since one would indeed come to happen right after. He would huff in mild amusement at the comment he received there. ‘’That lethal, eh?’’ Well, he could admit that someone being that finicky would indeed be an annoyance of high caliber. No lie there. And when a person complains about something as abysmal as who does undressing, who knows what else do they get unbelievably particular about. How about no man…?

Speaking of no’s, the follow up was sure an odd one. If it was not what happened, nor the words, then what even? He had not done anything besides speaking up like he did. That was all he had done there…outside of well, laying down the same as before. Plus, his reaction was mostly because he was unsure of what it could cause. Ironically, both of them were just worrying about possible unplanned obstacles, while there were honestly none for real. He really had no true problem with what was happening….just slight nerves because he had no idea how the other would view it all. That, and the slight awkwardness of cuddling in that state, because it just didn’t seem to entirely fit and all. In the end though, most of the worries were just that, and nothing serious. On both sides, apparently. Would they ever chill out…? A million dollar question, probably…

Seriously, the only thing truly disrupting the flow was the two of them taking turns at worrying over nothing. A wonder whether they realized that, at least a little bit. Well, he did kind of know that some of his unsureness could easily be pointless, but since he often had nothing to use as proof against it…except for more vagueness after seeing non-conclusive reactions from the other, it was that much harder to just shoo it away to the corner. How unfortunate, really. It truly was something they needed to kick pretty hard soonish, unless they wanted to cause some unnecessary extra damage themselves. How though….well…who knew…

Nevertheless, things would continue on from there anyway, until a slight halt happened when he decided to change the course of action after a while.


He would pause a bit himself however, in the face of the response he got. He would glance off to the side awkwardly, seemingly a little flustered by it all. Though, he would pull himself together after a brief moment, giving a faint ‘mmm’ sound…..before chirping crickets proceeded to happen for a moment. He was originally going to just do something, but this kind of threw him off the loop a tiny bit. Now he was kind of stuck on how he really wanted to do this. He could take the easiest option, which was his initial idea, and just not get into this odd talk business that was suddenly happening. Or…he could try to go along with it somehow. To be honest…while he was certainly a lot calmer compared to his earlier flip out they had to speak about, he still kind of felt confused about things. He really didn’t know what was the best way to approach it all, even though he was aware that it wasn’t really the best thing at all. Why did this have to be so hard…..

And so complicated for that matter. His indecisiveness alongside other random feelings kind of showed in his expression too for a while, though it wouldn’t be for very long, since he would eventually kick himself into making at least some attempt after the sudden awkward pause. Shifting his hands, he would move them over to loosely lock around the other’s shoulders.

Perhaps there wasn’t a right and wrong to this and maybe gender wasn’t the key problem here. Perhaps the main cause of it all was that this was his first time with a guy and one that he was actually willing to commit himself to by pursuing a serious relationship. All the what if’s that came up when he reflected on that was what kept the demon in a state of hot and cold when it came to this situation. One minute he was fine and then the next stressed. Fine, stressed, fine. It was odd limbo to contend with, but one that thankfully didn’t stop him from pushing forward and doing things. He was scared of various things, but tried to push it away. Try to enjoy this and for the most part he did pretty well, even more so when some time down the road the other did indeed find one of his weak spots.

He reacted in the only way he knew how to and to be honest he was not ashamed of the matter. To him, what he did was as natural as breathing air and pretty simple to go with. Sure his reaction was different than before, but why not express pleasure when you felt it and it was so right? While he might’ve been easier to make swoon if you hit the right spots, the demon did know how to play the game and turn said urges off. Sure he had led the guy to a weak spot, but would he always act this way when the spot approached? Well that was a question for another time wasn’t it. Regardless, he let the other play his mind focused on the moment until it finally came to an end and they came to a brief rest.

They would fall into light chat and perhaps unknowingly dance on the mental scape as they passed between calm and stressed over whatever passed through their minds at that point in time. In the end though, even that event would pass as the pair settled into something else.

Something that involved soft words and hesitation on both sides. Rika hesitated because he was just curious and the other hesitated because he was...flustered? The demon would blink at this as the other looked away. He was flustered due to his words?

….

Why was he so fucking adorable? Seriously, why? The action made the demon smile a bit as he stayed where he was his eyes drifting elsewhere briefly before the other made a humming noise that drew his attention once more. Looking down, he would find his smile fading a bit as silence surrounded them. He would watch the other with open curiosity as he seemed to struggle with something for a few moments before actually moving to touch him. As his hands wrapped around his shoulders, the demon would remain calm enough and when he heard what he heard, he would smirk.

“Is that all?” he would ask in a playful manner, but for the most part he would obey this simple command as he bent his arms a bit so they could indeed kiss. His lips would brush lightly against the other’s at first before some pressure was applied as he settled into the kiss.  This was the simple part. Kisses. Though why it could not stay this simple was a mystery he’d probably never unravel.

Regardless, the demon would eventually pull back slightly after a moment and look down at the other, seeming to consider something before he opened his mouth. “Neh. This sofa’s a bit cramped, no? Mind if we move this to the bed?” he would ask and then pausing he look down at the guy’s chest as he settled on him slightly and used one finger to draw a circle at the middle of it, his expression shifting to a slightly more serious one. “As much as I am enjoying this...I think perhaps we should hold up a bit and actually talk. I dunno about you, but….I for one cannot get myself to just relax. It’s dumb maybe, but it is a thing.” He was being honest as he became silent as his eyes looked up at the other. He would give him a sheepish smile. Yeah...he hated to do this crush things, but honestly there was no pleasure to be gained if a thorn was stabbing into things and no thought to address. No leaving that thorn there could cause some other issues. Issues the demon rather not deal with if they could be avoided…..

Well, there was more behind it than just being flustered, but seeing as they typically did not go in depth on things, or even talk about most of them, it wouldn’t really seem like anything else for the time being. He didn’t really have it in him to say anything in regards to that situation anyway, and they would sort of move on fairly quickly as well. To be honest, he was feeling a little bit on edge after all this stuff, since things did not seem to go well for very long at a time. There was always some random burn happening, whether it was a real one, or just a perceived one. Not that it was easy to tell them apart in the first place though, since a lot of things kept being left unsaid, making it a tough job to navigate these moments properly.

…he wasn’t even sure how he felt about the other being seemingly amused by his request, since his own mood didn’t appear to be wanting to match it, but he was probably not going to be able to figure out that one. He had far too much bouncing around his mind already, and there was no way he could think of everything without just short-circuiting eventually. A wonder whether something like that is possible? Even a person’s mind/brain must have some limits on how much it can handle. Well, food for thought for later when things were less all over the place, maybe. Speaking of too much…you know it’s that when you start having trouble focusing on reality properly. Not that he didn’t register said kiss or ignored it…he was the one to ask for it after all, but he was just kind of….what do you even call this….?

He would blink when the demon suddenly came up with the suggestion of moving elsewhere. Well, he couldn’t say no to that. The sofa had been largely annoying him for a while already. ‘’Anything’s better than being a sandwich.’’, he would mutter with a faint frown. Despite the maybe jokey looking answer, he was fairly serious about his claim. He did not dislike cuddling for what it was, but that did not meant he always equated it with being stuck to a person like a sticker due to lack of free space. His frown would stay for a while longer as the other followed up with a different kind of request. If it were physically possible, he would probably be having a large raincloud over his head right now. Weather forecast says rainy and gloomy, apparently. Though, it wasn’t because he had a problem with things being brought up….he did know the current state of matters just wasn’t okay. Actually having to talk about it though….did not necessarily make him feel good. He wasn’t in his calmest of moods at the moment, compared to when he was handling Rika’s breakdowns at the forest or the like, so it was hard to say how would he handle the talking, or respond to it in general. Then again…it was maybe a good thing in the end. It was kind of harder for them to get anywhere when he kept being too flippant about everything, as much as could be seen in some of the older conversations they’ve already gone through.

Well, there was a lot on the plate for sure….

Silences. It was something that was common between the pair and a thing that flowed in and out of interactions between them just as easily as waves went back and forth on a shoreline. The silence of nature were peaceful and balanced, but the silences between the two males? Unpredictable and uncertain. While for the most part nothing bad had shown itself on the surface and no huge blow outs had occurred, there was no denying that something was building between them. A something that was probably not going to end well if the pair continued to dodge facing it or keeping their lips sealed. At first it was easy to ignore in face of other things, but as time wore on and pauses came up, the demon’s ability to shove whatever was lingering over them away became harder and harder. Whatever this thing was, it made him anxious and uncomfortable and he wondered if the other felt it too.

He couldn’t be sure since the guy was as hard to read as freaking brick wall. He could only see what he showed...which he was learning rather quickly was a surface view. The guy would squirm yes, but under it all he bet a few bars of gold that the guy’s state was probably more complex than that and that for whatever reason, the other kept his mouth shut when maybe he should be speaking. It was a strange trait that they both seemed to share though Rika knew why he was hesitant to say anything. He was scared to ruin things or that he would trigger something he did not wish to occur with his ever so “graceful” wording. He believed if he were to open his mouth and try to even bring to present things that bothered him that he would effective ruin the mood...which wasn’t exactly a full lie. Some of the stuff that bothered him was pretty heavy and at times downright depressing, but he kept it to himself and tried to just go with the flow.

He had managed to get through most of the encounter by forcing himself to focus, but now that things were slowing down that odd feeling he had gotten when he had cuddled with the other earlier came back, except more powerful than usual. Even when he remained playful and delivered the other’s wish, he had to wonder what was even happening here. Call him crazy, but it almost felt as if the other and himself had disconnected in a way. Like on a surface level they had indeed kissed, but that usual connection that came when two were synced up nicely and enjoying each other? It wasn’t there. No. Instead was this odd feeling of discomfort that settled within the demon and while it was nerve wrecking to do considering the outcome could be bad, the demon could not ignore the elephant in the room and so did what he did best...ruined stuff by bringing it up.

Honestly, what was the used in trying to have fun when you really weren’t 100% into it for whatever reason? It just wasn’t fair to yourself nor the person you were with, so even though there was good in the strange pot of wtf they still had to deal with whatever unpleasantries got stuck to the bottom and so here they were. When the other agreed to the move, the demon would let out a small snort of amusement; however, it was softer than usual and the smile he wore a faint that showed that while he tried to remain calm and playful, his anxiety was setting in. Despite it all though, he would remain more or less calm as he nodded at the others words before he shifted and got off of him. He would stretch a bit before relaxing again and heading towards the bedroom flicking the tv off as he moved since no one was watching it anyway. He would stay quiet, his eyes only moving to watch the cat run out of the room and take over the sofa since her space was being invaded, but he didn’t care so much about it thanks to his mind being elsewhere anyway. Like how was he even going to begin with this thing that bothered him anyway...How did he even put it into words? Just how? And why so hard?

See it was stuff like this that drove the demon crazy and it showed on his face as he moved to the side of the bed and then sat down on it with a light sigh. He would sit with his hands at his side for a bit, gripping the edge of the bed a bit as he stared at the carpet in thought not sure where to go with this before shaking his head a bit and moving again this time to swing around to actually stretch out in the bed. Keeping himself propped against the backboard for now he would look at the other wherever he may be as he rested his hands easily across his stomach. Narrowing his eyes a bit to focus he would finally speak as he gave up on right wording and just dove right into whatever this mess was.

“So like...I…” he would begin and then stop and shake his head trying to clear it. This sucked balls man, but he had to try since he did bring it up to begin with ya? They needed to talk, so…The demon frowned a bit as he looked down at his hands and tried again. “I..uh...don’t really know how to address this, but I am noticing a trend for myself that seems to loop back around to trust and what not. Like...I try to relax and can somewhat get there, but then...I dunno, I just tense up again and start thinking and in turn become anxious again...and while I can’t speak for you, I have to wonder if maybe you do the same or perhaps have thoughts on what I give off. I mean...I did see you hesitate back there and even just now you seemed like you wanted to say something, but didn’t. Perhaps what needs to be said is uncomfortable...but….I think we both need to try and get it out there. Otherwise, I dunno what it might do…”

And that came out. Now did it make sense and would the other understand where he was coming from was another matter. He knew before when he tried to express himself the matter became a blow out of a sort….so was this too going to be the same? The demon would bite his nip nervously at that thought as he unconsciously moved his left hand to his arm and rubbed it uncomfortably. Why? Why did things like this have to happen at the worse of times?

Hmmm, what was happening indeed? Well, he was usually known to be the calmer person in the room and all, compared to most. However, when he did swing the other way, it definitely went all the way. Perhaps one could say he was adept at switching between extremes sometimes. That, and when the feels did decide to be persistent enough to hit him, it was kind of game over for being able to pretend he was going along with something else. Well, he could try, but it would probably just be obvious that it wasn’t quite genuine. Most of the time, he just didn’t. It wasn’t worth it. Although, that did not mean he was going to cooperate and bring it all up either. He could sure be a tough brick wall here and there. That said…when he wasn’t having fun, he simply wasn’t, and feeble attempts at playing around were going to fail one way or another. At least, when things were getting as heavy as this, that’s for sure. And sadly, the current state of affairs was definitely starting to wear on him by that point. Interpersonal stuff was never his strongest point, thus he did not have a lot of leverage to hold onto when things went downhill in that particular area. He was a-okay in most others, but not this.

Nevertheless, he would follow the other silently, just observing for the most part. He would eventually settle on the other side of the bed though, but unlike the other he wouldn’t prop himself up and just lay down on it flat on his back. There would be a short moment of silence after that, until the demon chose to speak up. His reaction to it wouldn’t come immediately, but he was listening to what was being said. Just had to take a while to process it with all the chaos already swirling around his mind already.


The other may have been worrying about blow outs, but the question of ‘what types of blow outs’ would probably hang in the air there, since this was definitely going to be different than most of their previous ‘discussions’. It wasn’t going to be easy however, so what would it count as? Perhaps it would be better than the rest though. In some way. Regardless, instead of speaking, he would move at first, rolling over to a side and curling up slightly as he made a faint seemingly unhappy noise in the back of his throat. At the very least though, he didn’t turn in a way that would have his back to the demon. Still, just based on what could be seen, it would appear that he was taking this worse than the other.

To be honest, he kind of hated this. What is worse than being completely useless just because of stupid feelings no one was asking for? And it was all a blur to add insult to injury. He wasn’t even quite sure whether he was feeling uncomfortable or what, but he could at the very least recognize fear. Probably because that was the main problem, more so than anything else, since those were more often than not just side-effects. Normally, he would likely not even be doing this, to be frank. It was much easier to just keep away from these types of situations, and it helped that he was not the kind of person to be too attached to the idea of being close with a lot of people. Right now, he was sort of stuck in a corner, and he hated running like a coward as well, so that was not really an option at this point either. It was either make a move, or chicken out and possibly turn this even worse. Though, with how troublesome things were already, the latter could end up breaking them apart. Pretty sure that was a serious possibility, were they to handle things completely wrong. That did not change the fact that this was fucking hell though. He was almost surprised that he let this all happen despite being aware that there was nearly no way to just pass by this smoothly no matter what. What did he actually expect of this all…..? Hmm.

‘’….wanting something doesn’t seem to….always be enough, if I…can’t get my voice to..cooperate. I’ll….try though. You…I don’t think I can..read you well enough when you…normally don’t say anything conclusive. I…don’t know what I don’t know, so…trying feedback like that seems…pointless. That’s…what happens though, isn’t..it? It’s…too confusing. I can’t relax because it’s..not enough. I can almost…never tell whether I’m doing anything right. What’s…a random smile or sound good..for by itself anyway? You could just be…pleased by your own thoughts instead of me for all I know…or whatever else. You..say you get anxious…I don’t know if I am just..blind, or you’re…that good at pretending nothing is…really wrong, but I usually can’t figure anything..from you when it matters. Or if I do….it’s so vague I’m no better off anyway…’’ Well, he did cough up something, although his voice did indeed sound tight, and he did appear to be speaking with a slight rasp here and there. If nothing else though, at least he wasn’t shutting down completely. Perhaps it would improve with time? Sometimes he could calm himself down decently if he could take some time to do so, but that wasn’t necessarily the ultimate solution either way. Nevertheless, this was still some progress? It could seem like a rather bad spot due to how it was happening, but it wasn’t the worst possible scenario either, was it now?

The calmer one indeed. While Rika didn’t cry (yet) or do any form of outward protesting to what was going on, it was without a doubt that he was very bothered with this particular snag because it was a snag that had come up once before... except at the time it did occur he was alone in the boat of ruin. Alone and kind of stinging from the event even if he did bounce back from it well enough and kept trying. He tried to work with what he had telling himself it would be alright, he just had to keep himself in check and perhaps just perhaps things would be fine, but...in the end they weren’t fine. Things went from slightly shaky to maybe okay to rock bottom quicker than the time it took to sink the Titanic. It was scary really, but it had happened again and this time around it did not look like Rika was alone in the boat of ruin and despair.

No. As he sat in his bed and the other laid down on the other side. He could just tell both from air and the way the other was behaving that something was up, but what it was he could not say, but knew whatever it was had to be addressed. He tried to start, but received silence at first a thing that did nothing for his nerves as he glanced at the other for a moment and then trying to hide a wince let his eyes drift towards the ceiling as he leaned his head back and simply gave the other space to think. At least that is what he was hoping he was doing. He’d sure hate for the guy to nope this right now. If he did, he honestly did not know what he may do. The anxiety had gotten to a high and while he did not wish to explode, he knew if the lid kept being pressed down over whatever this oddness between them he just might. That was just how bad it was internally at least as he sat and waited, his mind pinging around and refusing his commands to be silent.

Unconsciously, he had begun to gnaw on his lip a bit hard enough to make it sore, but not draw blood. He would continue to do this until he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and in turn looked at the other as he rolled to his side and curled up a bit, looking and sounding miserable. It was kind of painful to see and this time, the demon’s lip couldn’t help, but to twitch with the light wince there. He was...struggling too, but why? Rika wanted to know, but before he could pry the other began to speak, his voice tense and seemingly strained.

To what he heard, the demon would become quiet as he looked down at the bed in thought and then sighing a bit, he would shift in his spot to get a closer to the other. He didn’t lay down yet, but he did get himself within reaching range of the other.

“Me? Hard to read?” he would repeat softly. “No I am not that difficult. In fact, I am pretty direct with my feelings. Back then any sound you heard was indeed pleasure not from a thought running through my head, but simply due to what you did to me. My mind was definitely in those moments and focused on you only. It wasn’t until pauses or start ups that it started wandering where it did not belong,” he said not being able to get his voice to go above a soft mutter. He would pause in his speaking and reach out a hand, but hesitate for a moment or two seeming to debate something before continuing his action. He would reach out to touch the other going for his head and hair. From his sitting position, he would lean over a bit so he could stroke the guy's hair unsure if this was a good, a bad, a trigger or what, but he wanted to touch him...and to be honest wanted to just hold the guy, but too many what ifs and other experiences made him become anxious of doing such a thing so he worked with the petting instead. Maybe this would be okay or maybe it wouldn’t...he wasn’t sure any more and to be honest only got confused and made himself more anxious the more he tried to figure it out. He felt like crying under the pressure, but thankfully not a single tear fell as he found his voice again and continued. “I-I am not...too sure. Too sure how to help you understand what I feel. I don’t know what you need to hear or..anything of that nature. I don’t know anything about you that can help me. I mean...I…I probably you even less than you understand...” For fuck sake’s why? He was digging him in a hole. He knew it, but he needed to say it. Even if shit went flying for it. He needed to say it. Needed too...

The demon would pause in stroking the other’s hair as he looked away as a pained expression came across his face, his mind whirling for a bit as he tried to collect himself and when he thought he did he would pull his hand back as he slid down into a lying position turning to his side and wrapped his arms around himself and kind of hugged himself as he looked up at the other with an expression that was somewhere caught between pain and fear. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and then curling a bit tried again this time managing to get some words out.

“...I want to make this better….but...in the end, I feel pretty useless. I mean... here we are on the edge of something...uncomfortable. I can tell you’re not happy and maybe even suffering and yet all I am doing is probably adding to it. You say...I am good at pretending I am not anxious and maybe in some cases I am because…” He would look away at that point as he hugged himself tighter. “The moment I let myself be seen like this….is the moment people run. I...uh...guess it is just better to say I am pretty fucked up. Even before the whole fusion nonsense, I was already messed up. I can pretend to be bright and happy...and all that shit, but in the end I am just a nervous bundle trying to keep everything in line so I can least appear normal. At least that way...I am not trouble. Me nor my anxiety issues. I don’t know how to make you or anyone understand that about me. I don’t know how to fix it overnight o-or anything that. I am just well this and probably...just making it seem like it should be all about. But it is not...it's just me here...” He would look over at the other, trembling slightly out of fear and nerves he could not hide this time. “You’re bothered by something too, aren’t you? Something that makes you unable to relax too? Won’t you tell me what it is?...Please...”

He would ask the question his voice remaining strained and soft, he did throw a lot at the other and to be honest he wouldn’t be surprised if the guy noped this idea and just left. He brought what he was under it all to the front, even knowing the other had issues of his own. It could seem like he was trying to make the issue be about him, but he wasn’t. No...far from it.

He did this because for the first since many, many years ago he was done pretending and just wanted to be himself, but in order to that he had to reveal the ugly along side of the good. Become vulnerable in ways he did not wish to be and hadn’t allowed himself to do in many, many years. There was only one other person in his life that had gotten to see him for what he was...and that person ---no. It did not matter. What matter was that he wanted to trust the other with him now and so allowed himself to fall this low and become this open to things that if done wrong could scar him even more. But there was another side to this too. Sure he revealed himself, but he hoped that by being vulnerable and yet open to the other and his state that perhaps the guy would open up to him too and help him understand him, so he could help the guy with his own problems too.

After all, how could they grow if he was the only one revealing things and the other never said a word or showed anything outside of small things? He honestly didn’t know and in turned worried a bit about that and what it would do to their relationship, even so he kept an eye on the other watching his behavior as he did his best to be there for the guy even if he too was falling apart in bad way right now….

Oh, he was miserable indeed. In his own way, at least. His state of mind was a rather complex thing, so who knew if there was even a word that could label what was happening perfectly. Maybe it was pointless to even try to find one in the end. Nevertheless, the show must go on, right?

When hearing the first tidbit of a response, he would just shut his eyes for a moment, seemingly in some sort of thought. Well, for a very short moment, since the other decided to touch him right after. Which was admittedly a little unexpected, and would cause a slight jerk reaction from him. It was rather faint though, and he would settle back down quickly enough after the fact. He’d allow the petting for the time being, not really making any move himself yet, still caught up in his thoughts a bit. ‘’Yes but…what I’m trying to…say is…the meaning of sounds is what one…interprets them as themselves…I…can’t trust that on its own. Some maybe….but not all….I think, I just want a more…specific confirmation…like words or such…’’ If nothing else, some things would be easier that way. Having something more sturdy to lean back on…even later on. A few sounds weren’t going to leave a big impact outside of in the moment. He wasn’t going to remember them clearly long-term, which could easily eventually result in a lack of connection to what had happened. Not that it was always needed…but when the relationship was not completely stable yet, wasn’t it a better idea to start off with some solid brick ground instead of scattering around soft sand? Er, figuratively speaking, at least. His mind worked in odd ways anyhow.

Speaking of odd, the scenario would delve onto all kinds of strangeness after that somewhat calmer initial moment. He would open his eyes back up when they moved on, and was watching the demon, although it seemed like his concentration levels were not very steady. He did appear like he was staring more off into some unknown space than being focused on the other. Nevertheless, he did not turn away or anything like that. Perhaps an unusual lack of reaction in general, as he remained still for the majority of what transpired there, but it was what it was. He could only hope that the other didn’t take it as him ignoring what was going on or not really listening…because that was not the case. He was…just a little out of it himself, and sometimes he did space out slightly when like that. Moments of seemingly not paying a lot of attention happened even normally as a matter of fact. They just weren’t as obviously odd for the most part.

It would take him a moment to catch onto the new silence once the guy was done talking, though when he did, he would make a somewhat distressed expression with a low groan. Fucking….ugh. Now he was getting agitated on top of it all. Mostly with himself of course, but the mental levels of ‘can this fuck off right now’ were definitely pretty high right then and there. If this was a different situation, he would maybe be amused at his ability to somehow be severely annoyed even during a potential mental breakdown. Makes you wonder how it all works together. It wasn’t an entirely new thing though. Yes, just like the other, he did have bursts of fear and possibly anxiety when things hit a down low for him, but he also seemed to sometimes flip between that, and just being irritated at the very least. Or both at once. His thinking pattern wasn’t as focused on the progress at hand as the demon’s appeared to be, as much as it did matter to him. It was like…putting one too many things into the mixer when attempting to make a smoothie.

‘’Ghnn…’’ What are even words, right? Ah well. Instead of providing an answer, he would proceed to move about first. Rolling over on his back again, to the other side, and then right back…well, he was kind of rolling back and forth alright, though not turning over entirely on either side. Just kind of half rolls, while still remaining on his back at least slightly at all times. Meanwhile, he also seemed gripping at the sides of his head with his hands. Was he just trying to shake something off his mind? It was somewhat hard to tell, but he was definitely struggling with something there at least. For maybe…15 seconds, after which he’d stop with a mild frown, propping himself up on his elbows as he turned his head to stare at the other. He was probably weirding the other out, he wouldn’t doubt that. But you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. ‘’…ok, I think reality check is working for now…’’, he would mutter faintly, seemingly a decent bit more coherent for the time being. Which was probably good, because at least one of them needed to be able to stay on calmer ground for this conversation. That’s assuming he’d last long, but whatever.

‘’I feel like I could be happy if I wasn’t figuratively losing my mind. Or God forbid, maybe even literally.’’, he would make a mild grimace for a brief moment, before sighing as he shifted himself again, this time to move closer to the other laying down on his side again and trying to loop one arm around the demon, somewhere at the level of the guy’s stomach. ‘’Now then…while I’m still thinking straight enough…well, I can’t say you’re not adding to things at all…but I’m pretty sure the real problem isn’t you anyhow. And…I’m not really thinking about this in terms of what is more trouble and what isn’t. I don’t care what you are. Everyone is probably fucked up in their own way. That’s something one learns after seeing things ranging from great to fucking horrible. You just do you. I’m not trying to force you to keep appearances up for me. I think I actually despise liars and people who willingly dismiss things left and right because it’s just so much easier to not acknowledge a problem on a wider scale. That’s how things and people get messed up eventually. Actually, on second thought, it's probably just the ignorant assholes. Whatever…’’ He was starting to lose track of his point there. Though he did kind of say what he wanted to…sorta…

Back to frowning though. ‘’Me? I’m not really sure. I’d love to summarize it with life saying ‘fuck you’, but I think that is not the correct answer. Be my guest if you have any idea. What I do know is, that things love to be what they aren’t. And I seem to have a problem with people who aren’t genuine enough, or those I can’t trust they are. And a lot of insanity as an appetizer.’’ A vague answer of sorts, but he did technically give away a good chunk of stuff throughout all of his actions and words up until now. How the other interpreted it was not his call however. He…could have a strange choice in vocabulary/explanations at times, and this was apparently one of them. But hey, he wasn’t utterly despairing right now? Frankly, he wasn’t even sure what fuel was he riding on at the moment, but he was currently going to take anything that wasn’t an unbearable amount of fear. Though he was sure that was hiding somewhere too still. Nevertheless, odd choice of words aside, there was no negative intent in his voice when he spoke. So hopefully, this would go over…okay…?

Well at least the other didn’t try to push his hand away or escape the touch when he jumped slightly when the demon first began. He seemed to settle under the petting, but the demon was still very concerned about what was happening with the other, his behavior peculiar in comparison to how he normally saw him. What bothered him so much that he was like this? And why would he not state it out loud to him...Was it to personal to do so? The demon was curious about it alright, but he wouldn’t get a chance to poke the other about said curiosity because shortly after he began petting him the guy would speak.

To what he heard the demon would frown a bit in thought, his mind trying to find a sensible solution to it all. The guy didn’t trust sounds he made and wanted something more solid. The words could come off as the guy saying he did not trust the demon, but Rika choose not to settle on a surface notion of that. No. The guy and himself trusted each other some regards otherwise things would’ve never gotten to where they had been nor would they have come to this. So when he heard the words he took a moment to ponder them before nodding a bit at that.

“I can see point. Hmm...I am not sure what to say in those moments, but if it helps I will make a conscious effort to be more verbally about things or do what I can to make it less bothersome to you. I can’t guarantee it 100% of the time, but...I can try it,” the demon would say as he continued to stroke the other’s hair for a while longer. What he said was no lie. He honestly did want to help make this easier for the other until he had a better grasp on him, but he wondered how much he could really do there. Would words really help out or...was there something better to use here? He wasn’t too sure and wouldn’t go to deeply into that matter right now as other less than pleasant things came about.

If Sharaku couldn’t read Rika due to the lack of verbal or other cues outside of sound, then Rika was hopelessly lost at what was happening now. He understood that the guy was not the most reactive person when it came to things, but as he shared what he shared that behavior was taken to a whole new level. Yes the guy looked at him, but did he see him? Like truly see him? He seemed to be elsewhere and his stillness brought no comfort at all. If anything, it made the demon more scared than before as his grip upon himself tightened to an almost painful level. Maybe...this wasn’t such a good idea….Maybe he should’ve never said anything and just focus on the other. Perhaps it would’ve been better just to...to…

The demon shook himself mentally as he curled even more trying to make himself as small as possible in this situation. He wanted to disappear. Just fade away and perhaps the other would be happier that way. It was hard to say, even more so when what happened next happened. As the other let out the sound, the demon’s red eyes would look back at him as a look of concern crossed his face. He didn’t like that sound or the look on the other’s face. He couldn’t make if the guy was going to scream or yell at him or what? It was scary to view and even scarier when the guy actually began to roll about over there and seem like he was literally losing it.

If the demon was scared before of being vulnerable in front of the other, he managed to knock that away as a different form of fear came over him - mainly the fear of what was happening here. What was he to do? Was the guy having a seizure? A break down? What? Did he need to call the ambulance? Yeah he was panicked for a few seconds, but then shaking himself mentally he would clear his head and focus on the other. Maybe if he could just touch him or something?

He wasn’t sure what he was doing when he sat up slightly and actually leaned towards that chaotic bundle with an hand out stretched. He had planned to just grab his shoulder or arm, but right before he could get there, the guy stopped causing the demon to pause his hand hovering midway to the guy as he watched the other with deep concern for a few moments, until the other sat up a bit and spoke. To what he said, the demon would blink as he let his hand fall back to the bed keeping himself supported for a few moments on his side as he looked down at the cover and shook his head a bit.

“Reality check?” he would ask and then looking up at the other he would give a faint smile. “Is that your normal method of coming back down to earth?” he would ask without any form of malice or tease there. Despite the small smile, the demon was dead serious about his inquiry. He wanted to know if the guy did that often and if so at least he would be able to better brace himself for it and in turn actually react quicker and better to it. He wasn’t sure what went on in the guy’s head during that time, but surely that was something not so fun to go through alone right? Well wherever that went the demon would relax a bit as he let himself go back to lying down as he heard the next words, but for the moment didn’t say anything.

And when the other decided to move closer a few seconds later? The demon did not back away nor did he resist when the other moved to wrap his arm around him. Sure what had happened along the way was indeed enough to make maybe some take a step back, the demon found that he did not wish to do that. So the guy had shown an odd point, but in turn the demon much rather understand that odd point and even the meaning behind his first set of words when he had calmed down. People were strange, but also a bit skittish to be honest. Quick to judge and nope things before even settling to figure it out. Sharaku...he had plenty of times to do that very thing with himself, but stayed….and even after highs and lows in the whole relationship, at the end of the day the guy still tried. Tried to make it work and tried to understand. He didn’t run from a few burns. He endured and fought back against the odds. It was a trait that demon saw reflected in himself and instead of being agitated or annoyed by it all, he found himself actually being comforted by that idea. Sure they were night and day, but maybe not so different after all. It was a curious thing and something that only became more curious when the other spoke again.

The demon wouldn’t move at first as he simply took in what was being said, his expression one of open shock more so than anything as he blinked a few times at the other. He...he was alright with him as he was? It was okay to be like this... and the other was fine with it? It took a moment for it to all sink in, but when it did the earlier fear and tension from the demon would melt as he actually moved this time. He would scoot a bit closer and wiggle about slightly so that he could snuggle right up to the other making it so that he could be close to the other yet comfortable enough to speak as he rested a hand against the other’s chest.

“...I know you want communication...but it is kind of hard to put into words...how truly happy that makes me. It is...a big relief to be honest with you. I had begun to wonder if I was...too much for ya and maybe somewhere you were secretly hating me. Stupid probably, but that just goes to show how much I cannot read you well from what I was seeing or receiving,” he would say as he leaned his head against the other his eyes closing for a bit. “It’s not a bad thing though and I don’t want you to bend over backwards trying to change either. You be you and I can be me. That good enough,” he would say, not sure how butchered or sappy those words came out, but at the same time not caring. He really meant what he said and hopefully the other could pick up on that. As for the rest…

The demon was quiet for a moment as he let his hand trace along a scar on the other’s chest. He did indeed hear the words and had even picked up on the strange the behaviors the other displayed, it brought a lot of questions up that was for sure, but how did one approach something like this without stepping on toes? Was there a right way? Hmm...Probably not and after a few seconds of silence, the demon would hum a bit at what was heard.

“Well, I don’t think that is a bad thing. I think I would prefer everything to be genuine and non-judgmental. It would be kind of nice to walk out of the door and know that what I saw or who I met was exactly what they showed, but alas the world like to be complicated and not so straight forward doesn’t it?” he would begin with a light smile before that expression changed to one more serious as he thought over the rest. “Hmm. Well I am not too sure if I can guess what the issue is for you...at least with the information I have I cannot, but perhaps we can figure it out together. ….You say, you don’t trust easily and that things in life didn’t go exactly according to plan for you. In fact, I wonder if it is too bold say it went rather horrible for you, even more so when you say you feel like you’re losing your mind or reacting to things in odd ways. Perhaps I am outline this, but I want to know,” he would pause and shift a bit so he could look up at the other a bit easier. “What happened to you in the past? What left these physical and mental scars?”

Perhaps if he understood the past, he could help the other figure out what the issue was that got him snagged here and there and in turn perhaps a way to help him out or support him in the end; however, would this work or would it flop? Well he’d have to indeed find out.

Trust was a rather…special little thing. At times, he would say that maybe he just had no sense of trust, or at the very least did not see it the same ways most normal people would. What was it really? And how accurate? You could put all your trust in someone, completely sure they would never betray it…and then the opposite would happen. Or you could be suspicious and never trust someone who could potentially have become your closest friend/partner had you let them. One way or another, it was just an abstract concept you could either choose to believe in or not, based on your own assumptions. And well..he honestly didn’t know. Sometimes he gave more, sometimes less, but if asked, he probably wouldn’t be able to decide whether there was trust involved. If asked whether he trusted the person he was closer to more than someone else…he would just be tempted to say he didn’t quite trust either of them anyway. He kind of…didn’t like talking about that topic. People would just assume bad of him if he were honest and said he did not trust, despite the fact that in his ‘language’ that didn’t have to mean what they thought it does. Still, he had to use it here and there, since it was the only plausible way to label certain things. Maybe he just didn’t understand the feeling well and wasn’t able to identify if he trusted someone properly? There were a lot of questions, and very few answers…

‘’Mmh…’’ Well, there was nothing to argue about there. He acknowledged the answer given, but at that moment, he would rather speak only as much as he had to, considering he was glad he had even forced himself to make coherent sounds in the first place. Thus he wasn’t going to add anything there, unless the other made some direct prompt, such as asking an additional question in regards to the subject, or just bringing up something he would have to make a statement on.

As for what happened next….well, it was perhaps a bit unfortunate, since his intention wasn’t really to ignore the other there, but he couldn’t always do away with things just because he wanted to. And even if, it might not happen right away. Luckily enough for the other, he had at least been listening through that. It would have been much worse had he not, since it was a question whether the guy would be willing to repeat himself again were that the case. And well, how would he even defend his case, really? Didn’t seem like the guy was too easy to convince about positive meanings. Nevertheless, that moment would pass by pretty quick since he decided to take more drastic measures pretty soon afterwards. An odd thing to do, yes, but he had his ways. It was better than nothing, in all honesty. When he did stop, he would blink at the other, since he hadn’t been paying much attention beforehand, thus he hadn’t been aware of why did the guy have a hand mid-air or anything. He wouldn’t ask though, and soon push the little stuff away as the other came with a question first.

He would furrow his brows slightly. ‘’…not really. I don’t get into extreme situations often…’’ And this was only one of the choices he had anyway. It was the easiest that didn’t involve him leaving far for a while, nor hurting himself somehow, since both of those would probably have caused at least some sort of uproar which he did not wish to deal with. Mental fights with little outside help could be kind of tiring though, so he hoped he wouldn’t be stuck trying to get a grip often during this. He couldn’t tell right now. But hopefully, he’d be good for a while unless something came up to shatter things again. He was able to cope by himself more or less pretty decently as long as he had a bit of time available, but it could wear him down immensely if he had to do it too much. After all, most of it was more of a temporary fix, rather than permanent. This probably wouldn’t even be happening were it the latter.

Moving on for now. Well, he was not one to give up easily. And he’s had a lot worse than just a few burns already, so this was far from the worst type of scenario. He had a thing against pretentious people anyway. Nobody is perfect and all that. The people who tried to present themselves as mini-royalty, and look like they are the greatest ever to get you to like them just made him scoff. Your ass is probably the only perfect thing, that’s what. Figuratively, that is. Buying people’s bullshit was typically not on his activity list. At least be honest about both the good and the bad, if you want to parade yourself around.

‘’Hmmmm….?’’, he would make a faint hum sound when the demon moved closer, but not do much else seeing as he wasn’t trying to squish the guy or anything like that. He’d let the other decide how close, since he wasn’t really feeling particular about that at the moment. Whatever works, right? When the other spoke, he would snort lightly. ‘’I don’t know if I even can. I’ve disliked people before to an extent, but I can’t really hold onto hate. It’s more like an…in the moment thing that goes away later, if someone gives me a reason to be mad at them in the first place. And my ways of dealing with things are probably not always aligned with what is considered normal, so I guess I can’t complain about people thinking something else than I am about my own actions.’’ It was how he was, and well, in regards to most people, he didn’t even care so much. It wasn’t a problem unless he was actually trying to get somewhere, which was pretty rare for him. He did not rush into relationships at all if he could help it.

The rest though…


It wasn’t going to be as simple and easy as that. Thinking about the bad things was something he would normally avoid at great lengths, since it rarely ever meant something good. Well, it was better when he did it on purpose, but it was still highly preferable to just not bother with certain stuff. He would sigh, pressing his free hand against the upper half of his face slightly. ‘’My head hurts from this. How important is it what exactly? I do not really enjoy recalling unpleasant memories, and I’m not quite eager to risk ending up with useless nightmares tonight, especially since I’m staying over.’’ That would be the last thing he wanted to willingly subject himself to. If it happened by itself, he’d deal with it, but why would he push it on purpose? ‘’It’s not even…I mean, I understand what this is. I just don’t know what to call it.’’, he would shake his head a bit. ‘’We can…talk about these things more if you want, but I’d…really prefer to not have to detail my past right here and now. I don't even know how much I could remember on spot. I’m not sure how that would end. One thing at a time, maybe?’’ He wasn’t trying to come off as if he was completely refusing to cooperate, seeing as that was not his goal. Just…maybe take it a bit slower? This seemed like a rather abrupt jump right into the middle of things….and well, after the situational stress they already went through today, it would likely not be the best of ideas. He did pretty well at handling himself, but he wasn’t that reckless. He didn’t know what would or could happen, since he normally did not let himself fall into a hole as deep as this one. And he sure didn’t come over mentally prepared for a therapy lesson or such….

Trust was indeed a special thing and peculiar thing. It took time and hard work to gain and then even more work to maintain. When things were going smoothly the work was not hard. It was easy to bounce off of a friend/partner and not worry about this or that screwing things up. It was easy to relax and let what happened, happen with the knowledge that no matter what happened the one you were with would understand and if a struggle did occur that together you and the other could push through. Trust was a powerful and precious thing once gained, but how did one gain it when each party had different views on the matter or even some past issues that made it that much harder to give or take it?  Trust...it was a strange and complex matter between the two males that were now together and while they managed to hold it somewhat together the fact that trust was not fully there did make itself known in the struggles that occurred until finally it came to whatever this situation was. Question was now that they were on the edge of this cliff of oddness could they indeed learn one another or were they doomed to not make it very far. Time...Time had the answers...and so they had to wait for time tell.

That aside the first part of things went by smoothly enough with the demon agreeing to work on the communication piece on his end. He wasn’t to sure what to do or if he would remember at all times, but at least until something better came along he would do his best to remember that more than sounds were needed until perhaps the other came to understand him better. Though whether that would change things or not was another matter, but the demon didn’t dig to deeply there as kept himself more or less content with stroking the other’s hair for a few more moments before stopping….and having to deal with the whole spazz/seizure/reality check thing?  

He wasn’t even sure what to call that, but he knew it was unnerving to see due to the fact that it was unnatural, but even more so than that seeing the guy spazz out like that tugged at some things that the demon thought long since buried. It scared him and made him want to back away, but he didn’t. Couldn’t. No. No more running. He was scared for various reasons, but he couldn’t run from everything even less so when he was truly trying his best to understand and work with the guy before him. He had asked him out and while they had been with each other for a short time, this whole event didn’t really feel like a dating in the normal since. They did not go in this knowing each other making for a smooth transition, instead it was more like an arranged marriage - you know where two people were placed together knowing nothing of each other and then pretty much told to make it work? Granted this wasn’t that extreme and either could back out at any time, but still the situation was similar. He didn’t want to back out so he took the silences and even the spazzing the best way he could until it all came to a calm and the other looked at him with a blink as he took notice of his positioning which he relaxed shortly after.

To the response given, the demon would look back over at the other as he tilted his head slightly. “Extreme situations,” he would repeat back softly and then smiling lightly he would nod. “Well let’s hope we don’t change that to often.” It was a very gentle poke and not one with any malice intent behind it. He honestly didn’t like seeing the other like that and so would be very happy to avoid such situations in the future. Though.. he wonder if more of these occurrences would happen before they got through with what they needed to speak with now. A worrisome thought for sure, but one that he did not let scare him away from what was occurring.

In any case, scary moments would pass and settle into something a bit smoother as the other got a grip on himself and in turn laid some of the fears that Rika had in regards to him being well himself at ease. It was amazing really what that simple action of hugging did, but it helped ease a good chunk of pressure that was within. Sure there were still some things within that bothered the demon, but at least in comparison to the larger fear that had been hanging about these other things seemed manageable. It made it easier for him to relax a bit and even return the snuggle in his own way, even if he had to first be a bit wiggly to get comfortable. Regardless in time, he had settled in the other’s arms content enough to stay close as he first rubbed the other’s chest as he examined the scarring there and spoke.

To the other’s snort and response, the demon would smile faintly at what was heard as he shifted slightly to rest his head against the other’s chest. “Well, I suppose you are better than I am in that department. Like I don’t hold onto hate or anything myself, but I do hold onto pain and what I hear….I’ve done it so long it is bit strange to actually try and let that go. It’s bit unnerving even when you’ve pretty much told me it is okay. Not too worry….” Old habits did die hard, so the saying went and to be honest that rang true with the demon. While he did indeed want to trust the other’s words and just let go, the process was no simple task for him made complicated due to his own experiences and his mental state. It would take some work, but at least being where he was now showed the demon was at least trying. Trying to let go and trust again...even if it was killing him to do so at the moment. Regardless of internal struggles, he would continue to rest in the other’s arms.  As the conversation went into waters even more challenging than this.

He would ask his question and as for the response given? Well….

“It is not super important. I mean I don’t think it's going to break anything not knowing though, I suppose I just wanted to know a bit of where you came from to understand you better is all.” It was a tricky matter to be sure, rating the past as important or not important. To some it was highly important since it was indeed a piece of the person who it involved; however, for Rika the matter was 50/50. Yes he would like to know more about the other to understand him better, but on the other hand, the past was the past. Even though he had issues with his own and had some letting go issues to boot when it came his own personal matters, he did not believe that the past made the person before him alone. It was just another piece to make the puzzle whole is all, so if he did not get the information that is fine. Besides…

The demon would shift in his spot to slip his arm under the other’s as he embraced the guy back making sure to leave enough space to not be smooshed and to be able to talk with ease. As he did this he would he would hear what the other said and in time respond back.

“Well, I am not going to demand you tell me if you don’t want to. Even less so if it is that bad that it can give you nightmares and such. I don’t exactly want to worry about you falling out of bed or something due to them,” the demon would say as he glanced up at the other with a small smile trying to bring a tad bit of light within this otherwise very heavy and dark subject matter they were in; however, whether the other bite or not was another matter. Anyway, he would become serious shortly after as he let out a small hum of in regards to the rest of what the other said.

“One step at a time? Alright,” Rika would say as with a light nod not seeming to take the push back badly. Perhaps it was a sign he wasn’t as overly emotional or sensitive as he seemed...or maybe despite not having all the details he understood the need for space and time. It was hard to say, but perhaps did not matter in the end. However, what did matter a bit was the topic at hand. In fact, the demon would look down at the other’s chest as his eyebrows furrowed a bit and he asked his next question.

“Though... if we are going to go further into what you have…. how do you propose we approach this thing without a name?” he would finish by looking back up at the other curious about how to go about this since he was quite unsure where his boundaries were and what was too much at one time….

Well, it was true that they did not know each other all too well. That wasn’t always the deciding factor however, seeing as they managed to get pretty far despite that. While they may have not been able to accomplish that with someone else even if they knew that person for a longer time period. Time tends to indeed help, but it doesn’t always turn out to be the most important factor of them all. It would likely come down to how they faced each other, rather than just for how long they kept each other company. You could be with someone for months and still barely know a thing about them, which would technically be no better than what they had now. A quick pace was perhaps slightly harder on the nerves, but if they could handle it, it could end up being just fine.

‘’It’s…..Well, that probably wasn’t the best way to call it. That wasn’t even really bad. Though, I usually do fine if you give me a moment, so you don’t need to worry much in most situations.’’ Even when it looked off, he was typically able to deal with it on his own. He wasn’t going to die from this, even if he somehow did end up having a much worse moment though. It wasn’t like getting a heart attack or such, so he was more or less fine. It would sadly cause a halt to things however, so that was that, in case they did happen to run into more serious walls. He hoped he wasn’t that bad though.

Nevertheless, they would soon move on from that little episode, and actually settle with some sort of cuddling for the time being. How long that would last was unknown, but for the time being, it was definitely one of the better ways things could be heading. ‘’…I’m not sure whether I would label that as a great thing. Hate is one matter….but I think I often do that with any sort of emotion. I react more to what is happening in the moment rather than thinking about previous instances we’ve already had. I mean…I do talk about them, but words are words. They don’t always need to carry emotional depth in them….’’ He could have problems acknowledging a happy moment too at times. Like, he would be aware it happened at some point, but not necessarily be able to draw onto the feeling in the future. It was kind of on and off. Sometimes it worked out, but sometimes it just didn’t. He could thus be rather paradoxical with his reactions to situations. Not always, but there was certainly no denying that trying to figure out a set pattern for him would be very hard to do. Oddness.

Hmm. Well technically, in some cases, the past can matter a lot. People become who they are based on their previous experiences, no? Sure, basic personality may be a staple, but one’s life sure does shape them further. It can be hard to say just how much it matters. It’s something that probably depends on each person individually. He would be quiet at first, only giving a few blinks. Though he would make a move to respond when the other spoke a second time. ‘’Some things could be. But I don’t really have too much control over my dreams in the end anyway.’’ They weren’t the most conscious thing after all, so while he could take measures to maybe prevent them, no method was a complete guarantee of anything. Sadly. He would proceed to pull a momentary long face at what came next. How to answer to that….? He wasn’t sure whether there was a specific approach to take, and he wouldn’t even really want to force some sort of restriction rule upon the other.

‘’I…..’’ Well, fuck there. He was honestly kind of stumped. What could he say? He would give a somewhat exasperated sight after a moment, closing his eyes. ‘’I don’t think I have an actual answer to that.’’ There was no way he’s be able to put things into the right words to a point where it would give the demon an actually stable framework to work with. He could try to talk about some things, but he didn’t think he could teach the guy well in this regard. Sometimes, he himself wasn’t quite sure what he wanted. But….

‘’There….are some things I would like you to know though….’’ Not that it would be easy super easy to formulate himself there, or to even talk about it, but he felt like he at least owed it to the guy to come up with something. Seeing how he was kind of dodging a lot of the questions that were being thrown his way. Not intentionally for the most part, but he tended to work better when he could talk about things at his own pace. Suddenly coming up with an answer to a question like that was not only extra pressure on top of what his mind was already giving him, but often also hard if it wasn’t something he knew how to address the right way. ‘’I can’t guarantee how this is going to come out….but, listen to me for a while…?’’ That was all he could request of the other at this point.

Regardless of the answer given, he would try to say something anyway eventually. Besides, the other wanted some answers, yes? He doubted the guy would suddenly turn around and be like nope when information was offered on its own. ‘’I’m…not really sure what to even say but….I guess I’m..sorry for how I act sometimes. I know I’ve not…always been the nicest to you when we had..conversations about matters of this kind. I never meant to make you feel like I hated you or anything….I just…I think I tend to get defensive when faced…with things I don’t know how to really deal with…I don’t think I’m good enough to do it well anyway….’’, he would shake his head slightly. ‘’I suppose…things have always been that way. I’ve…always had to do things the way it was expected of me if I wanted anyone to really like me. If I didn’t, I guess I was just trouble to them. I hated it…I still do, but I can’t really seem to stop trying to do things that way…or just attempting to run away by not dealing with it the way I should. I’m sure…you wondered why I had so much issue with you only using sounds and such…It’s…I end up on edge because I don’t feel sure that I’m not messing up…and well, you do sometimes get obviously distraught by things I do, which just makes me feel really bad…and it just goes in circles it seems…’’ And perhaps for both of them? ‘’I know it’s not right…I honestly fucking hate letting people control my actions…but I somehow always end up not being able to do anything else. I don’t know if I should be surprised though…you know how you’re all about hugs and I don’t always get it…? I can’t…even really remember ever getting hugged before all this. To be honest, a lot of my memories are kind of blurry anyway…’’, he would pause a bit to take a breath. He was trying to keep himself together, but this wasn’t easy. He was a little shaky actually, and being as close as the other was, he would most likely notice it.

He would attempt to make an amused snort, but it would come out more as a sad fail than anything else. ‘’Heh….sometimes I wonder why I did this….I usually avoid getting close to people. It’s..a lot easier to stay away from all the stress that way. Not that I hate anyone…but it’s just tough. I’ve honestly even conceded to the fact that I would probably be better off not dating anyone. I have too much trouble forming good relationships with people in general…and I don’t quite want to drag everyone down with me…You though….I think when you asked before…’’, he would pause for a moment. ‘’Well fuck, I can’t even remember what exactly I told you anymore. Probably something along the lines of finding you interesting and all though. I think the main reason is something else however…I’ve never been on the most pleasant terms with anyone….outside of one. It’s really the only good memory I can recall. He was a demon, like you. I feel…like that’s why I was compelled to give it a try at that moment. And now we’re here somehow….’’, he would give a strained laugh.

The slow road or the quick road? Was there really a right or wrong choice when it came to these in life. Sure one could go slow and pick up all the pieces. See all the things, figure out most of the paths, but at the end of the day still had nothing to show for it. The same could be said of the quick road which could reveal little and yet give so much. The two roads and their pros and cons. When separated neither was too appealing, but people often times choose one on the other; however, Rika decided a long time ago to choose a different path. A path right down the middle where sometimes things moved quickly and at other times they slowed down. This middle path was chaotic and even more shifty than the former two, but at the same time it was also the road that best suited life that was equally all over the place. This middle road...it had many results it could reveal, but which it would reveal for the pair now was indeed the question. Perhaps this would go horribly wrong or maybe turn out into something beautiful. It was hard to say, even more so with the state they were in; however, despite the struggle Rika held onto small sliver of hope and just did the best he could with whatever was happening here.

Regardless of internal workings and thoughts, the demon would remain where he was as he listened to the other’s words before speaking. “Alright. I’ll keep that in mind for next time,” he would say, his words calm and laced with understanding as he gave the other a small smile and a nod. Despite the display, he suppose everyone had a point where they became so frustrated that they did or said things that weren’t their usual or at least somewhat expected behaviors. He probably had some moments like that too, but thankfully none had shown themselves yet…. That aside though, the pair would eventually draw close to each other creating a unexpected cuddle bundle as they continued to talk. The cuddling did help the demon calm some and in turn helped him think clear as he stayed within that warm embrace. As for what he heard….

“It’s hard to say if it is a great not….but I don’t think that labeling it is truly that important. I mean...we both have some traits that are questionable and in a way opposite in nature. However...I...I think that may be good. Perhaps the differences can mix together and make a whole to speak. Help each other see where the other can’t...that sort of thing.” Well derp words. Why did it have to be so hard to formulate these thoughts into words. In his head, the wording was purrfect, but now saying it out loud they seemed to him rather butchered and strained. It made him wonder if the meaning behind that was lost or if the other would actually be able to read between the all the jumble and see that what he was saying was that it was okay. They both had their flaws and well, he was accepting these flaws and differences and in turn doing his best to find ways to make these random pieces work together. He had to try or else things would indeed not end well and maybe even fall apart...results the demon did not want to occur, especially after making it this far.

Letting that be what it would things would move into small silences as the demon tried to explain the past bit, but perhaps did not do a good job of it? He wasn’t sure. Like he wasn’t dismissing the past or saying it wasn’t apart of the way someone was built up or turned out, but in the end it didn’t have to be the center of everything either. The past was something that fell into a boat where only the individual it belonged to had the right to give or not give. Even if he was curious to know things, the demon didn’t poke in places he felt his nose didn’t belong. Maybe on calmer shores and with a different atmosphere, he might’ve poked lightly, but here and now? No. The price for answers wasn’t worth it in the demon’s mind, so he let it sit as it was until his attention was drawn to the other once more as he spoke. “No. We unfortunately can’t control what happens upstairs most of the time.” He would agree with his simple statement. Dreams, thoughts, and sometimes even actions. When it got to certain level within the brain even the usual mechanics in the brain that helped a person function would fail and stuff just went along with the stronger strings. Sometimes these moments developed into things that appeared in your sleep and other times they appeared as anxiety attacks or some other odd behavior someone had in regards to x thing. The mind was a strange and fragile thing, but a topic Rika put on a shelf for later pickings as things changed as the other reacted to his next question.

To the long face and answer, the demon would let out a small hum of thought and was on the edge of thinking on a solution to the problem when the other did an unexpected thing.

“Hm?” the demon would tilt his head at the other as before blinking a bit and giving a light nod. “Sure…” he would say quite curious what was up and when the other began to speak some time later? The demon would be quiet as he listened and when the other finished, the demon would frown slightly as his mind whirled a bit.

“Sharaku I…” he trailed off the words that were there failing to come out or line up correctly. So it was with a sigh that the demon shifted his weight a bit so he could some how get even closer to the other despite their lying down position. As he moved, the arm that was wrapped around the other would tug on him in hops to pull him closer though how effective that was uncertain. Regardless of what happened there, the demon would hold the other slightly tighter in his arms, letting the trembles from the other absorb into his calmer body. He had so much he wanted to say, but as his hand went stroke the other’s hair, the words that came out of his mouth were quite different.

“I don’t think there is anything wrong...with the way you do things. I understand following the rules, trying to conform...I’ve done myself time and time again. I admit, I don’t understand alot of things that you do, but perhaps that is because you are something new for me I just haven’t adapted too. I don’t...want you to conform to anything. I know it can be frustrating when dealing with me considering I am a polar opposite of you and honestly I am not too sure if that will get better, but even so…. I...I just want you the way you are flaws and all,” he would say as his grip tightened slightly on the other. “Heh. I find it ironic. We are similar in our worries and fears and yet up to this point we have both been running away without knowing it; however, I think...perhaps this okay. Perhaps the reason you gave in to my request and I have fought so hard is because...maybe in the end, we kind of need each other in a way, if that makes any sense,” he would say before falling silent to just hold the other, as he rested his head against the other’s shoulder as he stared at the wall opposite of him with a slight frown. He wasn’t even sure if his message was clear or not or if something would get lost in translation. It was worrisome, but he could not get his words to come out even better than that. If he tried they would probably be butchered even more.  

Well it was out there now, so he supposed he’d wait to see what happened. Though after a while, he would speak again. “.....You said there was only one. You got along with well….we are similar there too. Except mine was human instead. Interesting how the roads twist back on each other sometimes….”

Well, he probably wasn’t going to be directly responding to everything. To be honest, he wasn’t in the state of mind to maintain neverending conversations on every subject right now. It was a pain to think hard on an answer just to keep a talk going, really. It wasn’t always worth it to agonize over everything. He would sigh at the comment on labels though. ‘’I don’t know about you….but I’d be inclined to think that…if you need someone else to even help you look the other way, something about what you normally do probably is not the greatest…whether you choose to label it or not…’’ It wasn’t that he didn’t understand the point, but he wasn’t exactly the most accepting of the ‘we can just believe it is all technically okay and meant to be this way’ spiel. At the end of the day, what does that do for you anyway? He had no problem accepting that something was not okay. Isn’t that where you start? If you acknowledge that something might need changing, or that you need help, does that not mean something is indeed not entirely okay? People normally don’t change themselves just because someone close to them is opposite of them and all that. Nevertheless, despite what he had said, his tone didn’t sound upset or such. He kind of got the meaning, as much as the wording used didn’t quite make the biggest impact itself.

That said, more silence would pass over them afterwards, as he opted to not really speak up again. When there’s nothing relevant to add, then there’s just nothing. Of course, there’s always something if one tries hard enough, but there’s no point if it’s something that only drags things out unnecessarily. Besides, there was more important stuff to touch upon coming up right after. Such as talks about potentially sensitive stuff.


He wouldn’t resist the extra hugging and all, though his expression did seem somewhat troubled for a while. Assuming the other could even see his face clearly in that position anyway. Regardless, he did have a brief war against himself if nothing else. Half of him was okay with this, while the other half of his mind was more in favor of not wanting to be held down like this. It wasn’t really the hug itself though. He just tended to get rather uneasy and all in situations where it felt like being trapped somewhere. Luckily for the other however, he was currently able to reason with himself well enough for this to not become a major fail. It did cause a momentary internal struggle, but he would manage to shove the disturbing thoughts away after a brief moment, focusing on the words being said meanwhile instead.

‘’…..hmmn. I’m..not sure I know any better though. If all I really do is run or put on faces daily, then I’m basically never myself. I guess the question comes down to…who am I?’’ Things can be complicated after all. ‘’How do you know when are you really being yourself when things are like this?’’ He kind of wondered, to be honest. Past some point, it becomes pretty hard to differentiate between what is just a response out of habit, and what is truly you. After all, even a normal person worries here and there, and all that stuff. You can’t always say that whoever does that is not themselves, because then nobody would be. Yet, it doesn’t work the other way either, now does it? The line can become blurry for some people. How does someone like that figure what is real and what isn’t necessarily?

He would shift slightly in the brief pause that followed, trying to figure out where to put the arm he didn’t have around the other at the moment. Full hugging was kind of tough when lying on sides, since that would mean one’s bottom arm would get laid on by the other person, which isn’t comfortable for very long. For the time being though, he would just keep it bent and rest the forearm against the demon’s chest. Hmm. He would stare ahead a bit, seeing as he couldn’t see face to face with the guy with Rika on his shoulder like that.

And he didn’t have to..respond to everything that is. While it did help to hear verbal responses, Rika wasn’t one to demand talking when honestly none was needed or would just come out forced or strained anyway. It was true he was the more talkative of the pair and even made up random shit when bored enough, but even so he didn’t do these things to annoy and he knew when it was best not to display such behaviors anyway. Now was one of those times, so when there was silence between the demon took those moments to continue to try to stay calm and push down lingering fears. It was a struggle, but the demon was managing for now and would soon have something else to focus on as the other responded to the words on labels.

“Never said it was….I just said I don’t see the need for labels. A label is just that a name. It doesn’t define what the issues. Doesn’t help you solve it. Maybe it makes it easier to speak on it, but outside of that? It is nothing special….that’s why I see no need for them and much rather tackle the source head on rather than trying to run around it with names and such. It kind of helps when you have another there...with a different view...at least...at least that’s what I think when it comes to the big picture...”

He wasn’t trying to sweep problems away or even go down the path of “let what happens happen.” No he understood that there were issues that at times needed to be faced head on rather than ignored. He understood that not everything done was right. He wasn’t saying that with his words and so had decided to try and clarify a bit, his tone soft and accepting of the other’s view while being gentle in delivering his own. He wasn’t trying to start a fight here. He honestly was just trying to talk...though whether the other would understand that was another matter.  He wasn’t exactly being the most clear or elegant here, so who knows...he just prayed whatever message the other did get out of this wasn’t bad...and maybe it wasn’t since he hadn’t been bitten yet for it. So yay there he guessed and perhaps yay for what happened next too?

Sure there was some more silence to be added, but at least when he went to hug the other, the guy didn’t resist the action...a good thing considering he was unsure what else to do in the moment, but to comfort via closeness. He didn’t feel tension and thankfully was in a position where he did not catch that frown. If he had things might’ve turned out a different way than it had. Though….when it came to those words he heard, the demon was quiet for a moment as he held the other and thought. That was….

“...I am not sure how to answer that. I cannot tell you who you are, just as I cannot who I am or what side of me is real and not real. The lines….are blurred, but….I think...when we are most uncomfortable and all the things we usually fall on are taken away...i think in those moments we’re as close to who we really are than any other time….It’s hard to explain, but...that is how I view it. As for running and putting on faces….you don’t have to do anymore. I am not...going to bite you or scold you or try to make you something you’re not. Even if you’re uncertain of yourself...I just ask you to remain as genuine as possible and if you feel like running perhaps….it would help to say it out loud...that way maybe we can tackle whatever is making you want to run together….” He wasn’t sure. Wasn’t sure what to say or even what if there was a solution to the issue at hand. Maybe there was none, but he knew that the other couldn’t run or hide forever...and neither could he. So maybe if they could both stop running and actually face each other and the issues at hand then maybe things would turn out better? He honestly wasn’t sure, but let whatever came of that happen. As for the question, “I guess...we really can’t tell...even less so when you can’t even tell what this is….I mean. We’re here...we’re talking, but….are we really being a couple here or friends...or two strangers that just happened to be okay being vulnerable around each other...I don’t know….I just…” The demon would close his eyes at that one with a light sigh as he continued to rest against the other. This was indeed becoming more complicated than he expected. How did it end up like this and why? He just didn’t get it…..but he supposed it was what it was, so he was going to have to just adapt to darkness and being unable to tell where he was going. It was scary to be honest, but he kept pushing forward, kept trying despite it all.

From here there would be silence again the demon barely moving when the other shifted and rested his forearm against his chest. He didn’t mind the positioning or the action and for a while he would just remain holding the other. That was until he was asked a question that is. Red eyes that had been closed would open as he stared at the wall across the room for a few seconds quiet as he debated about answering that. Then settling on a decision, he would let out a soft sigh before shifting a bit so that he wasn’t snuggling the guy as closely as the hand that was around the guy before shifted to hold the arm that rest against his chest, shifting slightly to free his other arm from under his own body that hand would slip to wrap around the other’s hand, he would take a moment to intertwine his fingers with the other as his eyebrows furrowed a bit with thought as he spoke.

“Demons...do have their own communities. Their own systems and rules….rules that I…” his corner of his lip would twitch a bit as he kept his eyes on their hands versus the other’s face. This was a trouble spot for him considering it was a bit painful to tell...especially after so long, but he tried anyway to form the words and explain. He would shake his a bit to try and clear it before opening his mouth again. “....I am not favored by demons….nor am I favored by humans. I am… not exactly a pure blood. Despite my looks and abilities….I do have some human in me. My mother….was a demon, but my father a human...they fell in love despite the rules and the warnings. They tried to keep it secret, but….in the end it didn’t work out so well. Humans and demons tore them apart, leaving me alone...to die...most did not want to bother with me. I wasn’t human, I wasn’t demon. I was just this thing that was hated due to existing...I am not sure….how I even lived through most of childhood...I was always prisoner or slave….but somehow I just...continued to live on...even when my body was giving up on the idea... I still wanted to live...wanted to have a right like everyone else did to live. It was a...human that saved me from my despair...saved me and taught me that it wasn’t all that bad….that even if i was what I was...I still had a chance at life, friends, love...I just had to find the right sort of folk..that could accept me for me. Those people I found were typically humans...Humans I  found were much more opened minded and adaptable than demons. Not all them are bad, but...of the two demons are a lot more set in their ways, so...I stuck around human because it was...just better that way….”

He would trail off there unable to go on as a pained expression crossed his face. He was a bit nerve wrecked due telling that, even more so because he wasn’t sure how the other would react to him now that he knew he wasn’t a full blood demon. The other had stated that he was compelled to try because he was demon, a thing that wasn’t a lie, but also not a truth either. How would the other react to that information...and would he nope it now that that was in the air? The demon honestly didn’t know, but he couldn’t get himself to look up at the other either as he kept his eyes locked on their hands, he was trembling slightly from the thoughts within, but he was at least trying to keep a brave face and be honest here…..

Eh? ‘’I think I’m getting lost with this…I was originally just referring to things being on the scale of good and bad. What do labels have to do with it all in the first place…? Unless you want to say that even something as simple as stating that a thing isn’t really good is a worthless label. I’m not going to waste time on creating pointless labels only but…what is wrong with having a name for something anyway? I would think knowing what kind of stuff they are dealing with usually helps people remain committed…and besides, sometimes you need to know instead of poking at it blindly…’’ He was just getting confused over this at this point. Nor did he really get it. Solve it, sure, but how do you solve something properly without naming it in the first place? He wasn’t for sitting around and just doing complaining and name calling, no, but he wouldn’t think it was so unnecessary as long as you did go and do shit about it once you settled on your decisions? Sometimes it can be reassuring to have a so called ‘label’ to refer to. Rather just going ‘yeah, some shit’, while trying to figure out a solution to the problem at hand. Nevertheless, he was kind of responding for the sake of responding at this point, since they were kind of starting to veer off the original topic. He wasn’t trying to fight about it, just stating his opinion on the matter. In his own way….at least. Hopefully, this wouldn’t go where it shouldn’t, since useless arguments were the last thing he wanted on his hand right there and then…

Moving on for the time being though, the hug matter would pass over smoothly enough. It wasn’t that this kind of comfort was a bad idea. It actually worked fairly well in the right situations. Just could be slightly tricky if one tried to squeeze too close/tight without a prior warning. This time, he didn’t get jumpy about it, but one can never know. In many cases, it was perhaps even better to let him be the one to start hugs. Things tended to sail better and more smoothly when it was on his own decision, however, that of course couldn’t be done each and every time. Even less so considering the fact that their base standard on frequency of cuddling was not really the same. One way or another, it was likely for the better that the other didn’t manage to notice. This would pass soon enough, and they did not need another matter to be squirming about. Everything has its time and place anyway.

‘’…………………..I think I don’t really like that idea. It doesn’t seem like a good thing. If what…you said was true…wouldn’t that just suggest we have to make ourselves uncomfortable and feel like shit to best show our real selves? I think almost no one would want that to be on their daily to do list.’’ Well, things were a little odd indeed. He seemed to be lingering somewhere between confusion and exasperation for the moment. He had nothing against the guy, no. What he did though, was have some problems understanding at times. They definitely had a different outlook on most things, and it sure showed pretty clearly here and there. ‘’I don’t…urgh, anyway. That wasn’t necessarily…what I meant. You keep telling me it’s fine to stop doing those things…but I’m just saying that I can’t always even tell I’m actually doing it. It’s not that simple…how the fuck am I supposed to attempt being genuine all the time, when I sometimes don’t know whether I really am or not…?’’, he would shake his head slightly, trying to not let himself get too aggravated for not reason. It wasn’t even that bad or anything, but guess this whole stressful situation was making his mood go out of whack way more easily than normally. He could swing pretty hard when things weren’t stable enough. ‘’..I think…running is a little subjective in itself. People use it as…a means of defense, yes? Maybe sometimes, it is the best way….That’s not to say it’s okay all the time though….’’ He knew the guy didn’t mean anything bad by it, but sometimes things were harder than that. He didn’t know what was he supposed to respond with. There was no way he could just promise to speak about everything openly right away like this, since he would most likely fail at doing that the way was expected of him. Nor did he want to seem rude and say no, because that wasn’t exactly what he wanted either. Frankly, he hated expectations sometimes….

‘’…………? What does that even….? I wasn’t saying anything about us…and the hell’s it matter what we are for this anyway? Is this supposed to happen really differently based on that…?’’ No what. He was really confused at this point. His question had nothing to do with their relationship status, and he had no idea why was the demon bringing that into its equation all of a sudden. Even if it supposedly mattered…he kinda…didn’t care? Not in that sense at least. Whatever they were…it’s not like it determined some extra rules about how should they speak to each other right now, did it?


He was getting kind of agitated though, and the other would likely be able to tell. This wasn’t really good. With a faint frown, he would take a deeper breath. ‘’….Ngh…I..sorry. I guess I’m still a bit out of it. I’m not sure what’s with these mood swings…I hope you won’t take this too badly….’’ That’s not what he wanted after all. He was just having a hard time staying completely calm right now. Well, he managed to get himself out of depressive mode decently enough….and now this apparently. Where’s the finish line though?

Speaking of which, the route would take another sharp turn soon afterwards. He would blink, furrowing his brows slightly when the other moved due to his question. He wouldn’t protest however, letting the guy hold his hands, as confused as he was about what was up now. Nevertheless, he had asked his question, so he would listen to the answer provided. And well…he honestly wasn’t sure what to think of that. Like a lot of the things that have been brought up during these conversations. Maybe he was just confused too easily, or maybe he simply needed to find a way to calm down completely. Whether that was even possible, that is. Today was definitely being extremely chaotic. Nevertheless, the one thing he knew was that this was helping in pissing him off. Perhaps that was it though. He usually avoided getting actually mad at things, but maybe that wasn’t always the best way to go.

Either way, was the other good at picking up on things, it would be quite easy to sense anger from him. He would snort under his breath slightly, his eyes narrowed. ‘’You know…anyone and everyone will be an asshole if they want to be. If you ask me….I think that in the end, race matters for crap. Humans will judge others based on things like that too. Be it age, class or gender differences in relationships for example. I think it’s no better on either side of reality. Only if you’re lucky and meet someone who’s actually good. It depends more on the individual than what they are though. Both demons and humans can be the crappiest people you’ll ever meet. You probably shouldn’t limit yourself to certain places based on which side appears to be better from initial experiences. Considering how societies seem to work these days, I feel like it’s one and the same eventually, wherever you choose to run and hide at, so all we do is limit ourselves anyway. Weren’t the people who did those experiments on you and the blonde guy humans after all..?’’ Who’s better and who’s worse? That question probably had no real answer. It was indeed true that the guy being a demon did play a role in why he agreed to this on spot…but that was just a moment of sentiments, in a way. He knew it didn’t have to matter a ton when it came to the kind of person one was. If nothing else though, he could say he was somewhat drawn to the unusual. So there was that. All normal humans had was magic tricks maybe. They couldn’t do the things demons could naturally. That was also one of the reasons why he was more inclined to hang around a demon. It was less….mundane. For him at least. When it came to who he ended up liking however….it had little to do with what they were. And he wasn't going to defend anyone, even if they were his own kind...

….aand that was that? Despite his pissy and fiery mood, he didn’t mean anything bad. These types of matters were just apt to get him over the edge more easily, and his mood was already fluctuating more swiftly due to all the stressing and chaos of feelings happening…

The things that happened due to wording, man. “That...wasn’t exactly what I meant. I know things at times need a name to better address the topic, I guess I was more speaking on labels that were used to just sweep the issue away rather than call it by its name and face is all. Perhaps that would’ve been easier to say than what I did.” The demon would shake his head at that one wondering why it was so hard to just formulate simple things. Why did he have to say so much and then kind of play tug of war to get the simple result in the end. It was annoying sometimes….being unable to get his shit upstairs together and actually say it out loud. It made him very confusing he was sure….and probably not very pleasant since he had to change and adapt things to get clarity. He wondered if it made him look like he was lying on something. Or maybe...you know what let’s just stop thinking that and come back to the present. He was already doing a fine job digging holes without self-criticism adding onto the matter. In any case, despite the words the demon didn’t seem to be taking what was heard too badly on the outside, so that was a plus as he kept his cool more or less given the circumstances.

Mental bashing aside, it would seem at least the cuddling went on without too much trouble despite how the pair viewed the matter differently, so the demon was able to more or less remain as chilled as he could be under emotional stress as the conversation went on and then somehow began to fall into more complicated territory as the idea of self came up.

“Well...no not all the time...I just meant we seem to grow and reveal more ourselves when we are most out of our comfort zone is all. We are bare in those moments and so our true selves in a way….I suppose it can be countered with other things, but that is just way I see things...It is not as bad as it seems...and is actually more layered than that….I don’t know if I can explain it clearer than that though…” And this is why the demon kept his mouth shut on these matters and just wrote it down on paper or turned into some form of art that could express what he felt in its purest chaotic form. Trying to form into words and share what he believed in was always something that made him feel rather odd. Like his opinion wasn’t good enough even more so when the other party was pretty firm. He wasn’t a debater by base and did better listening and observing rather than speaking in these forms of arena. When he did speak, he just felt….dumb really and that his points were pointless….It was indeed a strange thing, but he had tried….and now kind of wish he didn’t. Maybe it was best to leave these sorts of things alone...a point that seemed to become even truer the further this one went.

“That’s not what..…” the demon would begin, but then would shut up and shake his head a bit. The words he wanted to say refusing to line up properly. So with a sigh, he would sigh inwardly as he spoke again. “...I...i don’t know….Genuine in itself is very subjective and changes depending on the viewer...so I can’t answer that…” Who could really? That was honestly a question that was defined in many ways depending on how the one viewing it examined it and in turn came to their own conclusions on the meaning of such things. As for that running comment, boy oh boy did he want to do that right about now. He wanted to just pick himself up and go under the bed or lock himself in the bathroom or something. Anything to get away from this very strong, heavy, frightening thing. He didn’t want to face it or what it was making him feel, even less so in front of another, but he had too...They both had to. If either ran now  when things were not exactly there best then how were they going to survive later on if they did manage to stay together and actually continue to be together?

It was a question that plagued the demon, but he did his best to just deal with it and not run as he managed o get his lips to part and speak. ”Well...yes….Yes...I suppose that is true,” the demon would respond back his voice seeming to become quieter and quieter by the more he tried to talk. He seemed to be struggling with keeping it together, but he fought onward even when the other seem agitated and snappy. He was trying to tell himself it wasn’t necessarily him that was doing it, but it was hard making yourself believe that when most of the time you saw yourself as the source of most fuck ups. The battle was hard and physically was uncomfortable and hurt, but...the demon kept fighting and did what he could to not cry due to pressure. He...didn’t want to do that. Didn’t want the other to think he had done anything wrong...because in the end he hadn’t. Even if his mood was not the best, he was just talking and on topics that were pretty tough and upsetting. The demon didn’t want things to shut down because of tears; however, that became very hard the more agitated the other seem to get.

To his words about relationship, the demon unconsciously flinched as grip tightened slightly with the action and then quickly began to loosen though he didn’t move away right away. His mind and body unsure of what exactly to do at that moment.  It was true that their status of their relationship didn’t matter for this conversation as a whole, but the demon kind of wanted to know what it was he had here. Was he fighting towards a partnership or nothing? He couldn’t tell and things like this didn’t make it any clearer where they were going with this. The words stung, but the demon tried to hide how much it did.  However, the strain of the matter did come out in his voice when he did manage to speak.

“It doesn’t matter….” he would say his tone a calm cracked whisper as he simply stared at the wall ahead of him blankly as he continued to fight against his nature to simply cry. He knew the cry would help and that holding it back would only exhaust and cause some minor issues for himself later, but he didn’t want to do that and come off as overly sensitive and...besides...crying never went well between them before so he was pretty sure it wasn’t going to do well now even more so when the other was already unpredictable. So while it hurt in a fashion he kept it in trying his best not to add more to this already chaotic bag of gasoline and gunpowder that remained pretty close to a flame. He just didn’t want to go places it shouldn’t. Didn’t want it to end like it always seem to go in a blow out. So he did what he could to try and remain strong in this storm...even if it was wearing him down bit by bit.

In any case, the demon became quiet after that his grip loosening even more as he backed slightly away from the other. When the guy apologized, the demon would give a weak smile at what he heard and shook his head.

“Nah...i understand this is stressful...so...you don’t have to apologize for what is happening...or be concerned about me...I’ll...i’ll live…” he would say as he looked up at the other with a tired smile, this was draining, but he still tried even if it did hurt like hell and put him in places he didn’t want to be in. He just took the beating….like he always did and perhaps once he recovered he’d be stronger for it. At least...he wasn’t running or shutting the matter down. Even when the matter turned to something painful and personal and the other seemingly actually got mad, the demon endured.

To the words said, the demon would listen with his eyes down cast for a while, but then when asked a question, he would somehow nod despite how troublesome this was.

“...I hear what you are saying….but I am unsure...I mean...yes demons and humans can be the worst. That fact won’t change….even still...telling me to stop running and hiding is like….trying to suddenly stop a train at full speed. I don’t….I don’t know how just unboxing myself is going to help….It just seems like more pain that way..and i am not sure...I can face that to be honest….As for what happened me and the other….yes humans did do this to us….but it was also a human that saved us too...I can’t explain my position on it. Half of me wants to tear them all up...and the other half doesn’t. Just let it be forgive….It's….complicated…” the demon would say with a sigh as his eyes remained downcast as he remained under the heated energy from the other.

He didn’t know how to be confident in himself. Sure he could fake it, but in the end? All he really knew how to do is submit to the one stronger than him….he hated it, but he honestly knew no other way to live in the world. If he left his box he got hurt or in trouble….so what was even the point in trying? He didn’t know and the matter frustrated him as he let his hands slip from the other’s as he shifted slightly on the bed for space to just curl up into a small ball.

He wasn’t trying to be a pain in the ass or make the other feel bad for what he did, he just...had no other way to react to whatever all this was….It was too much for the moment and he could not hold back the flood anymore. That’s right...he did it. He began to cry.

Damn it….This was not suppose to happen….And yet it did.

“...Sorry….” was all he could mutter as he curled even tighter hating himself for being such a crybaby about things and not being able to hold it together when he needed to. This probably wasn't going to translate too well to the other and maybe it might even come off as if the other couldn't say anything at all. When that was so far from the truth. He wanted to say something explain himself, but instead he just continued to cry silently. Fuck...Why? Just why?

‘’I just…don’t think about it. To each their own? A false label can still help some people in the long run. Maybe they just don’t know what its real name is, or need more time to come to face with the hard reality directly. As long as they eventually get off their ass and act on it, it’s still better than them completely ignoring its existence to begin with.’’ A half-assed label is better than no label and complete ignorance? If you’re sweeping something under the carpet, it means you are at least acknowledging that it is there and exists, which is a start too. Not the most ideal one, but some people perhaps need to take it as slow as that. It’s frustrating to see such behavior alright, but it is what it is, right?

He would hum faintly when the topic switched later as they were laying down together. ‘’Doesn’t change the fact that I don’t really like it. It could happen anywhere, and I’m not entirely pleased by the idea of possibly an entire crowd seeing things I don’t want them to because something happened to put me into an unpleasant spot. If anything, I’d rather choose when to show things by myself.’’ Well, he wasn’t trying to imply the other’s words were dumb or anything like that. But, he couldn’t always be agreeing for the sake of not making anyone feel bad about speaking up. Everyone was free to have their opinion after all, as long as they weren’t using that right to bash on someone unwarranted. He wasn’t necessarily the most into debating himself, but he could enjoy it more than the other it seemed. Depending on his mood in the moment of course, but he did like exchanging different points of view in most circumstances. It’s not like you’re immediately wrong if someone disagrees with you, no? That, and there would be nearly nothing to speak about if such matters were taboo. How long can you hold a conversation without bringing up different points of view…?

Nevertheless, those things weren’t even such a big issue, compared to what came next. Or better put, the series of instances that came one after another. ‘’…I wasn’t necessarily looking for the most correct answer….’’, he would trail off, swallowing down a sigh. It was true that he asked questions, but he didn’t always seek the perfect answer right away. Sometimes it feels good to just be able to bring it up, even when you don’t get a solution handed to you in return. He was honestly okay with the guy just giving his thoughts on the matter or such. Besides, isn’t that how holding a conversation works? No one knows an answer to everything, and a talk can’t always just die or shatter somehow because a question cannot be answered properly in the moment. And yes, he could come off pretty strong, but most of the time, he wasn’t trying to kick the other person down. He didn’t really know how to deal with people who would just bow their head down right away and shuffle away when they didn’t have the upper hand in the conversation or something like that…

Regardless…it was true that he was a bit agitated and all, but his mood/emotional state was something he couldn’t always control completely. He was a lot better at it than the other, but the fact he was capable of breaking down as well proved he was no master in the area. When it’s too much, it’s too much. And sadly, it didn’t help when he was faced with unpleasant decisions while in such a state. What was he meant to do, really? He didn’t get it. He wasn’t blind. He could see the guy was just pretending to be ok. But what? Was he meant to poke and prod the demon just to get the guy to admit he was not okay with this all somehow? Could he even? After all, if he was already intimidating the guy, pushing further would likely be a fucking disaster. Thus, he didn’t quite have any safe option in the matter, even less when he had no goddamn idea what the guy was trying to accomplish by pretending when it was pulled off as poorly as that anyway. He was going to know anyway…and what was he to think about it? Or do for that matter? Honestly? The whole ‘it’s so obvious but I’m going to try hiding away regardless’ was something that would irk him more than if the person simply went and put it on the table. It’s kinda like.....they torture you because it’s pretty much in complete view anyway, but also give hints that they aren’t willing to deal with it. And you’re stuck with either eating it up and pretending you’re not seeing it, or forcing them to spit it out and possibly feeling bad about having to do so…If that isn’t super agitating, then nothing is.

For the most of what happened there…he would just say nothing. Outside of maybe furrowing his brows slightly as he tried to make sense out of it all in his already somewhat trigger happy chaos inducing mind. He was trying to take this, but he couldn’t completely deny that the more this happened…the more it was starting to piss him off. They’ve already went through talking about these issues, even to this point. And the guy was still hell-bent on keeping his transparent charade anyway, as if it was helping anyone. It’s just…not going to work if you can’t even hide it in a way that makes it really hidden. At this rate, he was going to eventually snap simply because he was tired of playing that game over and over again, with no amount of confessing changing anything. It didn’t help that he was already leaning towards an angry mood as was. Luckily for the other, he was at least not provoked as easily as that, otherwise he might have attempted to just backhand the guy to put a stop to it all. As satisfying as that could be for a moment though, he knew it was wrong to use someone as an outlet just because he was getting pissed. And it’s not like such an action would solve any of the real problems there….


He had half a mind to say things when the other told him to not apologize and such, when that was so far from the problem at hand he didn’t even….Ugh. It was getting on his nerves. The guy was telling him before that it was okay to stop running and putting on faces, but someone apparently forgot to take their own advice first. It doesn’t come off all that great to be telling someone to do things, while you blatantly run from it yourself. It makes everything so much harder, really.

‘’More pain that way? To me, it seems like you’re no better the way you are now either. How can you know things won’t get better if you actually deal with them for once? You’re running…but what good does that do for you? You’re not happy anyway. Are you okay with being like this your whole life?’’, he would frown slightly. He could maybe agree with running being the better option in certain specific cases. However, it’s not good for shit when you’re doing bad that way too? Might as well face things and clear it up, even if it means enduring a bit more for a while. Still sounds better than signing yourself off to suffering for your entire life. At least fighting gives you a chance to beat it all once and for all.

He would sigh when the demon moved away to pretend being a ball. He was honestly at his wits end here. Staying silent didn’t really work. Talking didn’t quite work either in most cases, since it ended in this. It’s almost like…go pick, but neither option is going to truly work anyway. The corner of his lips would twitch when the other started apologizing and all that crap. He had to try really hard to not do something he would probably regret later on. Taking a deep breath, he would move as well, sitting up on the bed in a cross-legged position, facing the other. He would place his hands on the bed on each side of him with a faint exasperated sigh. Okay, just breath and keep calm. If he let himself go over the edge completely, he likely wouldn’t be able to work with this properly.

“Hmm...That is one way to look at it. I guess we could say the use of labels is just as varied as the very things that uses,” the demon would say with a soft chuckle. “But we can agree. To each their own.” And so that topic would go smoothly enough. At least for the moment they seemed to be more or less on the same page when it came to at least addressing problems. They both seemed to agree that yes a problem or thing should be faced and that the approaches were varied, so the demon didn’t see a reason to resist what was being said or extend the topic beyond its welcome. It was what it was and the demon was okay with letting it be as it was as a small moment of peace settled within him.

A moment of peace that would quickly get swept away in something not peaceful at all as time went on. It didn’t start off so bad. The pair did manage to have a somewhat calm moment as they laid together and spoke on a topic that was somewhat tricky for Rika, not because of the topic, but rather him in general. He could hold a conversation and at times could handle disagreements. He didn’t expect to be on the same page with everyone and as long as no one was bashing him for no reason he was okay with slight friction. When handled correctly, things went smoothish. Like now for example, they spoke on self and while they had different views on the matter, the demon was more or less holding it together.

“I think most would prefer it happen that way, but sometimes we cannot control where and when things decide to happen. I suppose one could try, but...I find that a bit tougher in most cases…” he would say as he continued to stay close to the other for a while longer. At that point he was more or less okay, but then things had to start unraveling. He began to lose his calm as topics shifted elsewhere and while he tried to speak things seemed to just not go the way he wanted them to go. The words he said….it just seemed to dig him into a hole and the more he slid down the hole the less stable he became.

When the other gave his short response to his failed attempt at answering a question, the demon gave a light nod at that one, but then from there kind of spiral in an unexpected and not so great direction. He honestly didn’t mean for it to get this way. In fact, he tried so hard for it not to go where it was going...but the more he tried to keep the train on its track the more it rocked until finally it toppled over and ended with the demon feeling like a sack of the trash and the other with him probably even more pissed than before. He wasn’t sure anymore, but he knew he could not read this situation like he wanted too...and in turn this caused the demon to become quite stressed and even more scared than before.  And this was an emotion that helped matters none.

To the words spoken the demon flinched slightly as he frowned a bit in thought. “....I...I don’t know….I’ve never tried facing it. I just found it less painful to hide….and well….maybe you’re right….I mean...I won’t say that I am overly miserable, but I am not too great either. I just….live and find quick fixes to make me happy temporarily….I suppose one might say it is pretty bad, but it has worked in getting me this far...so I didn’t think to change it...Still…” the demon would sigh lightly and before continuing. “...No...I am not okay, but telling me to man up and just face isn’t going to help either. I just...I dunno….” he would trail off there and in turn flow into his next action which probably was the straw that broke the camel's back.

He would curl into a ball and cry, knowing very damn well that it would not help matter and what do you know the other did get after him. To his words, Rika would remain in a ball for a bit, but then slowly uncurl. Staying quiet for a bit, the demon would shift to move a bit further from the other, but also to position himself so that he was resting on his knees. Highly aware of space on the beda as he leaned forward, so that he was resting in a fetal position, with his head resting against his arms.

Once he was in this position, he would speak not daring to look up at the other while he did so.

“....I am not dumb….nor do think you are blind….I have never been good at hiding what I felt….neither have ever been great with simply saying what is on my mind….You say to trust you….not to pretend...and I honestly….I honestly am not pretending. None of it was pretend….I will admit….I did try to hold in my emotions and leave topics alone that would only add to whatever this is….I was trying to not make it more complicated, but I see in doing so I just….I dunno...I dunno what I did, but….I suppose I can at least tell you...that I am scared and have no idea what to do… I really am trying. Trying so hard not run...to buck up and face this head on, but in the end...I am not so sure what I do is right or wrong. If I am running or not running. I don’t know...I just know….and I don’t know how to make you understand I am honestly being me...I am not hiding anything….I am just doing a shitty job of maneuvering in this...I just….” the demon would trail off there and unsure how to go on. How to explain his mind to much a jumbled mess to see clear. All he knew is that while it may seem like he was taking his own advice horrible he really wasn’t he just didn’t know how to act or what to do...and if the other thought for two seconds this was about him not trusting him...well this moment here would prove that wrong.

There were only two times in his life that he had taken the position he was in now. One was when he was a prisoner to others. It was a typical submissive position...and a good one to get a good lashing from. In fact if one looked careful old scarring from those days could be still be seen across his back. Beatings and being torn into by scientists...it was all there, but the demon wasn’t doing this to show the other that. No he did this for one reason and one reason alone. It was the same reason he had done it with the only human that had ever truly known him. He wanted to show he was not lying by what he said and the only way he knew how to do that is to make himself as submissive and vulnerable as possible to the other.

In this position, he had no defenses and would not fight back against whatever came. He was literally placing himself at the other’s mercy...something he would’ve never done unless he absolutely trusted the one he was with. Years ago an artist gained this privilege...and now he was giving it to the man before him….Though how well this went was left up to the other. Even if he did not know the full meaning behind the action, the demon at least hoped the guy could pick up that he was not lying or not trusting him in this matter. After all if this did not work, the demon had no idea what would.

Regardless of this, he stayed in his position still quietly crying as he trembled due to the emotional typhoon within this was causing….

‘’So it is.’’ That was about as much as he had to say to the label topic at that point. He wasn’t going to try to argue against air after all. That, and they seemed to have a lot coming to the plate afterwards anyway. ‘’I think I do pretty well in that department most of the time…’’ Not to the point nothing would ever happen without him wanting to of course, but he was usually pretty good about not letting things crumble at the worst possible moments. In fact, seeing as engaging was the hardest thing for him when he was in a bad spot, all he would usually have to do is what he did best. Keep quiet and don’t give people much reason to bother him and make it worse. If they don’t know yet, they certainly don’t need to be made aware of it as long as that can be achieved. It was the easiest way to keep things in check, and he was pretty good when it came to calming himself down on his own. Company that felt inclined to meddle when not asked to made it worse nine times out of ten, if not even more than that.

Speaking about things getting worse, the conversation certainly proceeded to roll down the hill after that. Such a tricky situation, really. Yes, the kind of reactions he was getting were indeed grating on his nerves quite a bit, the longer they kept happening. However, that wasn’t necessarily meant to be a prompt for the other to turn into a squeaky toy. He wasn’t always going to love everything that happened, but making the other person feel bad about it was not his intention. And he couldn’t just go and try to hide his stance on things forever. That would likely only end the same way Rika’s attempts at running from possible complications and trying to not give reasons for bad things did. He didn’t enjoy showing fangs like that, no, but he was a lot more willing to be straightforward about possibly dangerous things once it came down to it. If it’s going to be bad, it will whether you let it happen right away, or delay it. It will come sooner or later, and letting it build up first may even be worse. He could have always chosen to not speak up on the sight before him, but what would that have accomplished in the end? Probably nothing better than what it was now.

‘’I’m not telling you to do anything. I’m simply pointing out that in the end the choice between being a coward and fighting for yourself is your own to face. It’s up to you as to what kind of life are you willing to settle for. What do you want?’’ He wasn’t aiming to force the guy to do things. However, that didn’t change the fact that the demon had to choose one day. Can’t be on the fence forever. If you’re not really okay as you are, but don’t make the steps to change anything about it either, how long can you really last that way?

Regardless, there were more serious matters that needed to be taken care of at that moment. Namely this odd situation that was unfolding. For a good while, he would simply just stare at the other, not really reacting to the strange shift in things at first. Contrary to the demon’s hopes, this type of move wasn’t going to accomplish all that much. If anything, this was something he would expect out of an animal. Even then, it didn’t invoke all that much meaning for him. It was a little bit too ambitious for the guy to expect a silent, unusual action like this would promptly be understood the way it was meant to. He could sort of figure as much as the fact that doing such was a way of submitting in some sense…but that was about that. He had no way to just know the subtle cues and whatnot. And even if he did…he did not care much for this. He would sigh faintly when the other finished speaking, shifting his arms to rest his elbows on his knees. One simply hanging off his leg for now, while he used the other to rest his chin on as he continued watching the scenery before him. Well, one thing the guy managed to do quite brilliantly was killing his anger. He was much calmer now. He could be very fierce when facing something…but having someone just bow to him and accept everything without a struggle was akin to dousing a flame with a large bucket of icy water. He had no drive to be mad in a situation like this. He was capable of making someone eat dirt, but his motivation to go far died very fast when the sight was more pitiful than anything else. If his opposition did not fight against him at all or fuel his mood somehow, it wasn’t even satisfying to keep being pissed anymore.

‘’…I don’t quite understand what you’re doing right now but…I prefer having a conversation with someone’s face, not their back. This is only unsettling.’’ His voice currently sounded more contemplative than anything else. Nevertheless, this type of unorthodox choice of action was more lost on him than useful. He wasn’t the type of person who found enjoyment or any kind of positive feeling from having figurative control over others like that. It meant nothing to him. He just wanted a partner to be his equal in the end. More or less. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand the notion of proving trust by being vulnerable in front of a person. However, not like this. He wouldn’t move to harm the guy even if he was prompted to, so this was only confusing and not the most pleasant. If anything, he’d catch onto this better were it shown through more dynamic means. When the possible loss of control actually held some more weight, rather than a random bow when he felt no interest to make a move in the first place, or had any reason to take advantage of the other.

Regardless of what the other would choose to do in response to that, he would keep his eyes on the guy, a sort of half-lidded observing. He had definitely switched from angry to almost completely serene very quickly. Was that a good thing or not? Well, that one would remain to be seen.

Labels would be labels and without any further poking the topic itself would eventually die off as it slide into another matter that was quickly becoming quieter by the second. At least this one does topic got a faint smile from the demon as he let out a small hum. “Well, I suppose we are different there,” the demon would say before becoming silent for a bit pondering that. He wasn’t completely out of control and just let stuff happen as it would. No he could choose to where he had these uncomfortable moments typically able to hold up a calm appearance until he could find somewhere safe to hide to let it all out and explore what was there. What he couldn’t control was the triggers or where they may show up. Sometimes they appeared behind closed walls and other times those triggers were out in public spaces. They were everywhere and nowhere all at once making controlling what made him uncomfortable and made him squirm something a bit tricky to keep ahold of at times, so the demon turned to simply walking away from the area and breaking down away from the crowds.

It was...kind of easy. Walking away and brushing it off with a smile for others. No one got the chance to see him squirm unless of course he had nowhere to run, but thankfully those moments rested few and far inbetween...or at least had until he met Sharaku and what did occur occurred between them. And what a thing it was. It had started off okayish, but quickly declined into something uncertain and chaotic. So bad it was that the demon couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Even less so when emotions were high on either side of the fence. He tried not to squirm under pressure, he really did, but as time went on that feat became more and more difficult. Well at least before the dam fully broke, he was able to respond to the other’s words in a more or less calm manner...even if the subject matter made him shift in his spot as discomfort settled on him.

“....What do...I want?” he would repeat back before becoming silent as he took the moment to get his thoughts straight, but also to get his voice back since it decided to go out at that moment.  “I...want to fight for myself….but how do I do that? I mean...all I know how to do is run….how...how do you counter that? Change it? Even if you stop is there really any hope of gaining what you seek when you can’t even see or even know how to walk towards said thing you want?” Could things change if he simply stopped running like he wanted too? Or would it be pointless since he would have no idea what to do to even step forward? It was a tricky matter indeed and one the demon had no answer to himself….or was the answer evading him because this was something he had to also find out along the way?

He was unsure about that and it would seem uncertainty would indeed take him down a path he had not exactly wanted to take, but with pressure so high that he wanted to burst surrounding him, the demon fell back on a path the only path he knew how to take when things were this muddled for him. It was a path that was probably more negative in appearance than it really was. On this path, he was a blubbering baby and fell back on submissive behavior, but what else was he to do? He wasn’t a fighter and the idea of standing on level ground with another had disappeared along the artist that had gotten him to stand a bit in the first place. He honestly didn’t know any better way and so did what he could to try to get the other to understand him…..but it would seem his efforts would fail. He could hear the sigh from the other and when he spoke some time later, the demon would actually deflate in a fashion his body becoming slightly flatter against the bed. Despite this he did at least attempt to pick up his head revealing the tear stained mess it was, but for the moment, he could not lift his eyes to meet the other’s. He just didn’t see how he could face the other when he was like this….He was weak and pathetic...and yet.

The demon’s trembling would slowly began to slow down as the tears began to calm. Raising a shaky hand to his face, the demon would shake his head a bit as his mind tried to understand what the other was saying. Believe in him self more? Don’t find the right answers?  His eyebrows would furrow at that one as he continued. “….I don’t quite understand….what you are asking me to do….If I stop doing what I am doing...then you would get this...me. This submissive me...is that what you want?” Sure there was more to him than just being submissive, but at the moment the demon could not see beyond this particular path. If he stopped doing what he did, he had no choice but to submit right? Sure the other said he wished he believed he believed in himself more, but how could one do that when they never believed in themselves before? Could he actually be what Sharaku wanted or was his mind making a simple matter way to complicated? He wasn’t too sure and he became even more unsure as the rest sunk in.

“I am not sure what is the best way to---No…” he would shake his head to clear away the thought before becoming quiet and taking a breath to steady himself as he let it out slowly.  After that, he would actually look up at the other even if for the moment the look was timid and a bit scared. “I don’t know how this will turn out, even less so because I don’t know what I am doing here... but...A sign of some sort would be helpful in this...at least with that I’d know where to not go...or can at least change a behavior to make it better…” the words were hard to get out, but not because he didn’t want to say them, but rather because he was walking against fear here, but even so...he was trying to move forward and do better is all. It was all he could do since alot of his flaws weren’t something that would magically be fixed overnight. No...these were deep rooted issues that needed time to be addressed properly.

That aside though, he did have one question that came to mind…”What do...you think that sign should be?” A hesitant question, but a sign he was trying never the less rather than hopping on the bandwagon just because. He really did want this to work out for them. If he hadn’t he wouldn’t have fought this long for trying to help their relationship get better and perhaps even grow….