Re: Chat Clients Instead then? - Rebooted

by **Sharaku** Tue Jan 24, 2017 11:06 pm

Chat Clients Instead then? - Rebooted - Page 4 0TyOO7B

What about stuff like candy or such? That's not something people eat due to hunger after all. And I guess? I never had a need for some dedicated eating times. Whatever goes works, as long as I of course don't do extremes. Wouldn't want to be fat or something like that.

...more or less. He was definitely not the kind of person I would be able to stand for too long. And I don't know about him, but it probably wasn't the best idea from his side either.
Eh. There were so many other people he could go after that wouldn't cause him to get constantly upset. He could have even tried to make friends with that Helix guy for God's sake, instead of clinging to me, if he was that lonely. But he made no effort and just stuck to what was actually making him upset. I guess it just doesn't make much sense to me.
And I don't know why would people want to be like me. If it was that great, I would have plenty friends, be popular and not upset people as easily as that. Everyone has flaws, so might as well find a way to be yourself the right way, instead of trying to copy someone else.

Technically, I already am doing that, am I not?

by **Rika** Wed Jan 25, 2017 7:25 pm

Chat Clients Instead then? - Rebooted - Page 4 UAtefUj

that is true though i have to crave candy or something sweet like that to eat it. otherwise a soda or sweetened tea can usually kill the craving. or semi-sweet dark chocolate. not a huge sweets fan tho. think i’ll eat more salty food than sweets in the end. as for set times, i do not really a set time to eat. i just know i need to eat when hungry to avoid issues later. nd yeah kind of have to watch the figure i guess. ^^;;

hmmm...i dunno. can’t really say i get that logic either, but hey he stayed and took the abuse for whatever reason. maybe he liked that sort of thing. As for Helix well.... He is not the easiest to get along with as you can tell. if the guy couldn’t handle you then there is no way in hell, he’d been able to handle Helix. granted Helix is gentler, but the guy’s got a short fuse when it comes to certain things. he is...quite the character.

eh. maybe you had some quality he respected and wanted to gain. Or maybe you reflected the him he wanted to be. could be various reasons for people wanting to mimic things. tho i agree doing your own thing is better than becoming another copy of another. also i think you undermine your greatness factor. you don’t have to be popular or well like to be great. sometimes just being you is good enough.

mmm. i suppose so.

by **Sharaku** Wed Jan 25, 2017 8:05 pm

Eh, I don't like soda much, and if I do tea...well, that's literally just eating pure sugar that's been dumped into water. Not a very substantial pick, imo, unless I'm trying to get a sugar fix for whatever reason, and that just makes me think of drugs right now. I think I'd rather eat things because I like their taste, instead of grabbing at whatever is nearly pure sugar or such. Salty stuff I avoid unless it's something good. Too much salt just makes you need extra water.

Well, lovely for him, but I don't exactly like abusing people...? I wasn't even trying to do that, but he was kind of being a special little flower that would get damaged even with the tiniest poke at times. And I'm not going to play a saint just because someone can't really handle anything else properly. As for people handling things...I feel like too many people were way eager to go and dump their frustrations on me that day.

If so, then he was doing an unbelievably bad job there. We couldn't be more different, and not once did he act like he was actually picking anything up. Most of the time, he was just showcasing various forms of sniffling over things.

Noire shrugs

I don't exactly feel the need to be the greatest ever anyway.

by **Rika** Wed Jan 25, 2017 8:53 pm

i like my tea with a bit of sugar, but not give me diabetes sweet. usually it is good enough to overrule candy desire. candy is an extreme end of sweet for me that i kind of eat here and there, but not really a ton. i like particular sodas, so not too crazy on them, but they are there and i drink them. water...i probably should drink more and salt never really bothered me like that. Then again it is not like it is a ton of salt either. kind of balanced them out i guess. not addicted to either like a drug.

can’t say...he might’ve just been having a really rough time….or maybe he thought he could change ya. never know. regardless, no one is asking ya to be a saint, but a little sensitivity to others' feelings or emotional states doesn’t hurt either. it might be hard, but giving a bit sometimes help versus what may appear like a wall to another. just a suggestion. anywho Helix...yeah...he was handling that pretty badly. surprising since the guy typically has his ducks in a row. guess he was having a bad day, but even so not sure why he was being so fucking stubborn about just admitting he was wrong and actually resolving the problem. it made me question if that was the same guy we knew….sorry you had to go through hell like that. tho was it worth it?

That is a good way to be.

by **Sharaku** Wed Jan 25, 2017 9:18 pm

Lol. I don't think you could get diabetes just from drinking really sweet tea if you go to lengths to avoid candy itself anyway. What do you even eat then anyway? Neutral stuff most the time? That kind of sounds like it would get bland eventually, if you focus on it too much.

...
No.
There's a difference between someone needing a bit of comfort, and someone pretty much being an equivalent of an emotional vampire most of the time.
If I started giving him what he wanted, he would cling to me even more, and just want/expect more and more out of me and possibly act out harder if I stopped to take a breather later on. If you're being reasonable about it, fine, but I won't stand being smothered by someone. It's not my job to risk my own mental state for someone else's sake just because. If he was that needy and clingy even when I did not really bend to his demands, I don't even want to imagine how would I pry him off of me had I given in.
I have my limits there, and there are some things I simply refuse to do when they're obviously just bad. And it isn't like I don't care all the time just because I'm not coddling someone's feelings 24/7. Everyone has different ways of expressing themselves.

Was it worth it? Not sure about that. More likely than not, I won't have to deal with the guy again, so it's not like I can say that the clashing furthered anything, outside of causing headaches when unnecessary.

by **Rika** Wed Jan 25, 2017 10:39 pm

eh. maybe not, but too much of the stuff is just as bad as eating too much candy. and say what? no. that is not what i meant. what i was saying, is i just don’t care for overly sweet things. i can and do eat sugary things like candies, cakes, and such here and there or when i really want something of that nature outside of that i eat whatever catches my fancy. not too picky and for odd things i’ve never tasted i do at least give it a try before noping it. so not as bland as you think...though left on my own i do seem to fall into this trend of repeatedly eating certain things or dishes, but hey gotta do what ya gotta do. i ain’t a chef and i ain’t trying to make something fancy when simple does just as well. on that note, you? whatcha eat?

Huh…

do you think he was really that bad? that he would’ve just kept it up if you bent a bit? maybe he really needed someone to cry on if he was that fragile. doesn’t mean he’d cling necessarily. he might’ve been going overboard cause ya didn’t bend a bit. I ain’t getting on your case or telling ya you’re wrong, but thinking of it from an emotional side, sometimes it is better to give rather than wall them off. sometimes walling is way more damaging than actually giving. some people don’t do well with that sort of treatment and maybe that was the whole problem and maybe why ya’ll clashed more than needed.

and who knows. maybe if you gave a little he might’ve not been as bad as he seemed….

Bloodybones rubs his ear in thought and then shakes his head and sighs a bit.

but can’t really say in the end. even with him inside of us so to speak, he’s more well blended the separate, so i can’t analyze him fully to see if my theory right, so meh. anyway, we suppose that is true. people do have different ways of expressing themselves and showing they care. just gotta learn the ways to understand them all.

*nods*

mmm. then i suppose that is a good thing.

by **Sharaku** Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:29 pm

Nearly anything works, as long as it isn't made terribly. I work with what I have available, so it tends to vary. I'm not particularly set on certain kinds of food.

For me? Yes. For someone else? Who knows, maybe not so much.
To be honest, his approach was just terrible. Being super whiny and acting out when you aren't getting what you want? That in itself turns me off completely, and only gets you the literal opposite of what you want. Plus, I wasn't aware that seeing that kind of behavior is something I should take as normal, and actually believe that it would get better if I give in. I do not appreciate being treated that way, and imo, if someone does that on one occasion, who's to say they wouldn't do the same thing whenever they ain't getting their demands fulfilled? That is just not okay when I look at my possible long-term stance there.
Regardless, if we take it from your perspective, and talk emotions...erm, no offense, but just because he's emotionally volatile and can't keep his feelings from leaking out everywhere, it does not mean he's the only one with the right to demand that he gets to feel good. I can't just do that at the snap of a finger. Can't give when there is nothing to give. There's literally no point unless I forced myself to fake some emotional support, which would likely only come off as empty and solve pretty much nothing. I just...don't know what he expected? I can't make myself feel a certain way just because someone needs it, and he and I barely knew each other at that point. He was clinging like crazy to pretty much a stranger. Not cool?
That, and I have clearly told him that he chose the wrong person to pull at. I did not hide that I'm not exactly capable of what he wanted of me. But he still kept being childishly overbearing, and more or less just stuck to ignoring certain things because he didn't want to hear them. I don't really wall people for my personal amusement. It's simply the only way to avoid having people completely wear me out all the time. I understand that emotions are a thing, but I personally just cannot afford to over-expend myself like that all the time.

I just...don't play that kind of game. He kept desperately coming at me because he wanted me to understand his feelings. However, it's not like he really understood anything about me either. Yet, somehow his side of things was just supposed to be more important, and when it wasn't, he turned into a crybaby. If I'm meant to give, then you should probably give something as well. Otherwise it's not a fair exchange, and to be honest, if all he was really concerned with most of the time was his emotional state, then he was...well, really going to only be a nuisance to me at the end of the day.

Whatever though. The two of us just weren't mean to get along, I guess. There was just too much unpleasant everywhere...

by **Rika** Thu Jan 26, 2017 7:45 am

cool.

if he was really acting out to just get his ways, then yes i can see how that is an issue; however, from what you are saying it sounds like he was drowning and maybe he clung to ya because ya actually listened and gave him some form of hope for something better, but then when he found you weren’t exactly the bending type, he became scared and probably even desperate so he clung harder. maybe he was trying not to lose you even if he went about it the wrong way. it does take a rather particular sort of person to handle the drowning though, so can’t say you were wrong or not in what you did since as you said: it doesn’t work for ya and that is fine. however, i'd like to share something with ya about the drowners.

drowning folk, they have the tendency to cling out of fear and having nowhere else to turn. i am not saying throw yourself at them or wear yourself so thin that it hurts, but it does help with those cases to acknowledge what they are saying in a way they understand you care in some fashion. they have to see it. it doesn't have to be bubbly or what not. you can do it in your own way, but it has to be clear you hear them and aren't just "attacking" them. the more you walled him the more it escalated because he couldn’t understand that you may or may not have been acknowledging his emotions. maybe he felt if he kept it out there he could make you see better, but if you countered it with logic or maybe even words that pretty much said something along the lines of "suck it up", then the reaction is going to be negative. you say he was one sided and focused on himself and yes in those moments, those sort of folks are focused on themselves because they're miserable as hell. some are gonna cry and say things that honestly are draining. they don’t have any other way to communicate so they shift to negative hard. using a bit of gentleness with them helps pull them out of the hole and in turn gets them to chill the fuck out.

as for not understanding you, he might’ve not, but it is hard to understand quiet folk, bluntness, or walls. some can handle them well while others literally die when confronted with such a person. this case seems like the latter. sometimes the best way to get them to understand you is to actually let them know how you are feeling instead of coming at them with logic or a counter. it becomes a process of give and take on both sides and it is rather tiring in more ways than you can count. however, this way of acting works with the drowning at times because they actually can see whether they are doing something right or wrong rather than being left in the dark or surrounded by unknowns. they are already surrounded by that so having clearer paths calms them and in turn help them see better and the end help both parties. this doesn't work for all cases mind you, but for some it is magic. seemed like it might’ve worked in that situation if you had the tolerance to ride out something that could in the end take a long time to fix.

*nods* i can understand and maybe it was best for this to happen. though we are curious if left stuck with him what would you have done? he knew you so i can’t imagine him suddenly not bothering you after all of that.

by **Sharaku** Thu Jan 26, 2017 8:49 am

Yeah, and that's exactly what other people before me have been doing. Giving him pats on the back to make it temporarily better to the point where he came to expect that everyone will do this for him. You say it helps, but I have to wonder. If it truly did, why was he more and more of a wreck as time went? It's not necessarily about just 'sucking it up', but that sadly is a part of it. Using other people to support his own emotional state wouldn't save him. Only proceed to hurt/inconvenience everyone around him, while he would still keep being miserable at the end of the day. He needed to understand that one way or another. If it weren't me, someone else would have shot him down eventually. But at that point, he could not even handle being told the truth of the matter. Why? Mostly because everyone else was willingly feeding him sunshine, and letting him always run from his problems and grab onto a lifeboat instead of fighting for himself. He didn't even want to acknowledge that he could do something by himself anymore. He would just destroy himself eventually at that pace. Life won't always hold back on you just when you need it after all.

Regardless, my point is simply that maybe I just don't? I don't think I see it in matters of simply doing it because it could help. There are things you can tolerate, and there there are things that are just plain unpleasant no matter what. Imagine a situation where you're...I don't know, alone at a beach, and there is one other person who overestimated their abilities and is drowning somewhere in the deeper waters of the sea. But you yourself suck hard at swimming, which means you'd risk way too much by attempting to save them. Would you do it, just because it's what most people would label as the right action to take?

I'm not trying to say that I refuse to understand that people can have problems. However, they also cannot just think they can choose a random person and expect them to do the job the way they want it. A little self-awareness goes a long way. I told him he might want to visit a professional psychologist or such if he's really doing that badly. He even had a hard time acknowledging that he may in fact have a problem. That in itself is a bad thing. He literally thought he was in the right to do what he was doing. So what then? Was I supposed to cheer him up, and let him keep continuing to believe he was doing the right thing? Because he totally would have. He was unable to accept anything unless it was slapped hard across his face without offering a leeway to justify otherwise.

...as for my feelings, well sorry, but I don't enjoy telling people how I feel left and right. To me, that is more of a personal matter than anything else. Nor can I suddenly just switch modes and not be quiet etc. because one person demands it on spot. Even less so when I don't even know them much. And triple times that when the person goes out of their way to bite at you when you try to be reasonable. I tried to help him in some way before that, but just because I chose to not do it by giving him another pointless temporary escape, I got more or less figuratively spit at half the time, and viewed as an ass because he refused to understand what I was saying, automatically turning my words super negative even when they weren't. I'm sorry but like...how does that help both parties again? It was only really a matter of him needing to get better, while I was getting hurt for being myself, and doing things the way I know how. It's not quite worth it if I get dragged down by 'helping' him. And if I do something, I despise doing it in a half-assed way which only keeps feeding the problem. One way or another, it doesn't work. (since you mention clear paths however, how exactly is giving endless emotional acknowledgment any clear? That's really just like an addict taking a drug to get a momentary fix and avoid the bad withdrawal effects for a while. I would personally call it more of a dead-end than anything else. And he clearly only wanted that, rather than an actual feasible solution...)

Well, he knew me, yes. However, most of our meetings were really just by chance. He did not have a way to contact me, nor did he know where I live or anything. If I chose to avoid him, he wouldn't have been able to keep bothering me. And...well, in case he tried to stalk me or something, I would honestly introduce a boot to his ass, because that is so not okay.

by **Rika** Fri Jan 27, 2017 6:41 am

ah. well if it was that bad, then perhaps it was how do you put it….. “an necessary evil.” *nods* well no. in the end...they may just drown in that case. not much to be done if there is no one else there or some form of assistance to ensure it would be successful.

hmmm...acceptance is a hard matter. can’t speak for him, but sometimes they do recognize it is an issue and just don’t know how to address it. sometimes hard knocks are more effective in these cases to get them on the right path and sometimes a gentle hand. can’t really speak much on it considering I dun really know the guy or can observe him.

i suppose it helps none if the method isn’t working, but maybe he just didn’t comprehend your way. seems he was a heavy feeler from the way you describe him. also clear pathways aren’t about babying them all the time because in the end, yes, that is counter-productive. it’s hard to put into words, but its like you have to be firm yes, but at the same time have a bit of give there too. in a nutshell, you some times have to adapt a bit to find which way works better. i am not saying everyone should be doing this or can do this. not saying this the solve it all solution either. every case and everyone is different. we get that and i am not tossing your feelings under the bus either. if the gentle way doesn’t work for ya, it just doesn’t. i just know if it was me, i’d at least try contact before calling it hopeless. like a pat on the back or hug even depending on how comfortable i am. now am i go to lie in that moment just to make the other person feel better? no, but at least for me and perhaps them, the hug or pat is enough to tell them that despite the matter i understand and shows i am not just getting at them and not recognizing their side of the board. not sure about the blonde, but maybe he was more of a contact person over just words. *shrugs a bit* it is hard to say, but that is a thing sometimes. however, you are you in the end and if that isn’t you, then it is just not and maybe in the end this would’ve been the end result regardless of what happened if not something worse.

*chuckles lightly* well good thing it didn’t get to the point where that could be given a chance to be tested.

by **Sharaku** Fri Jan 27, 2017 7:03 am

Well, I don't know. And I can only go by what I understand, otherwise it doesn't come across the way it should. His ways make very little sense to me. If it was me, I wouldn't want hugs from people, or at the very least, not from people I don't know well enough yet. I'd rather they stay away and mind their own business, instead of getting all clingy over them. I'd rather know how to fix the problem, and most people are content to just pat you on the back and talk about how 'it's all going to be fine', thinking they are doing such a great job. Well, I could honestly do without that, if it's all they're really going to offer. I would probably sooner solve my problems on my own than thanks to people like that. Honestly, if you're that deep in, a random person you latch onto won't be able to help you just like that. Might want to push yourself into action, instead of attempting to push others into getting things done for you. Maybe that's just me though...

That would have been somewhat annoying. I'd rather not.

by **Rika** Fri Jan 27, 2017 8:03 am

that is you and that is fine. i am just saying sometimes people need contact. even if it is a stranger that isn't the point. the point is someone is there for ya. as for pushing things off on others, i dunno. he stayed and took the beating no? so that showed he wasn't trying to run. he might've been going about it the wrong way, but maybe he was trying to figure out how to fix the problem and just needed someone to go with him. i get being strong and independent, but others need a helping hand. anyway, from what i am understanding, he might've not been as bad as he presented himself or the way you viewed him. he was a mess and difficult yeah, but i think underneath it all he was trying and just didn't show it on the surface. *rubs ear lightly in thought* regardless, it is what is i guess.

heh. i think annoying is an understatement for those situations.

by **Sharaku** Fri Jan 27, 2017 8:26 am

If 'who' isn't the point, then why even keep forcing himself on me? Instead of throwing tantrums over how I'm not doing what he wants me to, he could have at least tried looking for someone else? I certainly wasn't the only person around, if strangers are just as much of a fair game. Not that he and I were more than just happenstance acquaintances in the first place. That said, I think it doesn't exactly matter that your intentions are good when you're not going to show it or even talk about that to clear things out properly. No one is a mind reader, and thus won't be able to tell that your acting out and unpleasant behavior aren't as bad as they come off if all you ever do...is well, dig yourself deeper into that hole and act even worse as time goes. (Also, how can you fix a problem if you keep denying that something is wrong when someone tries to find a solution? It's great that you may be aware of it deep down, but if you keep shooting suggestions down outwardly, who will want to keep bothering with you forever? They can't see inside your head.)

Eh, there are worse things. Just have to teach them a lesson and they'd stop eventually.

by **Rika** Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:19 am

that was speaking in general and maybe he could've if he was really just trying to get someone to pay attention to him; however, he chose you. i am thinking familiarity, fear, and maybe some form of hope kept him at your side. even more so if he was in unfamiliar surroundings with strangers that he didn't see as trustworthy or worth clinging to. his acting out or what he said probably revealed source problems with him. he might've told you what the issues were, but perhaps delivery made it sound like a whine or something else. as for sticking at his side, it is true those sorts are difficult handle for long periods of time. like i said, it takes a particular sort of person to walk with them until they can pick themselves up again and actually get better. as for the denial bit, well...if he refused to acknowledge the problem or even attempt to consider your options then there is not much you can do unless you are trained or experienced at countering that. can't save what doesn't want to be saved...

i could argue it depends on the person with the lesson thing, but we can agree. there are worse things. ^^;;

by **Sharaku** Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:41 am

Noire shrugs

Right kind of person or not, I still say that I should have a choice as to whether I want to be involved in that. Dumping yourself onto someone you met only recently and expecting them to be of help to you even after it's made obvious they aren't for real probably won't ever make sense to me. For all you know, the person you chose could be having it as bad as you or such as is. Nor can you know just what are you doing to them with your actions. It's just bound to not end well if you come on too strong, too fast, and are a huge pain to deal with no matter what. Might want to drop that on someone you've known long enough already, or person who is equipped to deal with such matters, if you want to expect positive results. Some things can be resolved even by a stranger's help, but not something like that...

I would like to believe they wouldn't want to cause themselves a lot of trouble. A lesson can be pretty severe as well, if they decide to be too confident to realize when to turn back.

by **Rika** Sun Jan 29, 2017 8:11 am

ain't arguing that. i think everyone should have that right. *nods* perhaps he didn't realize what he was doing to ya. on that note, how are ya hanging after all that?

we would all hope, but some people just don't learn.

by **Sharaku** Sun Jan 29, 2017 8:17 am

Well, having to think about it is mildly frustrating, but otherwise, I am fine enough. It's not the worst thing I've ever dealt with. Might have been, had it lasted longer than that though, but that's just speculation at this point.

There is learning, yes. But no one says a 'lesson' has to only be aimed at teaching if the receiver isn't willing to understand without some extreme measures in play.

by **Rika** Sun Jan 29, 2017 9:20 am

ah. i see. wanna change the subject then?

hehe. that is very true. ^^;;

by **Sharaku** Sun Jan 29, 2017 9:23 am

Perhaps so. Although I think we already pretty much said all we could have, so the change was going to happen one way or another.

Not that I think too many people would try their luck at bothering me for too long.

by **Rika** Sun Jan 29, 2017 9:32 am

i suppose we did....tho...we can't think of a topic to fill the void with. lol...>>;; how about you?

well from what i've observed, it doesn't seem wise to test you too much. might end up regretting it badly.

by **Sharaku** Sun Jan 29, 2017 9:35 am

Ran out of things to say already....? Well, how about...what are we doing next? If you're serious about asking me out, then I assume we won't spend all our time just chatting online.

If one is being unreasonable, then definitely.

by **Rika** Sun Jan 29, 2017 11:16 am

eh. need a bit of time to figure out what is interesting to speak on. XP as for your question, we can discuss some things for that cause like....text messages/chat is nice, but it kind of defeat the purpose of dating unless you were long distance. let's see....what can we do?

well....i did have some ideas like maybe a walk in the park, a dinner, or even a movie. it's ideas, but the better question is: what do you like you to do?

i see. ^^;;

by **Sharaku** Sun Jan 29, 2017 11:23 am

How would you know whether something is interesting if you don't test it out? Thinking about it won't give you a straight answer.

Eh, anything that isn't too over-complicated and ruins the whole idea. What you said works, although I'd be skeptical of movies. I would assume that the first few dates at least ought to be about getting to know the person. If we watch a movie, then we'd just focus more on it than anything else. And if not, then the whole idea would be a waste of time anyway, since why go to a movie and then not pay attention to it?

by **Rika** Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:17 pm

while that is true. i like to have more than random thoughts about food or something else nonsensical to speak on lol. (have no idea where my brain is right now to be honest). anyway give me a tick...

He would pause to clean his cereal bowl and then a minute or so later would resume typing.

well i am glad you ain't high maintenance. that is kind of a relief to be honest. i agree with getting to know each other more before movies or something like that. besides while we would be watching the movie, it is more of spending time with ya that counts there...even so i think knowing ya better would make that more effective. as for the question, dunno. maybe to have background noise? XP

though on that note, when would you be free to do things?

by **Sharaku** Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:49 pm

We already spoke about food. How more random could it get? (and I would guess it is in your head. Because if not, then something is probably wrong : P )

Você é fofo ~(=^–^)

In any case...Well, that depends on what kind of 'movie watching' you mean. If we go to a cinema or such, then there's hardly much of spending time together. Though if you mean doing it at your place or such, then I suppose it can work. But then we could say that the movie isn't really the main purpose of the hang out anyway.

Hmm, I'm not really busy nowadays. I'm free even later today if you really wanted to.

by Sponsored content

Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28
29	30