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Silent Thoughts

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Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:14 pm

Their first night at the hotel would stretch on, but it would seem that its occupants had different ideas when it came to utilizing the time. Perhaps a strange choice considering the long travel beforehand and all that, or perhaps not since this obviously wasn't the first time this has happened, the taller of the two didn't seem to be spending his time sleeping. Quite far from it, actually. Instead of laying down in the covers, he was sitting cross-legged on the sofa they had in the room, with a small night-stand type lamp switched on beside him. Of course, he made sure to set it up in a way that shouldn't bother the other in his sleep. It would probably be a bad idea to do that at this point in time, unless the guy woke up by himself and for some reason chose to stay up and not go back to bed. That said, the light was not without a purpose, as he appeared to be holding a thick note book in his hands, seemingly writing something with a surprisingly concentrated look on his face. Quite the odd sight, probably, as that was likely not something one would imagine him doing casually, but perhaps there was a reason for that....?
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:46 pm

(Note: Rika is in his natural state with ears and tail back in play.)

After the day of travel combined with just no sleep at all, the demon ended up crashing almost as soon as he had his shower and touched the cover. He vaguely remembered the other was in the bed with him, but when the other had decided to move he wouldn't know. His mind was a blank space as he was literally passed out for the time being. He wasn't sure how long he slept, but he just knew that when he rolled over, he found the bed strangely empty. The coldness of the sheets next to him caused him to open his eyes a bit.

Blinking he would take notice the other had left the bed, but perhaps not the room. Despite the light being positioned away from him, he spotted the source of the light and shifted slightly to look over at the other. What was he doing? Writing? Or doodling? The demon wasn't sure as he blinked again before glancing at the clock across the way. 11:45 pm...He had been sleep for almost three hours. Ah well.

Pushing himself onto one arm, the demon would scratch sleepily at one of his ears as he looked over at the other again.

"Mmm. Whatcha ya doing?" he would ask sleepily.

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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:54 pm

''?''

Well, it looks that luck would have the other wake up either way. Ah well, what can you do? He had kind of been hoping the guy would remain asleep, mostly because it was a better choice to deal with a companion who wasn't grumpy due to lack of sleep, which could easily happen here were the guy to get too involved and stay up too much.

He would turn his head slightly to glance towards the bed, pausing his scribbling for now as he squinted lightly. ''Writing.'', he would opt to give a rather simple answer.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:58 pm

The demon would blink sleepily as he watched the other for a bit and then when getting the simple answer back, he would snort softly. "I can see that. But what about?" he would ask as his hand rested on the bed as he remained propped up for now.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:01 pm

''....stuff.''

He didn't seem to be too eager to answer that particular question, a faint frown on his face as he toyed with the pen in his hand slightly. He appeared to be thinking about something, but what it was would be a mystery for now.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:04 pm

"....." The demon was quiet for a moment at that answer as his eyes narrowed as he studied he other. He would take note of the behavior and movement of the other though and after some consideration he would speak. "Stuff, huh. Anything you want to talk about?" Well...even if the other wasn't eager to answer the way he was behaving was kind of odd, so why not poke a bit to see what was up?
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:13 pm

''Hmmm....'' He seemed to be a little absentminded there, though he would raise an eyebrow at the demon slightly before scribbling something down for a moment. If the other had a good eye for detail, he would maybe be able to guess some of the writing movement as a couple exclamation marks. Nevertheless, he would glance back up at the guy afterwards. ''Personal stuff. Shouldn't you be sleeping though? It'd be bad to run on lack of sleep later.''
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:24 pm

Hm? What was the other up too? The demon would contemplate this. Even more when he took note of the actions shortly after that hum. Were those explanation marks he had written and if so...was he yelling about something, surprised, or angry...or was he just randomly doodling to screw with his imagination?

The demon would shake his head slightly to clear it as he looked back over just as the guy looked back up at him. "Mmm. Maybe, but it is kind of hard to go back to sleep knowing you're up." It was odd, but he just couldn't. It would take a few hours for it to kick back. Anyway..."Either way, I'll survive," he would say with a sleepy smile and then pausing he would tilt his head. "Personal stuff? Like what?" Was he being nosy? Maybe, but then again maybe he was asking because most of him expected the other to tell him to nothing despite his curiosity.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:34 pm

He would snort faintly. ''That's how you're going to turn into a zombie. I can't sleep often. You probably don't want to play mimic each time.'' It was bad enough that he was having sleeping issues himself. At the very least though, he was able to function on low sleep pretty well, so it wasn't a major setback in most cases. He didn't know about the other however, and he didn't want to inspire some major trouble by this. ''Notes..and things...'', he would trail off slightly, seemingly giving up after a moment and just facepalming with the note book.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:46 pm

The demon would smirk slightly at that one. "I don't think so. You forget I already sleep during day due to work. I don't think I'll be able to compete with ya though. In time I'll go back to sleep just not right now." He was a pretty scheduled sleeper, but with all the time changing and what not he was screwed anyway, so he'd make due with what sleep he ended up getting for now. It wasn't going to harm him or anything so that was that.

Speaking of harm, the demon would raise his eyebrows at the next action as he watched the other literally bookpalm? Well more like faceplant into the book or whatever after he had poked about said personal things. "Neh? Is it that bad?" he would ask more curious now than before.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:55 pm

''You probably shouldn't be trying to make it a competition anyway. I'd likely be better off sleeping too.'' But he wasn't, so he had to deal with that, and unlike the other, he generally did not make a habit of sleeping during the day. Eh, too bad.

He would huff as he placed the note book down on his lap for the time being, switching to absentmindedly chewing on the tip of his pen (not the writing one, of course). ''Depends on what 'it' refers to here. I suppose I am though.'' Did the other mean his writing or...?
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:11 pm

"I dunno think it would be in best interest to do that. And well, why not come back to bed and try to go to sleep then?" the demon would say patting the bed next to him slightly. Though he wonder if that was not why the guy had gotten out of bed to begin with. Hmmm...

Speaking hmms, what was with that answer? The demon would furrow his eyebrows a bit perplexed. "I was speaking about whatever you were writing about. Though I am curious... What do you mean by 'I suppose I am though'? Do mean like you are feeling bad or something else?"
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:19 pm

He would shake his head. ''Can't sleep. Why do you think I'm up to begin with?'' It was largely no use. He could lay down alright, but he would just end up staring at the ceiling or something like that. Eventually he would perhaps sleep, yes, but he could generally tell when was the right time anyway, so might as well use the time productively until then rather than waste it trying to do what was not about to happen.

He would roll his eyes slightly, though it didn't seem like it was out of annoyance at what was said or such. ''I suck, but that is nothing new. As for my feelings, that is a neverending question.'' Mysterious wording is mysterious.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:45 pm

"Mmm. I see, so laying down dun work for you either, huh? If you're up you're just up. And well true." Well he had at least made the offer, but it was interesting to see the other couldn't stay in bed either if awake. Though his reasons were different than his own of course.

That aside, the demon would eventually sit up a bit before stretching out so he could rest on his belly and face the other easier. He would flick his tail slightly in semi-dark as he watched the other and heard the words becoming even more confused.

"Hm?" He'd tilt his head. "Now why do you say that?" he would ask aiming at both parts of the statement. Seriously what was going on with the guy? Was he okay?
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:57 pm

''Unless you give me sleeping pills, no it wouldn't work. I refuse to resort to that anyway though.'' That would solve sleepless nights, yes, but covering up the results doesn't solve what causes them anyway. Besides, he thought it dumb to rely on such unless it can absolutely necessary, as it could definitely become addictive and then you would literally need it to be able to sleep in general. Bad.

He would smile somewhat wryly. ''Because life is garbage.'', he would state flippantly, picking his note book back up and staring at it intently for a while before literally flinging it across the room, seeming mildly agitated. ''Also, to hell with it, I can't concentrate right now....''
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:20 pm

"Not fond of medicine?" Honestly he wasn't either and the one he did have was because he needed it for the time being. He didn't care for relying on the stuff unless he had no choice due to some symptom that was just too much for his body to handle on its own. Thus he tended to suffer a bit more at times because he rebelled against the idea of meds, but that was a story for another time.

"I wouldn't say it is all that bad," the demon would say gently, but then find himself tensing up a bit as his smile faded as the other threw the notebook across the room. Looking at the other unsure for a few second, the demon would eventually roll out of bed and go to where the book had landed. He lean down and pick up the book in a fashion where he couldn't see what had been written. He was curious to know what the guy had been writing, but being respectful of the other's privacy. He wouldn't look down at the notebook until he had it closed within his hands. He would look at the cover, his tail flicking a bit before he cautiously approached the other. Standing a safe distance before him, the demon would speak in soft tones.

"Hey. What's eating you, huh?" There had to be something if the other had tossed the book across the room.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:38 pm

''I'm fine with it for the most part. I just think that in certain cases it can be detrimental to actual progress.'' Sleeping pills help you fall asleep, but if your issue isn't literal insomnia by itself, but is caused by other factors, then the meds wouldn't really be a proper treatment for you there. They'd just make a false safe blanket for you. There are times when meds are the correct way, and then there are times when it might not be the best option for you.

''A good chunk of it is trash though.'', he would shrug slightly, contending himself with simply watching when the other decided to go pick up the thrown item and all that. He would raise an eyebrow with a faint huff. ''You can try to read that if you wish. Not that it'll be any help to you though.'' If the guy did opt to glance, he would find out why quickly enough. One, the writing was a rather scribbly cursive that could be a bit tricky to read in general. And two, the text was entirely in Portuguese, which would obviously make it a dead end for the other. He didn't want anyone reading that, so the language was actually on purpose as the chances of someone who could understand it getting their hands on it were extremely low. The most one could pick out from looking at it would be that it seemed to be some sort of 'record' book, kind of like a diary of sorts if one was familiar with the stuff.

Wherever that went however, he would just raise his hands up with a somewhat defeated look at the question. ''I'd be more inclined to say I'm eating myself, if nothing else.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:14 pm

"Ah I see." The demon would nod at that one. He supposed he could understand that point of view too even if he was against meds himself most of the time.

"A good chunk of it huh?" the demon would say as he continued to hold the book as he watched the other. "Why do you think that?" He would ask as he flicked his tail staying quiet for a moment to see if the other wanted to answer. Either way, he would eventually blink as the other gave his huff and spoke about the book. To this, the demon would look back at the book and out of curiosity, he would flip it open to a random page and...actually smile a bit at what he saw. Go figure.

"Ah so helpful. Even more so when it is in a different language. Still that is pretty clever. At least you don't have to worry about prying eyes," the demon said as he flipped through the book a bit before closing it and holding it up to the other a bit. "You know I always wondered where all thoughts went. I see you keep them safe here." He would hold the book out to the other. His demanour calm and gentle.

If the other took it great and if not, well the demon would eventually move forward and just place it on the seat next to him before backing up a bit and sitting cross legged on the floor before the other his tail wrapping slightly around as he looked up at the other with a frown of concern. "Now what's making you do that?"
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:35 pm

He would shrug slightly. ''No particular reason. You could say it's just an epiphany that happens when I get reminded of all the problems floating around.'' Life had both its good and bad sides in the end, after all. Can't focus on both at once though, so sometimes you had to pick which to emphasize more.

''That's on purpose, yes. I'd prefer no one reads this, as long as I can help that.'' For an amount of reasons, really. It wasn't necessarily about keeping secrets or such, but he would still rather not go about things by showing someone that. That aside, he would shake his head at the second comment. ''I haven't been doing this for too long. It's not necessarily about keeping things safe either.'' If it was solely on him, he likely wouldn't do this at all. It was actually quite the pain.

Nevertheless, he would take the item back, for now just holding it in his hand, using the other to rest his chin on as he stared ahead. ''My mind, I suppose.''
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Thu Aug 24, 2017 7:12 am

"It can seem that way when you focus on the bad. Makes me wonder sometimes why we are here if there is so much pain, drama, and other negative things around." Life could be pretty depressing when you reflected on all the bad in the world, but at the same time it could be quite beautiful. Either way, it was the choice of the viewer how the world appeared in the end.

"Well if it is personal, I don't blame ya for wanting to keep it to yourself. There are some things I have locked away too though, the form they are sealed in is quite different than this. Still, in the end only I know what it means." Personal was personal and while one could ask it was ultimate up to the keeper to decipher for one or not. As for that next comment, the demon would tilt his head a bit. "No? Well safe doesn't always apply to keeping it from others. Sometimes we have so much on our mind the only thing we can do is let out in some form or try to shift through it internally. Personally, I prefer to pick up pen or colors and put it to paper to get the thoughts away. It is helpful in some cases," the demon would say and then tapping his chin lightly he would continue. "Though you said you haven't been doing this long. When did you start and what made you pick up pen and paper like this?" Curious wasn't he, but why not be? Besides maybe he could actually learn something about the other for once.

That aside, once the other had taken the book and the demon had settled on the floor, his tail would curl slightly at the tip as he heard the answer. A gentle smile would appear on his face as he heard the answer given. "Oho? And what is on your mind that is causing you to eat yourself?" His tone remained calm, gentle, and patient showing a different just slightly a different side of the demon.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Thu Aug 24, 2017 7:48 am

''I don't know. I suppose if we have endured it all until now, it means we were born to survive.'', he would comment with a faint snort. Especially when you had it harder in life than a lot of other people, for various reasons. After all, how many choose to take the easy end and commit suicide or the like, instead of continuing to fight on to live despite all the pain?

He would look off to the side with a frown. ''I think for me it's mostly that I don't wish for others to meddle in my stuff. Though that is a part of the problem in itself.'', he would sigh, somewhat exasperated at this whole thing. It wasn't like he was writing down some big secrets or stuff of that type, but he honestly had a problem with people getting too close in any way or form. ''I actually prefer not to. Putting anything out is a lot of extra effort. I find it a lot easier to just think about things, and stick to that. I frankly don't feel much of a need to play the erupting volcano game.'' It could even be uncomfortable to do that, in many cases. He was just fine with dealing with his thoughts by himself, even when they went farther than they should.

When the next question came, he would pinch the bridge of his nose lightly, trying to keep himself from getting agitated by this conversation. Not that he really wanted to be, but this type of talk could put him on the edge just because of its existence at times. ''A couple months...maybe? I lose track of time easily, apparently. As for why...because life...and misery...and perhaps because you aren't the only one who needed to deal with therapists and psychologists.'', he would shake his head with a frown. Definitely an ideal topic for a night time conversation, right...? What can you do though...

''.....''

He would close his eyes at the next one. ''Too complex. I'd say it's simply my mind itself. It likes trying to become a living oxymoron.'' Figuratively put, but he didn't really have a better set of words to use right now.
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Thu Aug 24, 2017 5:22 pm

“Perhaps so,” the demon would say with a soft hum as his left ear twitched slightly. All living creatures seemed to be built to survive...though some fell to despair and ended themselves too quickly. He had contemplated taking that route once upon a time, but in the end he was very glad he had not. So glad. As for the next part the demon would sigh softly as he rested his arms against his legs.

“A problem huh? How so?” He could probably guess some problems and probably had a few in mind. Still, he did not throw anything out there or make assumptions as he decided this round to simply listen to the other and let him talk if he wanted to do so. Maybe it would actually go better that way. Though for that next part, he would comment.

“Keeping things in have the tendency to drive most mad and in turn cause them to erupt. I know for me that is a huge reason I prefer to write or draw what I am feeling out it clears my head and sometimes help me discover things does it work the same for you?” A question that was asked, but became more relevant with what was said next. The demon saw the reaction had and wondered for two seconds if the other was about to snap at him for something. He honestly didn’t want that and so inwardly braced himself for the worse; however what he heard next made him frown a bit. He wasn’t sure if what he was about to do was right or not, but…

The demon would take a small breathe as he rubbed his arm a bit uncomfortably as he spoke, his gaze cast to the side.

“What….” he hesitated, but then continued on forcing the words there out. He couldn’t be afraid of the guy when he was like this forever. He’d never get anywhere that way. “What happened that made you so miserable and have to go to the doctors too?” Well it was said, but how the other would take it was another matter. Either way the demon would look over at him a bit nervous as he just simply waited for what was to come.

As for the last statement the demon would tilt his head a bit at that one. “Sounds like an odd state to exist in. Sure you don’t want to try explaining what is on your mind to me?”
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Thu Aug 24, 2017 5:49 pm

‘’Because it makes it harder for me to do things the way I should. Theoretically speaking.’’ It was kind of complicated there, and would require a deeper, more expanded explanation to make it really clear. It was a little tough to catch on though, since the other was asking separate questions for things that were all kind of linked together. He wasn’t sure how to answer without getting too long about it, and then have nothing to say later.

Either way, no, the chance of him snapping at the guy was actually rather low. He had a very bouncy temper, that much was true, but despite the way it looked, it was rarely a sign of impending harm of any sort. Unless one took even mild forms of irritation as being snapped at, in which case it could be a tough cookie to deal with, yes. ‘’I do quite fine with my mental filter. I in fact find it difficult to write about things like that. Not my preference at all. I’m supposed to be doing this as a form of exercise of sorts, though it’s not necessarily for the purpose of clearing my head.’’ He didn’t need that. And even if he did need to clear his head out for some reason, this would do jack squat to help. He had other means for that.

In any case, at the follow-up question, he would simply shrug lightly. He did take note of how the other was acting, but seemed to opt to not address it in any way at the moment. ‘’Nothing exactly new happened. I’ve always been the way I am. I just haven’t bothered to use external measures to do something about it before.’’ Nothing has changed since the time they parted on that front. And if the guy wanted to know what caused his mental state to be what it was, things would have to date back many years, really.

He would furrow his brows when asked to explain his mindscape. ‘’Cannot. I don’t know how.’’
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Rika on Fri Aug 25, 2017 4:50 pm

The demon would furrow his eyebrows a bit perplexed. “What do mean by that?” he would ask as he watched the other. While he could see the guy’s way being troublesome to a degree when it came to others, he wondered what else was going on that the other was saying it was theoretical. That was an odd way to describe the issues associated with being closed off towards people. Perhaps being more detailed would help the matter or maybe the demon would become more confused. The demon wasn’t exactly sure how to tailor his questions to make it easier for the other, so he played the matter by ear for now.

That aside, despite the way the demon reacted towards the irritation, he was holding his ground well enough keeping the agitation in mind, but not letting it be so much of a focus that it would cause fear or so much anxiousness he would fuck up. No, he was relatively calm as he took in the words he heard, a hand reaching up to scratch at his bare chest at bit. “I think that sort of thing would drive me over the edge. I have to get it out or else bad things happen,” the demon said with a small smile and then looking up at the other he would continue. “You said the writing was suppose to be an exercise. What is it suppose to help you with if not to clear out your mind?” What was the other suffering from that a doctor would suggest he try to write it out on paper? Speaking of sufferings, the next answer was interesting to say the least.

The demon would continue to hold his left arm as he watched the other. “Always, huh? Was it due to something that happened in the past when you were young or was it just your personality that shaped you to be who you are? And if you’ve never considered addressing your ways before what made you decide to go to the doctors for help?” That seemed a bit odd. Did he have a realization about something or what? What would make someone suddenly make a move to address issues that they may have dealt with for years without help? Did whatever tormented Sharaku get so bad that he had no choice, but to seek help? Did he….did he have something to do with it? The demon was curious alright, but kept his questioning on the low side for now so the other could process it all and answer if he wanted too.

As for that last statement, the demon would go quiet for a moment as he watched the other, his gold colored eyes slightly glowing in the gloom he sat in as he studied the other with a calm expression considering something before speaking again. “Cannot? There is no such thing. You either do or don’t. I am sure there is a way to explain it. How about trying with how it makes you feel or maybe a picture you can relate it too?” Even if it was a complicated mess, maybe by using descriptions or feelings to guide the way, even a complex mess could become clear. Maybe...
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Re: Silent Thoughts

Post by Sharaku on Fri Aug 25, 2017 6:36 pm

He would stare at the other with all the questions pouring in left and right, furrowing his brows at this all. This was becoming harder and harder to answer one at a time without messing something up on the way. He would sigh, raising his palms up. ‘’Okay, halt, slow down. There’s no point in trying to answer to all of this separately. How about you just sit back for a moment and let me make a statement on this before continuing this.’’ It’d be way easier for him to just give a more or less full run-down of it at once instead of struggling to answer to each specific question individually when some of them were literally addressing the same matter just from a slightly different angle.

Shifting slightly, he would move to get up from his seat. ‘’Don’t mind me. I just think better when I can move about.’’ That, and it was easier to not really focus on certain things when he could pace about back and forth while talking. He didn’t want to be still and stare dead at the other the whole time while trying to chew through this. ‘’Anyway, to put this into perspective for you, I suffer from mild C-PTSD and subsequently sleep issues, occasional nightmares and certain temperament problems. Does who I am have to do with the past or just my personality? I would be inclined to say both have their hand in it. If the past was the only thing that determined what kind of person we become, then you would not love cuddling and want relationships after the abuse you went through before yourself. Some part of it is probably due to the way I was brought up, and some is likely just innate. Human psyche is fascinating in the way it works, is it not?’’, he would shake his head with a half-amused snort.

‘’As for your questions about my writing, it’s for helping me express myself. I have issues when it comes to talking about myself or my feelings, but I am at the very least somewhat better at it in written form, which is why I was trying to improve on that first. Plus rearranging my routine with activities that help as well. Nevertheless, this is also an answer to your last question. I meant what I said, and trust me, trying to find a way to tell you how I feel is the last thing on Earth I want to be doing. Too stressful.’’ And a headache inducer too, honestly. He didn’t want to implode himself from trying too hard. ‘’Which brings me to the next point I wanted to address. Remember how you used to get upset, weepy and all that when faced with too much pressure? I tend to respond to stress by anger and irritation instead. I get uncomfortable and snappish when pushed where I don’t want to be. Just wanted to note that since I noticed you seem to be concerned about my reactions. No, it’s nothing against you. I just have ticks, I suppose.’’ And they could be quite the pain too. ‘’Either way, on the note of why I ended up doing something about it only after all this time…as I said, I tend to be avoidant when it comes to talking about the necessary matters, and I do not like to have people meddle in my business, whether they’re random people or doctors. I’m not really sure why I did myself. I guess maybe I was curious about whether it could actually do something.’’, he would shake his head. ‘’Before I get lost though, does that answer your questions sufficiently enough?’’
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Sharaku

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Re: Silent Thoughts

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