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Sick Times Are Not Fun

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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Tue Jan 09, 2018 6:03 pm

Told off. He wasn't sure if could relate well to that one considering outside of recent things when he got in trouble it rested more on the physical side. "They controlled you then...and what of the reasons not to push your luck? You certainly don't seem like the sort to just roll over and obey." At least from what the guy displayed to him he didn't seem that way. That seemed like something he was more than likely to do.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Tue Jan 09, 2018 6:23 pm

Oh, they would be getting there too, in a way. He would laugh in a somewhat hollow tone. "And what do you think a kid can do against their parents really? You depend on them to have a roof over your head, and no one will actually listen to you. They all repeat the same serenades about how your parents mean the best for you and that you should respect them at all costs. Regardless, there's a difference between the ability of a grown adult to deal with problems, and that of a kid who's still just figuring out the world." Clearly, you couldn't expect a young person to really know what to do, or even be properly aware of how wrong the way they were treated truly was. A child learns their view of the world from the way they grow up. Proper morals and understanding of situations don't just spawn at birth. If a little puppy was brought up around cats all the time, it'd likely think it's one of them without having any idea about the truth. Same style goes for any other being, really.

He would pinch his nose in mild frustration though. "As for the extra whys....wait a second. I'll show you something...", he would state before getting off the table and walking off to the living room for a few moments, soon coming back with his phone in hand. "This is me when I was...I think about 8?", he would comment wryly as he showed the other a photo. It appeared to be a decent attempt at a selfie of sorts. Except for the fact that the picture wasn't very pretty. The boy in the photo was shirtless, and his entire upper body seemed to be covered in various bruises, some darker than the other. Coupled with the rather blank look he was giving the camera, he sure looked miserable for someone that age.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Tue Jan 09, 2018 7:25 pm

"I am not sure as I never had parents. Just masters. Though parents sounds similar except masters do things for themselves and not to try and help you." Yeah. It was an odd concept to him this parent thing, but at the same time he kind of understood. To rebel against parents was like rebelling against one's master. You just didn't do that or you'd be punished. "It can be rather difficult for a child to find their way in the world." He could agree with that and the fact that children learned what their elders taught them blood related or not.

Regardless of his concepts of the matter being rather warped, the demon would find himself being able to relate in some fashion and to be honest wanted to know more; however, he would hesitate on questioning things as the other told him to wait a moment and then left to get...his phone? The demon would blink as he saw the other return with the item in hand; however, his confusion would soon wash away as he saw what was there.

That child...

"Just like me," he would find himself whispering without even realizing as his yes narrowed at the picture as some emotion he couldn't quite name flowed through him. Some mix of agitation, sadness and something else he could not name. It was hard seeing the picture. Even more so knowing it was the man before him..."How did that happen?" He would ask as he continued to look at the picture.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Tue Jan 09, 2018 7:53 pm

He would shake his head slightly. "The difference is that with a master as you put it, you know your stand and what you'll be getting. There's not a whole lot of question about it. Your parents are someone everyone tells you you should trust. What would you say happens when you can't, but everyone around you keeps convincing you otherwise? Who do you believe when you aren't able to tell what is right by yourself?" There was a lot more confusion involved, especially since it was a whole different kind of living in general. A slave is most likely held in a constant state of misery where they know that's all they should expect. A child with bad parents is stuck between the outside world and the one they have at home, while everyone claims a different thing.

In any case, he would frown as the other later stared at his phone, gritting his teeth slightly at the question. Yeah, that. "...school. You see...my mother wanted the best, so I was of course the straight A student in class...and we had some nasty kids there who thought it funny to pick on the 'nerd'. I was beat up pretty badly nearly every day. However, as I've learned long before, complaining to my parents wasn't an option, for I'd end up being the one at fault somehow, for causing more trouble then necessary. I had to hide this to avoid trouble. That...was another reason why I didn't want to push my luck...I didn't have the energy to fight most of the time, and I'd risk them noticing if I struggled too much. I took it...because being silent was really the best choice..." He wasn't in the situation to really do much about it. Not the way things were.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:42 pm

"One would think that, but it is sort of the same. Whether it is other servants, the people in the house, or even the master who owns you. They tell you the master right. You should be grateful for their love and hard work. They keep the close on your back, roofs head, etc, etc. You hear it so much that you sort of start believing it, taking pain and suffering for kindness. Your mind just tries to make it better for you even its not right. Trust, beliefs...all those are gone. You just...do what you can to survive. There is no one or anything you can believe anymore. It just becomes nothing..." Just like that blank expression he saw in the picture. He couldn't be sure....how different masters and parents were. They were both people and sometimes a master could seem really kind before baring fangs; however, there was no where to run. No one to tell. You were left own, trying to make sense of a world that gave you nothing, but pain and lies in turn...

As for that response back, the demon would stare at the phone for a while longer before tearing his eyes from the screen and placing the phone down on the table a bit rougher than intended. It was clear from the tension in his body he was upset with the matter, but not in the way one would think. He would close his eyes before speaking.

"I don't understand how she thought blaming you for things was the best. How ignoring your complaints was the best..." he would ball his hands into tight fist. "Is it because of this...you won't talk now?" It was difficult to hear, but at the same time some clarity when it came to some situations was beginning to show and with that clarity agitation with just how fucked up the world could be sometimes.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Wed Jan 10, 2018 2:46 am

He would furrow his brows, trying to think about it. "I don't...think I ever equated suffering with kindness...I still saw some differences between me and other kids as I wasn't entirely isolated from the rest of the world. I do understand the lack of trust and faith though." To be fair, he didn't have much of that even know. That said, he never really believed that pain was the nice thing. That's why he sought to not give much reason to be lashed at further in the first place. Even if he didn't know what exactly was wrong and what wasn't, he was able to tell what he wanted to avoid.

In any case, he would pick the phone back up himself with a weak smile, absentmindedly fiddling with it in his hands as he considered the words. "I think...she's probably a bit of a narcissist. If she acknowledged there was a problem that involved her in any way, it would mean she'd have to go out of her way to deal with it. That's clearly not what a self-absorbed person really wants to do. It was best for her, not for me, obviously." He understood that much at this point. Though he was honestly trying not to occupy himself with it a whole lot. As for the rest, he would give the other a brief confused look. "I don't..." He was talking, wasn't he? He was about to ask what the other meant at first, but he did get a bit of an epiphany there.

"Wait, you mean....", he would sigh with a shake of his head. "Well, for one, I don't really trust people. And two...I can't. I've been raised to repress my emotions. I've never been taught how to express myself. That doesn't go without any damage. I have no words for the most part. This one may be foreign to you, but an inability to properly process or regulate emotions interferes with a lot." He was really either numb in that regard, or had no useful words for what he was feeling and just ended up freezing up under the pressure to say something. And when he did get noticeably emotional, that was typically at a breaking point of some sort. Anger outbursts like before being a good example.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:14 pm

"It happens when the one dishing out the pain tells you it is out of love and helping you that they do it." And as a kid what did you do? You believed right and trusted? it wasn't until later on in life he discovered that wasn't right, but even knowing that he struggled for a long time with the concept of kindness and getting what it meant. While he was way better than before he didn't always know how to handle kindness. Though he knew how to give plenty of it. It was odd, but perhaps that was what happens when one is brought up in such conditions and then have to figure out kindness on your own mostly.

Anyway, crimson eyes would look over at the other as picked up the phone and fiddled with it. He took notice of the weak smile and following it the words that was said. "I'd say people should deal with their own shit and quite throwing it on others or trying to force others to be perfect. No offense, but she sounds unpleasant..." Granted he didn't know her, but still from what the other was saying he couldn't see her in a good light. It agitated him perhaps because he honestly cared about the other and didn't think that a person like him should be treated that way. No one should....and yet he wonder if he had room to say that. After all, he came from a prison background and just ran from his issues. It was becoming confusing and complicated. Perhaps he was thinking to much.

Brain shush. Sssshhh. It is okay. Ssssh.

The demon would be quiet for a bit as he kept his fists balled and his eyes down cast as worked through the mix of emotions for a moment until he found a calm within the chaos once more and just in time too cause apparently his words had confused the other. Well for a little bit at least. The guy seem to figure out what he meant after a brief moment.

As for what he said, the demon would close his eyes as he smiled a bit. “At first it was, but...I think I get it a bit better now. I mean it makes sense, when you know a bit more. Kind of makes me feel bad for stressing you out in the past when honestly you just couldn’t…” the demon would reopen his eyes as he tilted his head at the other. "Maybe we can work on it together. Lord knows I have enough emotion to cover us both.” They were strangely opposite and yet through it all he could relate a bit. How strange.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:56 pm

"I was never told anything directly. I just had to figure things were going to be that way myself." There were others who preached about family being above anything else and all that, yes, but he wasn't necessarily lied to by his parents directly. They never gave him reasonings like that. It couldn't be said he understood kindness as a concept, but he at the very least did know it wasn't the same as pain and suffering. What the difference was? Well, no idea, but that was a subject of its own. Right now, he was kind of neutral in regards to it. He wasn't really good with either receiving or giving it, but most of the time, he didn't concern himself with it deeply.

He would give the other a light hmph as he shook his head. "I understand that. It's fine though. Getting caught up with things like hate and revenge does no one good. I acknowledge the kind of person she is, but as long as I don't need to deal with her directly, I just leave it be." It was for the better that way. You can't really do anything to a person without partially becoming the same as them. Eye for eye might be a plausible concept, but it rarely brings real happiness. He didn't like her, no, but that fact wasn't something he wanted to have plaguing his mind forever. It wasn't worth it, nor helpful.

He would snort lightly at the emotion topic. "Lord knows you drown me each time..." He was about to continue there, but the lovely sickness decided to assert its existence too, and thus he ended up having another coughing fit. "See....my lungs *cough* agree too...", he would wheeze a bit.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:28 am

"That seems like a tough path." Whether you had to learn to survive on your own and figuring out the rules that way or you were condition to believe the world was a way that warped reality. Those sort of paths and trying to figuring out what was what. They were confusing and scaring on their own. They really had a way of making one's perception on life a bit different from the norm...didn't they?

That aside, the demon would find himself giving the other a sheepish look as he let his agitation go a bit and calmed down. "Is that why you live here versus Japan?" He wondered how the guy's life would've turned out if he had stayed. Would his mum continue to get after him? Or would she let him be wherever he was in the country? Hmmm..perhaps it was something that was best left unanswered.

That aside, the demon would find himself pouting at the other as he placed his hands on his hips at the comment. "Oi! I am not that bad," he would begin his tone clearly joking...until the other started coughing. To this he would roll his eyes as he drifted over to get the water glass for the other and bring it back. "Well here. Maybe the water will help you breathe since you can't swallow the emotional sea without dying."

He wasn't mad or anything as he gave the other a smirk, though he kept an eye on him in case he needed to do more than get him water.

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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Thu Jan 11, 2018 6:10 pm

He would shrug slightly. "It's why I don't live at home. The exact location doesn't have much to do with it." He had just figured that if he was already moving, might as well make it worth it and go somewhere different. Japan was an alright place, but he couldn't say he ever really fit in there, both with his looks and stature.

At any rate, despite being distracted by the coughs, he would find a moment to give the other a skeptical glance. "If I breathe in water, I'll *cough* be dying for real, you silly." That was honestly a dangerous idea. Besides, water went to your stomach, so it wouldn't necessarily help with your lungs. Aside from accidentally getting in there...and making you cough even more. Which was the last thing he needed to be risking right now. He would just wave the other off, giving it a bit to calm down by itself. "And for your information...compared to me, yes, you are pretty bad."
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Fri Jan 12, 2018 6:28 am

The demon would nod at the moving comment, but didn't have anything to say back since the answer was clear enough. In any case, moving and what not would be pushed to the side as something else came into the picture namely the coughing.

To what the other said, the demon would shake his head a bit placing the water on the table as he gave the other a smile. "I was suggesting you drink it after the coughing was over not while it was happening. I am no murder you after all." He understood not drinking and coughing. That would be foolish all on its own; however, once all that coughing calmed down the water could help in some areas like helping the throat out and all. Though it seems it would be of no use now since the other was refusing it anyway.

As the other coughed, the demon would check on his soup testing to see if it was at least to a state he could taste it. It was after a couple of blows to the spoon. He'd put a bit of the soup in his mouth, quite pleased with the taste. Not bad for a first time. As for that comment...the demon would place the spoon back in the soup as he looked up at the other as his lips curled into a smirk and gave a light smirk. "Alright fair enough," he would say before falling quiet his mind unsure where to go at the moment as he looked back down at the soup with an amused smile.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:43 am

Eh, well his throat wasn't that dry and all, so he ought to be more or less fine. He always had water on hand in case it was actually necessary anyhow. Regardless, he wouldn't comment back for the time being, eventually shifting to move back to leaning against the table once the coughing died down. He would frown in thought for a short moment before giving the other a questioning look. "Say...you told me you used to see kindness and suffering as one and the same...what do things like love mean to you now?"
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Sat Jan 13, 2018 4:58 pm

Well it seemed that conversation had died a bit after the water thing had occurred. The demon would leave the water where it was as he went back to his soup getting another spoonful in before the other was looking over at him with a questioning look and then asking him a question.

To what he heard, the demon would blink a bit as he let that one process. What did love mean to him now? The demon would put the spoon back in the bowl, stirring the contents a bit as he thought.

"That is rather hard question to answer. I am not...sure if I can even explain it well since it is so complicated, but I guess in its simple form..... it is a mix of trust, honesty, respect, and genuinely caring for the other party. You don't have to understand each other fully...You just have to be able to accept the differences you can't swallow and work with it. Love is work...and it can be tough and painful...yet abuse and how I have been treated in the past is not part of it. Sure slap if I really need some sense knocked into me, but I don't see love as something that should make you miserable or bring you immense pain." He would pause and look up at the other with a small frown. "Does...does that make sense?" He was unsure what the other was after or how he could make it less confusing, but he had tried so maybe this was okay.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Sat Jan 13, 2018 5:47 pm

He would rest his hands on his knees with a shake of his head. "That's something everyone would say, I'd assume. But all of those things you mentioned in the mix can exist without them being linked to love, can't they? I guess what I'm really asking is...how does love feel different in the first place? I can understand the theory all I want, but that doesn't mean I'd be able to recognize it in reality.", he would give the other a somewhat sheepish frown.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Sun Jan 14, 2018 7:54 pm

"I suppose all that could exist without romantic love being there. I suppose it could be shared between family or close friends," the demon would say before becoming quiet as he ponder the question a bit, but in the end ended up rubbing the back of his head a bit. "Love shows itself differently for each person. For me, it is when I can't stop thinking about the person my affection is towards and just want to be with that person. Through hell and high water. The peaceful times. All of it. As long as that person is with me, I can pull through anything," the demon would take a breath end and let it out slowly as he rested his hands against the counter and leaned forward a bit to take some weight off his feet. "It makes me feel complete when I am with that person and when we are apart? I miss them and can't wait for them to come back." The demon would snort as he shook his head. "Sappy I know, but that is how it is for me. It is very different from friendship or family love. It's on a different level than that and finding it and recognizing is a hard thing to explain in words...because it isn't logical. You just sort of know it when you encounter it.." Yeah that probably explained nothing...but then again...how did one even begin to explain love?
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Mon Jan 15, 2018 5:47 am

He would scratch his cheek slightly. "I mean...I wasn't even comparing it to anything specific. I don't really get the concept in general. It doesn't matter what kind...after all, I can gracefully skip over family love, and I don't necessarily have a bunch of friends to refer to either.", he would shake his head a bit. "How would someone like me really know? Sometimes I can't even really tell apart happiness and sadness.", he would snort. "I'm not sure how much I understand the sentiment though...I would think people don't need someone else to complete them? You're already whole by yourself, even if you may enjoy someone else's company a lot..."
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Mon Jan 15, 2018 6:22 pm

The demon would scratch his head at this one not sure how to even respond back as he shook his head a bit. "In a literal sense yes. I am whole alone, but it is something not physical that love completes. I wish there was a way I could explain in words what I mean, but honestly I cannot. It is a feeling. A powerful one that goes beyond words and logic. As for understanding it," the demon would take his soup with him and move to where he was before the other. He would sit on the floor opposite to the guy balancing the soup well enough in his lap as he leaned against whatever wall or cabinet was behind him and looked up at the other. "I suppose one would have to figure out emotions. I can try to help, but I am no specialist in that. I think...a therapist that can walk you through that would be needed to untangle it all." He could and would help in anyway he could, but he highly doubted that they would get very far without the proper tools there.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Mon Jan 15, 2018 6:42 pm

"I never said I meant it specifically in a physical sense..." He had been really speaking over all there. Does it mean that someone who never ends up with a partner would be less happy of a person for it? It doesn't have to, does it now. It just didn't make much sense to him as to why would another person be needed to complete anything in any way. Yes, people were kind of social beings to a degree, but they weren't dependent on it to that point...at least he'd think so. In any case, he would raise an eyebrow at the other, not quite sure why was the other sitting on the floor in the kitchen, though he wouldn't complain for the moment.

He would snort with a vague roll of his eyes. "You know what I think about therapists and their ability to be truly helpful. I don't particularly trust them to deal with something like that." They could be pretty useless even without such complex problems being present. Heck, most can't be of much use even when you know how you feel exactly. Nevertheless, he would sigh. "Besides...that isn't something I really want..."
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Mon Jan 15, 2018 7:23 pm

"No you didn't. Perhaps I should've asked what you meant by that before answering. Sorry about that," the demon said his manner calm as he looked back down at the soup. It was kind of the truth though. He really did need to work on clarifying things versus just answering. Who knew it might actually get a desired result instead. Maybe. Or maybe there was no right or wrong answer for the subject matter. He didn't know and didn't try to figure it out right now as he ate a bit more of the soup before looking up at the other just in time to see him raise an eyebrow at him.

Staying in his position on the floor, he would tilt his head at the other. "Sup?" he would ask quite curious as to what the look was for. That aside though, the demon would find himself snorting lightly as he gave the other a sheepish look.

"Yeah I know, but it was the first thing that came to mind. Wasn't expecting you jump on that one." If the other had taken the therapy option, the demon would have to wonder if that sickness was doing something to the guy's brain that he should worry about. Anyway....

Rika would hear the comment and become quiet for a moment as he looked off to the side in thought as a bit of anxiety hit him. He didn't want to push the guy -- no. Rika, stop being afraid. Just ask. Go on.

He would bite his lip a bit before looking back at the other. "Well...what do you want?" he would ask curious and yet nervous. He didn't want to cross lines or end up facing something unpleasant, but....he couldn't just hold back his questions either. Even if some were nerve wrecking to ask the other that both fascinated and terrified him all at once at times.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Tue Jan 16, 2018 5:38 am

Not really having anything to say in that, he would just kind of shrug vaguely. They each had their own opinion in the end, regardless of which way it was actually addressed, so that was that, pretty much. "...why are you sitting on the floor?", he would give the other a somewhat flat look, not quite understanding why the guy didn't just sit on the counter or something. Anything was a better option than the kitchen floor, really.

In any case, he would purse his lips slightly. "Well, no offense to them, but even if I did try...I don't see how would a therapist be able to tell you what you're feeling or anything of the like. All they can do is offer advice, but I can advise myself too, really." It's not like he didn't already know all the basic things that always get said left and right. They just didn't have any real effect anymore.

As for the question after....he would frown as he got off the table, standing with his hands in his pockets. "A sense of...normalcy?", he would shake his head with a sigh. "You see, I'm just tired of going through every day and having people constantly remind me that I'm not like everyone else. I get the point of facing problems, but does it truly help to have everything always spit in your face about how different you are? It only intensifies the vibe that something's wrong with you at all times." Which wasn't necessarily pleasant. "I suppose...that goes for the whole love thing too...you talk about respect and all those things, and while I won't deny they have their importance, I think what I'd really want is just a relationship where I can feel normal for once, and not have to fight just for things to stay above water, like everywhere else." Why couldn't at least one thing be without issues and painful things?
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Tue Jan 16, 2018 1:53 pm

Well there was no counter coming in response to what he said, so he supposed that was a good thing or the other just agreed that it was okay to disagree and left it at that. In either case, the demon was happy no conflict came out of the words though it would seem the other was more interested in where he was sitting.

"Ah," the demon would begin as he looked down and shook his head. "I guess it is habit. Even more so since this is not my home." Yes he was aware of other spaces he could've sat, but without permission to do that he would take a chair and if none available the floor. On that note though..."Do you not want me on the floor? And if not where do you prefer I sit?" It was a strange set of questions yes...and to be frank despite the way they were phrased he wasn't looking for the other to command him to sit here or there, but rather he was looking to the other for options as to where he was allowed to sit. Now how this would be translated he was unsure, but he would go with whatever came about.

That aside, the conversation would move onto a more trickier subject. To the topic of therapist Rika would nod a bit. "Most of them do. Though, recently I've been going to one that actually forces me to face my issues...kind of like diving into my mind literally." His knew therapist didn't advise, he took action to confront things based on the data he had and what the patient was telling him or not telling him. Perhaps therapist wasn't even the right word for the guy. "Anyway, despite the method you are right about one thing. No one can tell you how you feel; however, one can try to walk along side you and help you figure it out or support you if you fall or get stuck." One didn't have to take that journey alone, but...he highly doubted the other would actually ask or accept help which in turn would bring them back to square one.

...And square one was turning into a complicated little thing as the conversation moved on to what the other wanted. As the other moved to stand up, the demon would mimic the action not because he wanted to follow, but rather he did not want to bend his neck to its limits trying to see the other's face. Hearing the other's answer, the demon would be quiet for a moment as he finished off the remaining soup and take the bowl to the sink. He would place it down before turning to face the other, his eyes down cast as he frowned at the floor in thought as he tried to figure out how to respond back.

"I pretty sure I am no help in not reminding you of things. In fact, I wonder if I have been too pushy on the matter of wanting certain responses. I admit, while I do accept that you are who you are, I don't think I actually fully swallowed that pill," the demon would sigh a bit as he shook his head as his hand went up to his ear and he began to mess with an earring. "What I am trying to say is that, I would like to help you achieve what you want, but you have to tell me how to do it. Guide me so I can I learn what to do and not to do. Otherwise, I'll keep guessing and stressing you out. And I don't want to do that. I want you to be comfortable being you." The demon said his tone in no way trying to sugar coat the situation or make light of the matter. They had some issues to contend with and that was that. They needed to confront them or else it would go in circles all the time. There was no doubt about; however, how willing the other was to go on this path was another matter and to be frank, it wasn't something the demon wanted the guy to answer right now. He was sick and needed to heal from that after all.
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Tue Jan 16, 2018 5:10 pm

"...well, if you could not do that in the kitchen, that would be great, yes. You can always use the counter or whatever." He wasn't that picky, outside of the fact that he didn't necessarily want people all over his kitchen floor. In most of the other rooms, he'd deal with it, as much as he wasn't that big on using the floor, but at least the place where food gets made could get a break, right?

Regardless, he would snort at the therapist topic. "My point stands either way. I don't see a therapist actually having a close enough connection with a patient for them to be able to support the right way. I'm not into trusting some impersonal third party to catch me when I fall." Most therapists...well, even if they actually wanted to, they were too busy with a bunch of patients to focus on one so personally and all. Nor would they have a lot of connection happening outside of the room where the appointments happen. It just didn't have the right feel and everything. It was a professional relationship above all else, and that's how it was really going to remain in the end.

When the other responded to his answer, he would rub the bridge of his nose slightly. "I don't know everything. It's not like I've tried all the things to know what the best options are. And I severely doubt me trying to give you a list of things to do and not do is the right answer to it all. Besides, this whole thing goes both ways. It's not just me. It's both of us. If I don't get reminded by being stressed somehow, you're the one having an obvious problem moment and bring that subject into the picture. I'm not sure I can remember one time where something just didn't snag and bring the entire atmosphere down. There's such a thing as too much heaviness, you know?" On one hand it could be seen as them being able to easier understand each other due to both having similar struggles. On the other...neither was stable and they just kept feeding into each other's issues through it. What was he supposed to rely on? The fact that the other's attempts at helping him would probably get the guy accidentally into hurt/depressed mood in turn, and kill it all?
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Tue Jan 16, 2018 6:22 pm

"Alright then," the demon would give a nod there. He could work with counters versus the floor. It was probably more comfortable anyhow. Even so, the demon wouldn't move to sit down again once he was back on his feet choosing to remain standing instead.

When it came to the therapist topic, the demon would find himself nodding a bit at what the other said. "It makes sense," he would say softly and it really did. If you weren't going to trust the person to help you, then the help being offered would not have any effect. On the note of help that was something he wasn't going to get from the other it seemed. In fact, he would find himself dealing with something else completely as he got the response back. He would find himself flinching involuntarily at that one as he looked down a bit.

It almost seemed as if he was about to go into one of those self-hating modes again, but surprisingly he held it back as he let out a breath and spoke. "You can't remember because there isn't one of those moments at all. Ever since we've been together it's been up and down. Though, I honestly believe it is more my fault than anything. I...guess I was rushing it, trying to get things to go one way or another and when they didn't I just broke and went off into some black hole of despair," he would make a swirling motion with his hand to symbolize things going out of control. "I was trying so hard to please you or just do something right that I think I kind of missed the real point here. This is a two way street and we both have our flaws, I understand that, but I guess that doesn't help me understand how to handle the issue either. Like...I dunno. Maybe my approach to this has just been wrong. I never really asked you to explain exactly what you wanted out of this...I just assumed things and maybe that is where things went wrong." He wasn't sure anymore. Just like he wasn't sure why he was throwing this out there probably making the situation worse...but something in him told him it needed to be said. He just prayed that what he did wasn't about to trigger the other or something....
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Sharaku on Tue Jan 16, 2018 6:50 pm

He would scratch the back of his head with a sigh. "I think...we have slightly different expectations of relationships there. It isn't that I don't value the effort put into making things just right and all that...but to be honest, all I really want is to be able to forget that anything is wrong at all at least for a while. Not have to feel guilty about every little thing that steps out of line somehow. Things don't have to be detailed and flawless in the way they happen...I'm just tired of the constant perfectionistic pressure from all sides of life, I suppose. If you don't do things just right, you're useless...that's how most of the world views things after all. And when a relationship which is supposed to be a pleasant thing just brings more of that, it kind of simply breaks over and over again.", he would shake his head. "I just....don't know how I'm supposed to feel happy about it when there's really just no fun involved, and it's all kind of about reaching some sort of imagined goal of perfection or something...."
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

Post by Rika on Tue Jan 16, 2018 7:10 pm

The demon would frown at that one as he thought for a moment before sighing a bit as he drifted over to the other. Standing before him the guy leaving respectful distance between them, the demon would look up at the other.

"I can't guarantee this will be any smoother or that I won't fuck up along the way and fall into "the whole gotta be perfect thing" again. I am not making promises I can't keep and I am not saying this to brush the problem away. What I am saying is that I hear you and it may be rough to do, but I think I can perhaps break some habits of the world and try to see things your way."
The demon would snort a bit as he gave a weak smile and looked away as he rubbed his arms. "Who knows maybe learning to chill out and just enjoy life versus being wound up and negative may help in more than one way. Maybe we can find our own goal to reach versus the world's goal." Did he expect to move the other with this? For him to trust him? No...but even so he wasn't lying or trying to make some flashy deal. He honestly wanted to achieve a goal where they both could be happy with each other and for himself happy in his own skin. It was going to be hell yes, but...he had to start somewhere. Even if he did fail time and time again...he had to keep going and trying not for a perfect goal, but just one that brought peace to himself and the other. That wasn't a bad goal was it?
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Re: Sick Times Are Not Fun

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